Hi, jj. I would leave the keiki as is, and there are several reasons why, but the biggie and #1 is this: Separated , it is a little thing, and in my experience little orchids are a pain in the humph. You have to keep a constant eye on them because they are tiny and delicate and in tiny pots that dry out quickly. Any mistake-- too dry for a day or so, or too wet, or too anything, and the little guys can just die on you. So I would leave it on the mother, and let it get nourishment from her, and have a lot less trouble. It will keep growing, looking better all the time, and if the mother recovers you'll have a terrific big plant with two crowns, capable of putting up multi-spikes and looking glorious. About the ugliness of the way the two are growing: I'm not sure what the problem is aesthetically, with the mother leaning one way and the keiki leaning the other. A sunburned plant is plain ugly no matter which way it's growing. There's no cure for it, except new leaves appearing. As the keiki gets bigger, the plant will look better. If the mother recovers, they should look just fine together like that. The sunburned mother is going to look ugly until she gets new leaves growing. If the crown was destroyed, the only way she can recover is thru keikis. However, if the crown is still there, she can still put out new leaves and recover her looks. Hope this helps some.

It can be difficult as we grow up to change patterns of how we have always interacted with our parents...and some of us get to a point when we recognize that old patterns need to be changed, because we realize that a parent does not seem to respect us, or respect the way we are doing things. We find that they may treat other family members (less deserving with more respect) even though that person has their own issues. And so, we begin to understand that changes need to occur, so that they begin to see us as an adult, and respect us. Read what you can find, or better yet, find books on DVD as you drive in the car. Make this a year that you grow and evolve. Ask for suggestions with a counselor on communicating as a grown up with your parents, instead of still being the little girl needing their help and advice all the time. I find myself falling into old patterns too, and I am working on it. Perhaps this is your time of personal growth. Perhaps now that you are in your 40's it is a time in life for you to begin to grow into the woman you are meant to be. You may try talking to them, and telling them that their negativity and lack of confidence in your decisions has reached a point where it needs to change. That they need to see you as the adult woman, wife and mother that you are. That you know that they are concerned, but that they need to work "hard" on putting a "POSITIVE" spin on their words, because it is necessary for your emotional well being...so that you can parent your children from a healthy state of mind, and not a discouraged, or angry, or upset state of mind. And that you need them to work on this, and that you are going to call them on it their behavior if they don't. Sometimes, parents too fall into old patterns of behavior, and may not even realize how they sound, or the effect of their tone, or words. Or their general attitude may need re adjusted to a much more positive one. Its a new year...a good time for fresh new changes for everyone!

The boy has been living with his grandmother for half his life, and all his 'memory life'. That is his home, his mother, his life, his stability, his comfort. Dad bought a house 8 months ago and there's not enough room for his son. But there's enough room for you? The fact is, and you need to look at it in the eye--he doesn't want to take care of his son. It says a lot about him. I'll let you think about what it means. So then there's you, and you pressure your boyfriend to do what he ought--step up to the parenting plate. Your boyfriend has made it very clear he doesn't want to, so he pushes the burden back onto you and pressures you to step up to the parenting plate. The truth is neither of you want to do the job (and I don't blame you if you don't want the job, it's a big responsibility and a lot of trouble--particularly when your partner isn't going to do his part). However, both of you are quick to criticize grandma and how she raises him. How many children have you raised? How many ADD children have you raised? A supreme court justice once said, "I used to have 9 theories about how to raise children; and no children. Now I have 9 children and no theories." You've invested very little into this relationship. Only a year, you are independent, you have your own house, you aren't hungering for a wedding and a family. Already you are pressuring him, he's pressuring you, things seem to be falling apart, you have the inkling that the engagement was 'premature'. Stop and think. And be honest. Nobody but grandma has stepped up to raise this child, not his mother, father or you. And you should not; because if things do fall apart and this child gets to depend on you and you leave, you will have done a terrible thing. His grandmother is doing fine, no matter what you think. She's his home, his center, his world, all he knows best. Don't meddle because you think things 'should' be different. If you really think things should be different, you need to find a different situation that fits your definition of should. That's the only way you will be happy. You cannot force a square peg into a round hole. If your boyfriend does not feel paternal, he does not feel paternal. Deal with the reality. It is what it is. You cannot pressure him into feeling what he doesn't feel. Any more than he can pressure you into feeling something you don't feel. And why is he pressuring you so marry so quickly, to move in, elope, whatever. Is it to get you off his back about his parenting? Or is there more. I say do nothing until you think this through more. He's not 24, he's 30. And he's immature. And he's not good parent material. And he's coming with baggage. A little boy with problems that are only going to get larger as he understands his situation better (where's mom? why don't I live with dad? is grandma going to die?). No you are not being selfish, you are being wise.

I am sure Talley Sue is correct about what Crane's and other authorities say. And I get the point about simplicity, hosts only listed on the invitation, and the invitation not being about credits. However, I can tell you that we get dozens of wedding invitations every year, and they all give the groom's parents' names, too. The only exceptions are the ones from much older couples who are issuing the invitations themselves, or from couples who style the invitation "Together with their parents/families, Petunia Smith and Cuthbert Jones request the pleasure of your company as they are married ...." The latter formulation seems to be when there is some sort of complicated family circumstance regarding lots of stepparents or something. Even the ones that have, in every other respect, the most formal wording, still include the grooms' parents' names: "Mr. and Mrs. Zebulon Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Petunia Ann, to Cuthbert Arthur Jones, son of Mr. and Mrs. Norbert Jones ...." I imagine that in many cases, both sets of parents are hosting, or at least contributing money. But even where (as the formal wording indicates) only the brides' parents are, they always name the groom's parents, too. My point is that even though this is not correct per the etiquette rule, it is so firmly established a convention in my community that to leave off the grooms' parents names would be considered a major insult on the part of the bride's parents and would be taken as a real humiliation by the groom's parents. I'm not arguing the etiquette rule; I'm just saying that it doesn't end the analysis.