I lost a friend today

15 years ago

This morning as I was getting ready to start my day, I

got a phone call that no one wants to get.

Another friend was on the other end and her words stunned me

so much so that I was speechless. My ears were hearing the

words but my mind couldn't or wouldn't grasp the meaning.

Our friend Mary had been found dead. As I type these words

and see them, they still don't make sense. There were four

of us that went to Florida where Mary had a place on the

Johns River. Melba was with us a few months ago but Melba

died from a brain tumor after we got home from the last

trip. We expected it, it was still hard.

The autopsy says Mary had a massive stroke. We were

planning another trip as soon as the weather cooled some.

There are two of us now, I always thought with my health

problems, I'd be the first to say goodbye. It doesn't always

happen the way we think it will, does it?

Her death is as foreign to me as anything I've ever known.

There will be a Wake and of course the Funeral and it will

take all the will I can muster to get through it.

I hate this dying thing, when you have to say goodbye to

people you care about and then pick up the pieces and go on.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (18)

calliope
15 years ago
I'm sorry Janis.....

I lost a friend late last month. We weren't close, but he was a young man, whom I expected to be around for a long time. He is so obvious in his absence.
anneliese_32
15 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss. It is always too early and especially hard when it is so unexpected.
Related Discussions
I'm in mourning, I lost my last rose cuttings today
Q
Comments (19)
Nothing goes like you plan. Had everything ready. I forgot to ask George how he moistens the peat/vermiculite mixture so I used the garden hose sray in the cups before I stuck the cuttings in. It got too soggy. I tried to drain and squeeze out as much as I could. Then I look at the cuttings and don't know how to prepare them right, made another slanted cut under water as best I could, cut the flower heads off as best I could (some of these had three flower heads), some were very healthy but some had some brown stuff on them (none had mold) so I pulled those leaves off but not all of them, shook the water off, dredged in powdered hormone, stuck a pen in the mix, felt I had to pull some of the bottom leaves off or I couldn't poke them deep enough, stuck the cutting in that, pressed as snugly as I could, then buried them as deep as I could in the ground. I figured burying the cups in the ground might keep them cooler if it gets hot again, but then it was frustrating trying to get the pepsi bottles over them without touching the leaves and disburbing the cuttings more and getting the leaves tucked up in there. Some of the leaves are touching the sides, I guess that can't be helped. Finally I put up an old window screen to filter out some of the sun that will get through on the east side, most is blocked now by trees, but a little gets through in the morning. The north side would get some of the morning sun anyway and is not a good place right now, ground packed from cement work that was done, too hard to dig for me. I toyed with the idea of stapling translucent plastic to the screen but just ran out of patience. Once the sun hits the south, they should be ok in the natural light that is left. I was afraid the plastic would block too much light and I would have to move the screen every noon. I put the seventh one, the only one that didn't have a spent flower head, looks very healthy, in the cup, in a gallon baggie, blew some air in, sealed it, and set it on the table by my north window, put curtains to block the sun from the east window very close by. It made me nervous, and all I can do is hope for the best. You look at those cuttings and must have to have some special knowhow to know what to do with each one because each one is different. Then what to do with the rooting hormone with all the warnings about not getting it on your skin, wear rubber gloves, I didn't, so I sealed that up in a plastic container and will use it again because I don't like to waste it. I was thinking as I was struggling with all this and back was hurting, legs stiff, why am I doing this? Why not just buy my roses? Two more sets to go, one tomorrow and one the next day, I hope. Have to go to the grocery store and buy back some bottles. Maybe in time I'll gain confidence and more of a knack with it. It is not easy for me, and it is messy.
...See More
I have lost my best friend, my dog Tweed
Q
Comments (32)
Our son's dog, Kate B. left us in her 12th year. She slept at my feet on the corner of the bed for so long that I automatically bent my right leg to make room for her even after she was gone. I told my DH that we had to find another friend. He said we could not replace her. I told him that was true but a new little friend would help to fill the void she had left (I boohoo'd for what seemed like weeks...my son could not believe I took it so hard). Six weeks later Tess came into our lives, all 1 3/4 lbs of her and she has been the best dog of our 42 year marriage. She loves us both, loves to talk to our grown son on the phone...hates his 4 huge cats! We just took in 2 black feral kittens we found under our house. I thought Tess was going to disown us. LOL She loves to tattle on what they are up to and with those two they are ALWAYS up to something (what was I thinking!). The good Lord shared a wonderful friend like Tweed and surely HE will send you another that will help you during the trying times you are dealing with. Much love from Tess, YoYo, YaYa, DH and me (((hug))) Peggy
...See More
I lost my best friend my dad
Q
Comments (4)
Viola Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my dad 10 months ago. He was 68 and I was 34. I think the same way that you are. It will be hard to go through life for the next 30-40 years without dad. My dad helped me out with watching my kids while I worked. He was such a great dad. I miss him horribly. Everything you are feeling is normal. It doesnt seem fair and at times the sorrow cuts like a knife deep inside my heart. Then I get so mad that he died. I guess all these feelings are normal. Your life will never be the same again, something just changes when you lose someone you love. When I lost my dad I felt so alone and realized wow its really time to grow up now because when mom and dad are still here, a part of you stays there little girl. There is no easy answer. Just try to keep yourself busy and cry when you need to. Talking to other people who are going through similiar thing helps me. I dont like going around people who still have there parents. I guess I am jealous, not sure,. In the end we will be reunited again. My prayers are coming your way. Keep posting
...See More
I lost my best friend today
Q
Comments (33)
Thank you all for your sympathy. It wasn't a total shock, and I guess it's a blessing. If this would have happened five years ago in an accident, I would be reeling. But as sad as it is for me and all her family and friends, it's a blessing. She was a super intelligent woman who taught advanced math and physics and was healthy as a horse. . She was knocked over by her 180 pound mastiff dog almost five years ago and suffered a concussion and subdural hematoma. From that point she slowly began to deteriorate. She started using a walker, then when she called me ,her speech would be so slurred I could not understand her. The next time I saw her, she was in a wheelchair and her daughter was feeding her baby food. She has been in a nursing home for the past 18 months since she required so much care. Her mind was as sharp as ever, but she could not speak. She blinked once for yes, twice for no. She had a feeding tube since last summer. So she's at peace now. The funeral is Friday. I'm wondering if the messy weather here will postpone it.
...See More
meldy_nva
15 years ago
Oh Jan, that is such hard news to hear.

Sometimes I think that it is the ones left behind who have the hardest part of saying goodbye. I know that right now, there are no words that will comfort, but I also know that eventually you will be able to think of her as she was. She was so lucky to have had you for a friend.

Hugs to you ((( /..\ )))
meldy
lilod
15 years ago
((((Janis))))
I am at an age to have outlived most of my friends, it is always a loss, sometimes I still think "Oh, I must call
so and so and share this news" and realize that they are not here any more.
It is as though they have gone far away and don't send a post-card.
wendy_cat
15 years ago
wish there were a word that would just flow all kinds of peace at a time like this. isnt tho. and that's what makes words so inadequate sometimes.
as long as you can remember her you still have her with you.
hugs,
g
dirt_yfingernails
15 years ago
Hugs to you on the loss of your dear friend. Remember the good times.
Josh
15 years ago
Hold tight to all those years of good memories of your friend...she'll stay close in your heart. Sunflowers to you, Jan. josh
gandle
15 years ago
Hard to know what to say, like Lilo I've said goodbye to a great many of my friends of my age. Just leaves a void.
mawheel
15 years ago
Janis, we all grieve with you on the loss of your friend. Perhaps that thought will help.
mwoods
15 years ago
That had to have left you reeling and I'm so sorry. Each friend we have is so unique and that uniqueness is impossible to replace. You are very right Jan, nothing happens the way we think it will and it's a lesson we all eventually learn in one way or another.
rob333 (zone 7b)
15 years ago
I am so sorry for you losing her Jan. (((you and your other friend)))) Love you, Robin
lindajewell
15 years ago
I am sorry for your loss, but I can tell she will always be alive in your heart and memories.
andie_rathbone
15 years ago
Janis, I'm so sorry for your loss & I know it's hard as it was so unexpected. I remember my mother telling me that the worst thing was when your friends started to "fall off their perches." At the time I was too young to completely comprehend what she was talking about, but now that I've lost several friends, I know exactly what she meant.
treehouse
15 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss. Good friends leave a huge empty spot.

Jan
gabriell_gw
15 years ago
Janis, I'm sorry to hear your sad news. I am thinking of you.
sheila
15 years ago
Jan, it breaks the heart to lose old and good friends. I'm so sorry.
firstkim
15 years ago
Although I saw this yesterday, I haven't replied because I've been looking for the right words.
I can't find any.
I'm so very sorry, Jan.
Janis_G
Original Author
15 years ago
Thanks to all of you for the kind words.
There were so many people at the wake it took
several hours for all of them to get in.
So many flowers that they filled up 2 rooms.

Mary would have have been pleased to know that
she was so loved by so many people.
Those of us who knew her best noted that it was past
cocktail time and if I had a designated driver last night
I surely would have gone to the country club and had a
couple of drinks for Mary.

She was always doing fun things and when you were around
her you couldn't help but have fun. She was like the rest
of us an avid reader and she was in bed reading when she
passed.

Now for those of us left here, life goes on and we'll go
with it as far as it is meant for us to.

I lost a friend today

Comments (18)

calliope

anneliese_32

Related Discussions

meldy_nva

lilod

wendy_cat

dirt_yfingernails

Josh

gandle

mawheel

mwoods

rob333 (zone 7b)

lindajewell

andie_rathbone

treehouse

gabriell_gw

sheila

firstkim

Janis_G
Original Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

I lost a friend today

Comments (18)

Related Discussions

Janis_GOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

Janis_G
Original Author