Sorry you are having such a ruff time:( I always thought the "You knew what you were getting into" statement was an unfair one since you never really know what you are getting into untill you have lived in it for awhile. I never imagined we would wind up with the twins. I didn't imagine we would have a baby either since I had been told I had a really slim chance of getting pregnant. We went from thinking it would be just us to having three children living with us! HAHAHAHA. WA-POW! Everything changed with one phone call from the unstable Ex wife and one positive test strip. I knew he had a nutty Ex. It become apparent pretty quickly when we started dating seriously. Being the great guy he is he had also warned me up front. Not just about the ex but about his rather ruff past as well. I still decided he was worth it. Three years later I am still glad we got hitched. We have all adjusted and are doing good. We have up's and down's whenever BM is in and out but we (J the kids and I) are all doing fantastic together. We have squabbles and issues arise but we come out of them together. I am lucky the kids have been so loving and excepting. Maybe it's because their mother isn't really in the picture. Maybe it's because they were so young when the divorce and re marriage took place. I'm so lucky to be as close with them as we are. We are like a family. Not a STEP family but a family. BM is the only blip on the radar. I agree with you 100% that you should think long and hard about deciding to engage in a step situation. It can be really hard and thankless for some. There is also always that possibility you'll get that life altering call from BM saying she's dropping off the kids. It all has to be considered. Theres still really no way of knowing untill you get there though. It's always a bit of a gamble. Best of luck.

We're just starting bigger house remodel, including kitchen. DS's 5th birthday and party was Saturday. It was our last big bash in the house before we move out for demo. I was so busy cooking, cleaning, making a bee birthday cake, filling the pinata, and dealing with 10 screaming loud 5 y.o.s, that I didn't have time to obsess over the kitchen window size, oven cabinet debacle, decision on new siding, etc., etc. It DOES feel good to have the party overwith so I can go back to the planning though! Congrats on your progress!

When she was about three, we started calling our youngest child "Avalanche" because it seemed that wherever she went, things collapsed and fell down - store displays, book shelves, stacks of papers, etc. She is 23 now, tall, willowy, beautiful, educated. Never clumsy, actually quite graceful and athletic. Well...This morning she left to teach English in S. Korea for a year, Last night, perhaps as her parting shot, she knocked over a plant her daddy and I received as a wedding present in 1968, just as we were about to sit down to dinner! All our "big kids" and their families (19 of us) were here to say farewell. At the sound of the crash, almost in unison the big kids called, "AVALANCHE!!!" When the cloud of dirt/dust settled, you should have seen the look on her face. Every surface in two rooms was covered in black grit and we had to toss dinner. I have kept that plant alive for 40 years, given it away a hundred times to acquaintances and each of our kids as they married, sort of as a symbol of longevity. As big as the mess was (actually, still is - I have to repot the plant and clean the rooms) I'm oddly glad it happened. My little Avalanche is going to be gone for a year, and I am terribly sad about that.

As hard as it is to read this, I hope it helps you just a little to write it all down. I had to stop reading halfway through then pick up again--stranger and much more awful than fiction, for sure. I'm so very glad you had help and wonder how you can possibly hold up; Jody too. Oh, Marilyn. (I did smile just a little at your cussing. Must have felt good. Some people chatter on and on when they're nervous or scared.)