Okay, I just had to post. I am a regular luker here, unknown to all of you, stopping by occasionally to delight in the pictures and have over the years become familiar with the posters, regular or otherwise. My observations, as an outsider: I am astounded that all of you who rushed so valiantly to Mary's defense were not in the least bothered by the uncalled for mean-spiritedness in her loaded comment "But I'm curious, do you interact with your family the same way you interact with the Idylls?' Can you guys not see that this was what hurt Marian the most, was the "unkindest cut of all" especially coming from oh-so-sweet and kind and caring Mary? That it made her feel like an outcast? That SHE is the aggrieved one here? I agree that Marian overreacted with the knife picture, but it also indicates how much Mary's comment hurt her. To talk about reporting here because of that, and the torrent of abuse that has been heaped on her just shows everybody's true colors. T, I disagree with the summary you posted about Marian. She has been outspoken and blunt but never, ever intentionally mean. As an outsider to the little clique here, to me she seemed one of the few who was genuine, the rest seemed to be intent on just showing their "kind, caring, empathetic" side until this episode proved just how vicious you all can be. Lest you all think I'm Marian's crony, rest assured, I have never had any contact with her or anyone else on this group, am an atheist, and about as far from her world-view as one can be. However, I have always admired her resilience at her age, her remarkable intelligence and conviction in her beliefs, and of course share her love for plants and gardening. And I come from a culture where age deserves some respect. Please do not send me emails on this issue. I have no desire to debate this further. I always viewed this group as something of an anomaly on the Web, but unfortunately it was too good to be true. Do not blame Marian for this - the rest of you were the schoolyard bullies here, rushing to defend your clique member blindly. Returning to lurkdom...... M

Actually, the soil solution (microscopic layer of water on the surface of soil particles) as well as the ion exchange sites on the surface are full of what would also be described as salts. That is, ions of all sorts. K, Na, Mg, Ca, chloride, nitrate, phosphate, carbonate, bicarbonate, and on and on. That said, I think many if not most of us lean toward minimizing the use of fertilizers (in favor of compost). Small amounts of fertilizer applied to the garden in response to a soil test is not irresponsible - quite the contrary - and will not pollute groundwater in the vast majority of cases. In clay especially, leaching is very slow. And there is no doubt that yield can be improved by fertilizers. It should be done with common sense and soil health needs to be preserved, but as long as those things are done, if it's needed, use it. Just my two cents.

I still think Rosenpots is NORMAL LOL! compared to my havoc! I've always thought of rose cuttings as a magical "art" that only the arcane rose experts can even come close to duplicating...I've seen like tents! really dedicated to this art...(sort of resembles a child's sheet tent) illuminated from the inside with fluorescent lights). I tried to find a link for it, I believe it was posted here or in the rose cuttings forum a month ago...Pretty fascinating but almost seems rose-fi ....both science and magic, LOL! and space-age dedication... Kentstar you would be amazed at the pic...It may take me a few days to find the photo...

"What do you think is creating the sadness and such anger in such a small boy? Can you find someone who can help him get out what is upsetting him? Has he always been this way, or has the change in his mother's household changed him somehow? Is he safe in his life? What is his mom's husband like? How does this man treat your SS? What is their relationship like? How does the step father respond when his sister's boyfriend hurt the little boy?" To systematically answer these questions... I do believe a certain amount of this is just his personality workup. I think that a certain extent of our personalities and characteristics are hardwired from the beginning. I do think he is a shy child to begin with and that this shyness exacerbates his anxiety, and he then turns that into anger/frustration. Not to sound like a "typical" SM, but I do think his BM is just an utter wackadoodle, especially when it comes to parenting him. She has ALWAYS, right from the start, done her best to belittle DH to her son. When I came on the scene, she was furious and did everything in her power to destroy SS's relationship with me. Up until about 6 months ago, she was STILL telling him that he didn't have to listen to me, that my DD was stupid, that his dad loved us more than him, etc. :( She is the kind of person that seems to have no control over her emotions--she is emotionally immature and she lashes out at people, and she talks to her son about things that are entirely beyond the realm of the parent/child relationship. When we went to court, she actually told SS that I was the one trying to "take him away from her" and that I wanted her to go to jail. So for a good portion of the summer, SS was cold to me because of the lies his BM was telling him. :( She withheld custody for 4 weeks over the summer and told SS he couldn't see us because we were trying to have her arrested. It was absolutely awful and when the courts finally intervened, and we got back to normal schedule...SS spent many hours crying and being very angry at DH and myself. The poor guy was just SO confused after all that had gone on and all he had been told. He actually asked us while we were on a family vaca in July---if we wanted his mom to go to jail because she gets drunk. DH asked him what do you think "drunk" means...and he said that his BM and grandma had told him to NEVER say that "mommy drinks too much wine." :( That is just one small example of the things he hears and is exposed to at BM's house. She treats him like a little adult in so many ways, and it has caused him so much inner turmoil over the years. His mom's husband is *okay." DH and I both think he is just kind of....a "hoosier," for lack of a better word. He's uneducated and he seems to lack common sense and doesn't treat BM all that well. I don't mean that he's abusive or anything, but I know he's dishonest with her about money, and he goes out drinking himself and lies about that and they are always fighting....he just doesn't behave with a lot of class. I know that sounds so snobbish to say, but it's true. He is good to SS in that he spends time with him, is friendly to him and genuinely seems to care about him. DH and I aren't thrilled with some language that he's taught SS but I think a lot of that just stems from his background and not "knowing any better." I think the main issue is that SS has a very emeshed relationship with his BM. He worries about her all the time. For example, she and her DH are planning their wedding---which, in itself is silly, because they have NO MONEY, and they are ALREADY MARRIED. But whatever. So SS told us a couple days ago that he is really stressed out because "his mom is broke for her wedding." UGH. I just hate that he is hearing about all these things. I don't know...I think it's complicated...and there are so many factors. Yet we can only control what goes on on OUR end for now. We cannot control BM or how she parents. :( Going back to court is STILL an option but we just have to be so careful with how we proceed. We have to slowly build a case and right now, depsite the drinking and problems, we just do NOT have anything conclusive against her.