I have a different take on missing my grandparents. Like yours, they had a magnificent garden. I am a gardener because of them and because of my dad, who also gardened. My garden always includes some of the crops they grew and it keeps me connected with memories of them and of my dad's gardens, where I helped out at a young age.

Jim

Why don't you start your own traditions? Find some neighbor kids that will sit with you. Become a foster grandparent or mentor? Even get a neighbor to come over?
I find that the "townie" kids know nothing at all about where food comes from. Even in an AG area like I live.

How about a Senior Center. You could donate your extra vegetables to them and perhaps make a friend or two. Many of them are lonely and would perhaps love to come and see your garden and help with the harvest.

Greg
Southern Nevada

Gregs idea sounds great but nancy's could be a total disaster. Nancy do you know solidago personally? Are you encouraging a total stranger from the inet to have relations with children? Either you've never had kids, you're not protective enough to have them or you don't care about OPs children.
Solidago this is not in any way saying you are a bad person.

I only had one grandparent that gardened, and he sure wasn't the sit and chat while shelling beans type. Emotionally dwarfed and monosyllabic (and the last of the four still living, ironically). So I am not burdened with any fond generational garden memories and am forced to create my own.

I missed the point about intergenerational gardening when I read your message, solidago.

I think introducing kids to gardening is a wonderful thing to do for them, if you enjoy working with kids.

Of course, in this day and age, the concern raised by taz6122 is a valid one. But there are ways of dealing with that. I think it is a shame if situations of trust can no longer be built between older and younger folks. We need that connection.

Maybe volunteering to work with scout leaders on a garden project would work. It would require some advance planning. Maybe just involving a scout group in selected activities, not the entire gardening process would be easier. Could scouts (or other youth group) harvest surplus vegetables on a regular schedule and take them to a food pantry. Our local food pantry is very receptive to such donations. School classes have done gardening projects but, with school in recess during most of the gardening season, that doesn't work out so well.

How about planting a couple of rows of cut flowers such as zinnias, cosmos and sweet peas. These could be delivered periodically to nursing homes, shut-ins and others whose days would be brightened both by the flowers and the visitor who delivers them. This idea comes from the fact that my grandmother sent an armload of flowers home with anyone who visited her.

Good luck to you. I hope you find a way to make your gardening more rewarding.

Jim

How come you have to live all the way up there in Oregon? I miss those experiences too. It would be so nice if we were close and could shell peas together but most of the folks I know are 3rd generation city people who never did any of that.

On topic I had my Pop and Dad, plus Grandad as the generational kick start when I started my garden, as it was something i remember as a child with Dad and at home and Grandad at his house, but Pop died when I was 10 and even thoughh my dad kept gardening and enjoyed it, I think it was a link to his Dad (Pop) and it suddenly had to be perfect so we got crowded out in his grief, no bad thing I think, as I am sure as i headed to teenage i would have learned to hate gardening if I had been forced into it.
So I try to do the fun things that i remember from my childhood, trouble is as a child you are superficial you just know the end result not the workings behind your special garden.
To explain and make clearer, my parents are both dead, my dad died 4 months before I found out I was having twins, my Mum 7 years before so I never thought to say, how do you do Santa? (Father Christmas for me) so Gardening is the same thing how do you recapture that moment of wonder without giving away the work you do on your children's patch to them?
Well frankly, you just do, you hunt for the answer from inside yourself and your friends and family. and fail sometimes LOL!
off topic, My Boys are 5 really outgoing to the point of embarrassment, they love people and I find these time hard as a parent, not for the idea that people are dangerous but the idea that people are dangerous? i hate it that if my child fails in the play ground and is hurt gets lost, that adults are too afraid to help for fear of what people could think and that in it's self make all children more vulnerable as in the good people will not help, worrying, so who will? we are better to work together as the people who hurt children are few and fair between, if the good people help us parents nurture our children then, they will find it harder, but obviously it is up to us as as parents to educate our children about what is correct behavior from an adult :) and then in is a whole new set of problems :) but it is our problem not every other adult on the plant, if my boy falls in front of you and scapes his knee, please help him up and tell him it will be alright, because otherwise we will be bring up a nation of children who miss trust all people and that is not a nice thought.
PS. for every parent you hear about in the press abusing someone for helping their child I bet their a a thousand who are happy, but that doesn't make news, so I am saying a thank you to all the adults who have told my kids off when beinging naughty and comforted them when they are hurt or upset. this world is too paranoid and we are losing the trust of our children!

My garden is a way to remember my grandfather and remember my Dad. I plant some of the same varieties they did. Every time I pick a kohlrabi, I think of my grandfather. He introduced my sister and me to them when we were kids. Every time I pick that first ripe tomato I think of my Dad. Gardening now, when their gone, doesn't feel sad and empty to me. It's a way of honoring their memory.

I know how you feel! But it could be worse. At least, you still live there.

I moved from another country and my grandparents' house and garden have been sold. I went back there to see just what the lot looks like, and I was horrified to discover that the new owners bulldozed everything. The garden was about 2,000 square feet, and it had a dozen fruit trees, an entire fence of rasberries, an incredible amount of perennial flowers, fruit bushes, grapes and, needless to say, enough vegetable plots to live off the land throughout the year. They only ever needed to buy meat and dairy. They even had a huge root cellar under the house where they would store apples, potatoes, carrots and the like. When my grandmother wanted to cook in the winter, all she needed to do was to send my grandfather down to the root cellar and she had her grocery basket full of produce. Now, all of that has been replaced by a lawn. Not only have they cut the trees down, they even never planted one measly little flower. And for what? They have a dog...

I just recently started gardening (used to rent apartments, so never had a plot). I have just started trying to make a list of the things my grandmother grew, based on pictures, memories and pointers some older relatives have been able to give me. I am not trying to recreate their garden (I am not even in the same climate, so I will not have figs like my grandmother did), but I do miss some of the things that grew there. My grandmother had a wall of single red hollyhocks along a fence (really a thing of beauty), and I have just found the seed for the same variety, so I will plant my hollyhock fence here.

Sure, it will not be the same as being in my grandparents' garden as my grandparents will not be there and they took their gardening know-how along with them to the grave, so I feel pretty lonely. But my mother is still here and she is getting more and more enthusiastic about my gardening. It brings back a lot of memories for her and now, she can share them with me so I know a little more of my grandparents' lives, things I couldn't see as a child. It is very comforting for both of us, and it brings us closer together.

If you can't share your garden with your grandparents, you can still share it with family, people who will know what you mean by "granny's beans". It is sad, but it is the way things have always been and will always be. There is more to the heritage your grandparents left you than you would think. Only through caring for your land will you appreciate it. But you should also find your own way (I am sure your grandparents also grew things you didn't like), keep from your grandparents what you like and supplement that by whatever you have discovered on your own. In turn, you will leave that to future generations who will also keep some, leave some and have fond memories of the time when they sat on the porch shucking beans with you.

In a way, part of my garden is my grandparents' grave, and it's just as well, as their real grave is overseas. This way, I can keep in touch with them every day and not just every leap year.

It is sad that times have changed so much...i've been fascinated with plants and nature in general since i could crawl. Nobody encouraged me or even paid attention, it is just in my genes. My dad grew up on farms, an orphan passed around to relatives as a farm hand, and he always promised me a garden, but it didn't happen until he retired and bought a house.

So in the meantime, from the age of about 3, i found a gardener...starting with an old deaf Italian man who lived next door, I have vivid memories of pulling the worms out of sod he was lifting, and taking them to the compost pile and seeing his brown, bald head and big gap-toothed smile. I can still see those gorgeous tomatoes, peppers, big fat eggplants....roses and peonies...I soon figured out that i could just mouth the words when i talked to him, that was kinda cool.

I lived with my grandmother for a while, and vividly remember her letting me plant morning-glories around her clothesline-poles, watching them grow, and vine, those fascinating twisted blooms unfurling that you gotta get up early to enjoy....

When we moved I found another neighbor man who was always working in his yard, by then i had a good eye for weeds, and he'd pay me a cold Coke and maybe some of his wife's cookies to help him weed, lift bulbs, pick up sticks.

He gave me some seeds that i took home and planted in a little patch i dug up myself....i even put up a little plastic greenhouse to keep my carrots alive after it snowed, i can still smell the inside of that plastic tent, and taste those carrots...i was about 9. We moved again, and i found another old man who appreciated my help. Never ever had a bad experience going up to a strange gardener. To this day.

In the winter, i'd grow grapefruit seeds and carrot tops and had a bedroom full of cast-off houseplants that i collected from the cemetery trash...

I guess to make a long story longer, it's in my blood...my Dad came from a long line of farmers, there's some Potawatomi indian blood in there, my older sister is the hunter-gatherer, morel mushrooms, bluegills, wild asparagus call to her. No one encouraged us or praised us for doing what comes naturally.

Sadly, though i've been able to make good veggie-eaters out of my kids and grand-daughter, the garden gene hasn't been passed on...yet... I've done the bean teepees and sunflower houses, gave my kids their own spots, which of course i ended up taking care of...my grandgirl doesn't even want to pick berries anymore, she's afraid of bugs...sigh...

What i wouldn't give to find a mini-me about now...;~)

> Are you encouraging a total stranger from the inet to have relations with children? Either you've never had kids, you're not protective enough to have them or you don't care about OPs children.

You're a nut, to think that every person is a potential molestor. Sheesh. Molestation has NOT gotten worse int he past century. People have gotten ridiculously paranoid. Guess what? If a kid's going to get molested, 40% of the time, it's done by their OWN FAMILY MEMBER. And 40% of the time, it's another kid who does it. 10% of the time involves a stranger. So go flip out about your uncles getting near your kids or your kids playing with other kids and leave some perfectly innocent stranger alone.

And yes, I'm a mother. I'm not one who lies awake in terror at the thought of child abductors grabbing my kids through the windows, though.

I've been closely acquainted with two accusations of child molestation. Both were false. One was some whack job of a mother accusing my then THREE-year-old autistic brother of "molesting" her daughter (supposedly by touching her clothed rear-end). What three-year-old who is not abused themselves has any concept of sexual touching, much less a child who does not EVER willingly touch non-family members due to his condition? The other was a family I babysat for once. Only after did I find out that the two youngest had accused another babysitter of molestation. It made my hair stand on end, because I'd already decided I wouldn't babysit for the family anymore because their two youngest kids were such horrid liars and brats. They fabricated outrageous tales for reaction constantly. I dislike very few children, but them I couldn't stand. I had actually spent a lot of time with the accused babysitter as a supervisor in a childcare setting, and I never got the slightest whiff of anything inappropriate from him--not EVER. He never paid special attention to any particular child, he never tried to be alone with any child, and he never showed any sort of undue interest in anything even remotely questionable. I knew the accused as an honorable and upright person; I knew the accusers as pathological liars. And in today's environment, the accused was convicted. It just as easily could have been me.

Are the molestation statistics accurate? Well, if you count what they count, which is stuff like one kid asking another if they can see/touch the equipment they don't have. Never happened to me, but lots of kids "play doctor," and it's "molestation" under most definitions. I wouldn't condone it, but I wouldn't lock the child up with a therapist for the next five years, either.

My DS used to take a shower with the door open until his two-year-old sister suddenly decided that pen1ses are hilarious and started to try to grab him whenever he stepped out of the tub. That would be molestation to many social services types.

This is not to belittle what people suffer when they are truly molested. But today's "stranger/danger" focus is misguided, dangerous, and it unnecessarily frightens children and threatens the lives of both innocent children and adults who are falsely accused of molestation and/or are coerced into false claims that can have consequences of enormous magnitude. (If you regularly quiz your child on whether he/she has been or is being molested, for instance, the chances that the child will eventually make up a lie to "please" you are very high.)

These days, every activity in which my kids take part and I have any sort of role, I have to submit to a background check for. Is it to protect the kids? Not a chance. Is it to protect the volunteers? Nope. It's to protect the organizations from possible lawsuits. I'm getting really tired of being treated like a criminal whenever I try to do something nice, especially since I very well know that it wouldn't protect the kids from any real danger. It's all part of our brand-new CYA culture. And none of it CMA at all. It's starting to seem too dangerous to *me* to even help out, especially when there are crackpot parents who see molesters behind every bush.

You're a nut, to think that every person is a potential molestor.

I never said everyone is a potential molester but in all actuality they are. If you think the inet ISN'T a refuge for their type you're a fool. Anonymity is the worst part. You could be posing as a mother. There are a lot of people on the inet that live a totally different life than what they state on the WWW.
BTW I know(or thought I knew) a woman that molested a 3 year old girl. At one time I dated this woman and had no clue. Come to find out she has a brain disorder that will just continue to get worse so all of 'them' are not born with this sickening problem but it could develop over time.

So go flip out about your uncles getting near your kids or your kids playing with other kids and leave some perfectly innocent stranger alone.

How do you know they are innocent? Do you have some special gift?
It actually sounds like you need some counseling.

My mother had a garden maybe 2 times in my whole life and I think if she had continued, we would have loved it as kids. I remember her having me plant popcorn and planting some extra strawberry plants the neighbors gave us. They didn't produce much, but the corn grew perfectly. Her second garden when I was 15, I remember helping can the tomatoes. I also remember peeling apples with my grandmother, plus helping her cook a fried apple fritter with them. My grandmother had already quit gardening when I was old enough to get a good memory, but I remember her kicking the potatoes around on the ground in the fall looking for some stray ones left over. The rest were in her old wood shed.

Do you turn your canned vegetables upside down after taking them out of the canner? It's supposed to help them seal faster. I also had a false rumor of molestation when I was younger where a small town started a rumor about my own father. I was questioned in school about it, but it shocked me. My dad hated people who did things like that, but you know how small towns are. Another girl went with it and lied on her own father, I think the counselor put the idea in her head. You have to be careful about false accusations as well. It could ruin someone's life and turn your own child into your enemy.

As far as getting younger kids into gardening, that is smart to do, but better be done in something like an organized program maybe like Big Brothers/Big Sisters as mentors or through your local churches. It could just be a suggestion for each class at school to put out a garden, each class plant something a little different. I worked at a nursing home where they had the more healthier patients help put in a garden. They grew okra, tomatoes, and greens. Not sure how much they planted, but it looked nice.

"If you can't share your garden with your grandparents, you can still share it with family, people who will know what you mean by "granny's beans" "

And someday we all will be the elder generation - perhaps the grandparents - and be the impetus of it all.

Don't forget that these revered grandparents were once the children, learning about it all from some trusted source of knowledge - perhaps their own grandparents - that they missed and mourned at some point in their lives.

We ourselves go from spring to summer with help from family, and then fall with few to guide us, and finally winter where we may pass on the knowledge.

Obviously - these wonderful grandparents you all remember did not give up during tough times. Don't be the ones to let family traditions fail.

Along with the suggestions about reaching out to community for intergenerational contacts, let me add that even though you might not realize it, younger people are watching and some may 'catch' the gardening bug from the pleasure they see you getting from it. Younger people who walk past my yard often stop to chew the fat and comment on the flowers/veggies. The kids who walk by on way to/from school probably think the old lady in the hat is funny, but happy to eat a fruit from the garden or take flowers to teacher/mom. I make a point to speak to them when them walk past. I hope they see the pleasure I get from my garden. Well, who knows?

My Dad is long gone ... but still here in my garden. He helped me landscape when our our house was new. Now I remember when trimming and mulching those shrub/tree trimmings. He made gardening look easy. Hard work made easier with a smile, joke, or a song. My kids joke about Mom's compost pile and worms, but they see my pleasure and I predict/hope when they have space for a garden, that gardening will continue through the generations.

My fondest memories from childhood are mostly centered around gardening. My dad was a patient teacher. He would take the time to show me how far apart to drop the seed corn, how many cucumber seeds to plant in a hill, how to kick the dirt over the seeds "just so" to give them good contact with the soil. My mom taught me how to feel an ear of corn to see if it was ripe, which lima beans to pick, how to pick (and enjoy eating!) strawberries.

We would sit on folded up towels on the cool concrete floor and shell beans for hours. When I looked at the few I had shelled in my bowl in comparison to Mom's much larger batch, I'd get upset because I wasn't able to keep up with her. She would always smile and tell me that every one I shelled was one she didn't have to.

Then we would wash and blanch and chill and bag up to freeze all those wonderful beans or corn or whatever was producing. And she would tell me stories of her childhood when they had to can at least 50 quarts of every vegetable, preferably 100 quarts each so they could share with less fortunate neighbors.

I've been a gardener all my life, in large part because of the influence of my parents. They managed to make hard work enjoyable by their attitude and kindness. Although they have been gone from the earth's gardens for many years, every year my garden brings me closer to them.

If you want to teach children to garden, get involved with an already established local group that works with young people. Or check with the cooperative extension office in your area about the Master Gardener program. MGs in most areas work with 4H, scouts, and schools to teach gardening skills to kids.

Sandy

Gardener Sandy -- I wonder where you are? I have lived all my life in a city (foreign country), and lived in the city for first 6 years in the U.S. I never imagined I would move to the country and start a small garden with the help of my husband, and enjoy it every bit! It's a learning curve for sure, and I dont have any grandma or grandpa to help me along - so I have to rely on GW people experience, or reading books.

The thing is, we have neighbors with kids, and they love getting free-give-aways from our garden. But anytime I mention something to the effect of "your kids are welcome to come and create their own little patch in our garden, for any fruit or veggie they would like, or just come and learn 'how-to' and maybe they will want to create their own, etc." -- I just get "no thanks", and they keep the kids to themselves, locked in the house, watching TV and playing video games.

"But anytime I mention something to the effect of "your kids are welcome to come and create their own little patch in our garden, for any fruit or veggie they would like, or just come and learn 'how-to' and maybe they will want to create their own, etc." -- I just get "no thanks", and they keep the kids to themselves, locked in the house, watching TV and playing video games."

Unfortunately - any adult taking an interest in spending time with unrelated children is weird and creepy these days. I wonder if there really are more pedophiles these days, or if the victims died with their secrets in earlier epochs.

At any rate - parents must be very careful, and it's sad the that children may well miss out on wonderful, formative experiences due to their diligence, but I don't think we can fault parents for being careful.

And in today's environment, the accused was convicted. It just as easily could have been me.

My heart and love goes out to this innocent person. What incredible pain he must live in. To be falsely accused and then convicted is the most horrible experience.

In the old days we accused them of being witches and burned them at the stake. Now we call them sexual and bury them in jails.

Never stop loving. Love is god inside of you. god would never hurt anyone. Love will never hurt anyone. Of course I am talking about real spiritual love not the movie love.

I will give an interesting truth of the universe.

If you have fear then you always must face that fear until you finally love & trust god and walk through the fear. Then when you find upon walking through the fear that god protected you, you will be healed and never have to walk through it again.

For those who fear rape. I suspect they will face rape some day. Because they must face the fear to heal the fear. Those who do not fear being raped will never face rape because it does not need to be healed.

The lesson is two fold.

do not fear.
walk through your fears to heal them.

I think it is really bad to teach your child to fear being raped. Better to teach confidence that the child can take care of herself. Give her the knowledge & confidence of what to do in a situation but always make sure there is no fear.

Fear is a block to god. Those who do not believe in god will believe in fear. Those who know god loves them and they trust in a good god protecting them will not have fear. Why should I fear when god protects me. Fear says god will not protect me. It is a statement of self non love. If you love yourself then you know god loves you and protects you.

All decisions based on fear always are the wrong decision. All decisions based on Love are always the correct decision.

But anytime I mention something to the effect of "your kids are welcome to come and create their own little patch in our garden, for any fruit or veggie they would like, or just come and learn 'how-to' and maybe they will want to create their own, etc." -- I just get "no thanks"

Maybe if you had said "You and your kids"?
You singled them out and that is creepy.

Good lord, Taz! Do you think I meant grabbing some kid off the street and pulling them into the garden?????
I AM a mother, a GOOD ONE. I also teach spec ed (and teach "stranger danger" BTW). My children have grown to be lovely professional adults!
What I was trying to say was having neighbor children WHO YOU KNOW THE FAMILIES come into the garden.I live on a driveway with 4 houses, and all of the kids ran in and out of each others' houses all day long! They climbed the fence to get to the goat barn. We had a ladder between properties to get over the fence!
Now that my kids are grown and out of the house, there are new kids in the neighborhood that like to come by and play with my dog (with their parents' permission, of course)
We have regular neighborhood watch picnics and meetings and the ones who DON'T show up are the ones we tend to avoid.
And to top it all off....we're in CRAZY CALIFORNIA!!!!!!!!! AAAKKKKKKKKKKK!
Get a grip!

I've got a grip! I lived in CA for 29 years BTW.
The bad apples out there already have too many ideas and don't need another and you never know who's reading this stuff. That's all I meant and nothing more. Sure the majority on this site are here for tips or info on gardening or to share their experiences but there's some fruit cakes out there too. I could name a few but I like it here on GW.

Taz - you and the likes are what keeps children from growing up. Mother hens are all over and around us. Sure, not every experience will be positive or highly educating - but that's what the life experience is - some are good, some are bad. If they dont learn that, they will be a burden on the society.

I am talking about people who just like to sit in front of TV all day and into the night instead of taking a walk in a beautiful country setting, crossing the road to chat with neighbors, and letting their kids out of their immediate perimeter of control. They have a swing set and a basketball set up in front but they never use it. These people open the door to me anytime they see me cross the road with a basket of veggies or a homemade cake. If they thought I was creepy - they would not open the door and definately not eat what I grow or cook -- "ooooo, maybe she put some mushrooms in that cake and we will get sick".

jollyrd you're about as smart as a box of rocks if you think you can sum me up from a few words written on a forum. It's not that you're ignorant, it's that you know so much that just isn't so.

well, from your very first post to the last you appear to be in 'fear of all' human interaction.

"... do you know solidago personally? Are you encouraging a total stranger from the inet to have relations with children? Either you've never had kids, you're not protective enough to have them or you don't care about OPs children. "

These people are my neighbors of 3 year years, they trust us with their house. Every summer I offer they try to garden or let their kid try a bit of gardening at our place -- which is visible from their front porch.

Most people just aren't interested in gardening, even those that think they might be.

A lot that think they are pop up every spring only to forget about "all that" by the time summer has burnt all their plants up.

There's nothing to blame like TV, video games, etc, in my opinion...it's just not very interesting to most people to put something in the ground, take care of it, and get something from it 2-3+ months later. Well, it's interesting to me, but some people find polka music interesting and I sure don't.

It is neat when the 2-3 months have passed and things are producing, but keeping the attention (in both adults and children) to get to that point can be a motivational chore.

Are you saying that solidago is your neighbor? I don't understand.

As a follow up...

I've helped install and maintain community projects where kids grow things.

They're there for the installation...not many are there for the harvest...and even fewer are there for the 2-3 months it takes to get from point A to point B.

I don't blame the kids. Not all were there because they wanted to be. Though almost all thought it was neat/cool/whatever it's just not satisfying enough to many of them to keep their interest while the plants are growing. Parents or a (very) few kids go out there during that in-between period to keep up the slack unless it's maintenance is an assigned project.