sah54, thank you for taking the time to list and tally all of your expenditures. There are loads of times when people who come here looking for help wish to know the cost of landscape items. Just the "ball park" is often all they need. Too, some people have an idea that things for the yard should somehow cost next to nothing, and they are surprised to find that it's not the case. The information is helpful for letting people in on some of the costs they could expect. There is not a good SCIENTIFIC way to answer your question about whether using a designer would give you a better plan for the same money. I think it depends on the designer. Some people choose the wrong designer so are not as happy as you are after they have the work done. Admittedly, since I have a dog in the fight I am prejudiced, but I believe that IF a person chooses the right designer, they will achieve more for a given expenditure. Often, a homeowner does not know how to avoid wasting money, whereas a designer knows many ways. And they know many ways to enhance property. Hopefully, they have good taste as that would be key in how helpful they can be. But using a designer can be a double-edged sword as sometimes they find ways to design too much spending into the plan. You've done a good job and made yourself happy so I'm sure will have no regrets.

Sally2 said:"That's so very sad. My heart goes out to his family - they must be suffering terribly. I am sorry for your loss. As a sort of side note, a former pastor of mine spent some time as chaplin at the county hospital's trauma unit here in Dallas. He told us there was a poster up on the wall that said something to the effect of, "Give your son a motorcycle for his last birthday." Shawn was riding his mother's motorcycle. AS far as we know he had gone after some food for his mother and great grandmother since great-grand mother was not feeling good. Last evening we went by the place where the accident happened and we could see the skid marks and the impact marks on the concrete light pole. We also saw the food items that had been lost in the crash that had not been cleaned up, they were scattered along the road in the gutter. It is a tragedy for the family in that Shawn was the youngest son and had not yet married any one.

This is my whole point. BM's who do these things are all about control and what they think they are "entitled" to in the name of the kids. "Kill them with kindness" is all good and fine for some but I've discovered that taking away their "control" is what really works. No BM should be calling DH b/c of something that happened at her house. It's not your DH's problem anymore. He doesn't live there. At the same time, what happens at DH house is none of BM's business. The parents should be able to call and speak to kids no matter where they are if it's within reason. In our case, it wasn't so we chose to add $10 a month to our cell phone bill and get the kids a cell phone. Believe me it was $10 well spent. We got the 7 yr old a "migo" cell phone which is age appropriate and prevents him from running up a bill. There are always ways to deal with these ex's properly, you just have to put some thought into it sometimes and make it happen. Most of them are not about the DH or the kids but getting to the woman who replaced them. Most of the time it works until it's you squash her like the roach she is. As SMOMS, we are not powerless and even though a lot of people say (and I HATE this), "It's not YOUR problem, don't let it bother you". Well it becomes our problem. Not only b/c we are human and have natural protective instincts, but also b/c it feels like an overstep of boundaries and an invasion of privacy and NO ONE has a right to that. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, "What if this person were a stranger?" Would you allow such behavior? If the answer is "no", do something. It's time for us SMOMS to stop feeling like and being treated like a 3rd wheel in our own lives! There! Sermon over! LOL Sorry if I got a little carried away there. : )

To JUSTMETOO...Ok..lots to answer..haha. This ex of my bfs is posting on facebook NOW...how she can't wait to go to this party. I have no problem if she wishes to see the family when we are not there. When she does go see this family which she has done a few times in the past 3 years she puts my bf down, cursing and talking trash about him to his own elderly mother. This mother also has told her to "please stop talking badly about my son in my home". She keeps it up. My ml is afraid that her granddaughter who is an adult will not come if her mother is not invited. YES this grown daughter will NOT show up if her mother does not come with her. I do NOT know why she is like this. I would NOT come with my own daughter. My daughter would make her own mind up and tell me to not go...This daughter will not. The family says they invite the mom ONLY to see the granddaughter and their cousin. If I go, and she starts talking badly about my bf and what a crummy dad he was and how awful he is when she is drunk...I will get myself in trouble and sock her...Thus I choose to remain home. My bf says he does NOT want to go if she is there. That is his choice. I have told him to go and enjoy himself. He says he is NOT going. Thus I have told him to tell his family to not let the ex come..Why should he not go to his mothers birthday..I know the mom would rather see her son than his ex. It has nothing to do with me feeling insecure. Its been 24 years I have been with him. Yes, I have ALWAYS gotten along with his family and always go to the family functions. They call me up all the time his neices...as does his mom. I think it has to do with a respect issue. I am not invited, but his ex is? I don't think so.....My bf did call and say, whats up with my woman not getting an invite...OH..usually the invitations ALWAYS have both our names on it..This time only his name was on it.....They told him that his ex did NOT want me there and she would be uncomfortable. She again told them her grown daughter would NOT go if she could not attend. Family says she suffers from Schizophrenia. Not sure if this is true. My bf just says this is too much drama and he does not want to go. So YES, I was NOT invited. He says if I am not invited, he is not going either. I do have to say that his ex NEVER brings her husband when she knows my bf will be there. ONLY when he is not there. Her husband was invited to come with her to this party but she says she is not bringing him so she can feel more comfortable around my bf...WTF??? She tells his family she is in a bad LONG marriage over 24 years and that she is still in love with my bf...I have to say that my bf has ALWAYS been very passive and does NOT like any type of confrontation. NONE....When she flings herself on him YEARS ago he would push her off and tell her to stop it. If she was drinking, she will not stop. The first time I saw her years ago she said she had to get drunk to meet me. She also said she had planned to SLAP my face...And I had NEVER even met her before..This was YEARS ago but still, she is a nut job and why would I put myself into that situation of beating her down...haha. Sorry but that is what I might do..I think if the family wishes to see her they can by all means do that...Invite her anytime they wish..but NOT to his own mothers party...when he would be there. This is a nightmare and I really will throw this family out with the wash. I have my own HUGE family. I have an ex as well...and I am VERY close to my ex inlaws and the entire HUGE family. I have 2 kids with my ex and have NEVER brought my bf around my ex at my ex families functions. My ex has a long term girlfriend and when there is a big family party...I DO NOT GO...why would I..I can see them anytime I wish on another day...I am also GREAT friends with my ex....but would NEVER think of flinging myself on him especially in front of his gf...That is rude and disrespectful. This ex of my bfs has no boundaries and no self control. Don't know what else to say. My bf has NOT seen this grown daughter since she was a baby. But HE is choosing to not go...I told him to GO even if his ex is there...I just choose NOT to be there...He wants me to go and says if I don't go, he is not going either....I am NOT going...bottom line end of story..hahaha...