"I'm sorry for your situation, but most of the step parents here are here to make things better, not figure out how to get rid of a step child." Ima, I agree that *most* are. Everyone on here is an individual. Some posts from SP's have struck me as far more resentment-filled than others. Everyone has tehir own problems, and their own proposed solutions to those problems, and their own blockages as terms of what they can or can't see to get perspective on. When I offer a critical response to some facet of step-parental decision-making, it's not meant to be applied to every step-parent on this forum. I don't lump you all together. Yes, there are soemtimes certan tendecies, based on issues that tend to be classically divisive... but on these boards I see a wide variety of reactions and strategies, some of which I agree with more than others. And Cawfe, I agree that people should always try to move beyond pain and "let things go". Which is what I am trying to do with my SM, but she makes it extremely difficult. (I never posted a follow-up about my recent visit, but I will later... in a nutshell, I did everything under the sun to try and offer her olive branches, conversation, open-ness... all being met with huffiness and nasty comments. And no acknowledgement one way or the other of my "congratulations on your wedding" card and the personal, lengthy message I wrote inside it, or my offer of celebratory dinner. It takes two to make peace.) I struggle with trying to "move forward" with her every single day. I, like many of us on here, try to keep my expressions of my anger in this situation confined to venting: to friends, on this board, etc.... It's very hard to just make all the pain & anger go away, in the face of my dad dying (but, paradoxically, this is the very reason I am doing my best to do just that!) and all the emotions that is stirring up, and my SM's many continued attempts to push me out of my dad's life, ESPECIALLY now. Again, I want to repeat: I am aware of my biases, and aware that many of the SP's on here (and probably most SP's in general) are decent caring people who genuinely want things to improve. I have made a point of saying as much to various SP's on here whom, it's clear to me, are doing positive caring things. I am also aware of how difficult it can be to fight an "evil stepmother" stereotype. My intention is not to make any blanket condemnations of any specific people on this board. I do tend to point out the "worst case scenario" that *could* result from a certain trajectory of thinking... or the way so-and-so could be *interpreted* by sensitive SK's such as me. Some actions are thoughtless, whether on the part of SK's, BM's, DH's, SP'.... doesn't necessarily always mean the *whole person* is awful, or that they always make the wrong choice, or that they mean to. There are some SP's who resent the kids and wish them away, and sometimes they are ambivalent about this and sometimes they have no conscience about it whatsoever. Likewise, there are some SK's who deliberately exploit their parents' feelings of guilt and/or have no sense of independent responsibility, sometimes, again, without a conscience, sometimes torn b/c they, too, feel guilty. My point is that I truly don't think that as a group, SP's are ANY WORSE than anyone else, just b/c they're SP's. I admit to having had experiences that incline me to hyper-vigilance toward certain tendencies, which I point out here. I simply haven't had the experiences of being the SM and, say, saddled with excessive responsibilities the DH won't help with, or besieged by a drug-addled BM or a kid who refuses to say Word One to me. I read your experiences, and as I said, feel genuinely sorry for you undergoing many of these things. Many of those things TRULY SUCK, but soem suck more than others. Other things are just par for the course having kids in your life. I have my own opinions about what is or isn't a major deal to complain about, but those are my opinions. When I minimize something as trivial that you complain about, my true intent is to try and put it in perspective so you see the bigger picture and so you're less upset about it. Sometimes, yes, it gets frustrating to hear what sound *to me* like some of the more minor complaints, and that's when I get sarcastic. I apologize if this offends... I can only hope, though, that you take from it a perspective of what it might feel like to the SK... if for no other reason than to get an inside view on it and hopefully pre-empt a painful conflict in your own situation. I'm not here to attack. Emotional as it can get on here (and sometimes, for all of us, it can hit below the belt), I still think it's informative and enlightening for all of us. Think of all the folks that literally have NO CLUE what the other "side" is thinking...

Thank you for letting me vent and for the tips and your experiences. Cynic you made me laugh. LOL So I call my brother today so he could give me a ride to the computer shop. I've just about had it with all this stuff then he says "you don't need an Ethernet Port" Blah, blah, blah. Not again! LOL He says he has dial up and he just uses his phone line. He said he wasn't going to take me just so I could waste my money. Geez Louise, I can't take anymore. LOL So I made some more calls - they are really getting to know mw in old India now - the guy said he could see it was about my 10th call. I told him if any of you could give me a straight answer or the correct thing to do I wouldn't have to keep calling. LOL I told him I wanted to cancel the "tech" that was coming to my house on Friday since I won't be home. He said he had no record of any tech arranged to come to my house. Not again! I told him he had better give me a number of who I can call because I won't be home. After asking me to wait on hold for 2 minitues (they all say 2 minitues) I get a Canadian number. I called them and finally got a cheerful person and they cancelled the tech. I called the Bell Shop again and asked if I really need the Ethernet Port (to confirm this for my brother) and he said yes. I asked if I should use another type of modem since I have a desk top and don't really have the need for wireless. He said no. I unhook the CPU and call my brother to pick me up. He still doesn't believe me but he said "its your money" I take the computer into the shop which was extremely busy and when I finally got to talk to the compuer repair tech he told me yes I did need the Ethernet Port but he said even though I will have DSL not to download anything - just use the computer for research. He also told me not to install Bell's security system because it will just shut down my computer. Great. He said to download the free AVG. He then didn't think I had a wireless card in the computer. Me, I know nothing about computers so it was kind of hard to comprehend all the things he was telling me not to do or what could happen. I am glad I didn't sign a monthly contract with Bell. Who knows how long this computer will last. I won't do anything on it like banking or shopping. I am worried about someone outside getting access to my computer just because I am wireless. Now that I can't install Bell's security I am kind of worried about that. I don't want someone sitting outside of my house watching child pornography or something like that. I know one year at the Election Office we turned on one of the laptops and hooked into someone elses system. We found out who they were and told them the next day to fix their security. Good thing it was us and not someone else. I think after I talk to the computer repair guy and see what he says I might call Bell again (wawa I don't want to) and see if I can just take back the wireless modem and get a hard wired one. I found out today I do have a USB port whatever that is. LOL Isn't that where I would download pictures from my camera? I wish I had bought the new computer like I was going to before my friend gave me hers. I was so excited - now not so much. Still I am grateful she was kind enought to think of me. I still have my Webtv thank goodness. LOL I just might forget about going online and use the computer for typing and playing Scrabble. LOL Better than nothing and I won't have to worry about viruses and trojan horses, etc. LOL I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving. Rhonda, I am going to call the Executive Office of Bell and complain. I do want something for all the aggravation and their incompetence. They can at least give me 3 months free for wasting my "precious time" like good old Dave from India said he didn't want to do. Anne

Look, we adults are having a hard time getting our minds around someone committing this sort of crime. You can't really expect that decent teens really believed he'd do something like that--which explains why some of them probably didn't bother to report it. And the ones who DID believe him? Well, maybe they were the type who were supportive of him, and hoped he'd pull it off. I don't think we can really blame the classmates here--they're just kids and don't really know what to do in this sort of situation. Sad case, though--poor kid sounds as if he probably didn't have a lot of good in his background. As to parents responsibility? I know a woman who is undiagnosed but who is definitely a sociopath. She has no conscience, doesn't know the difference between truth and lies, or right and wrong. She's been like that since she was an infant. Even when she was a year or two old, her mother couldn't correct or discipline her--the child willed herself to throw up everytime she was thwarted. She was stealing by the time she was old enough to walk. Her parents tried to teach her the difference between right and wrong, but it didn't work. She grew up to be someone who abuses her husband and children, who steals from her own family (a quarter of a million from her disabled mother is one drop in that bucket). And here's the thing--her brother is the kindest, sweetest, most ethical person I know--and I SHOULD know because I've been married to him for over 36 years. There are some children who are just born damaged and NO amount of good parenting will save them. I believe that. Some parents are very poor at their jobs, but others try their hardest and kids can still go wrong. In this case? who knows, sounds like this boy could have had both genetic and environmental issues that sent him along the path he chose. Shame.

The "crime" of faux flowers and wreaths is that they inevitably will get dusty and tired no matter how fastidious a housekeeper you are. And old, tired, dusty faux anything is just plain not attractive to anyone. It's a big reason these are out of favor. It's spring and art fairs will be starting soon. Go to them and look for some art for your walls! Visit local galleries. Unless one lives on the Upper East Side in NYC, most galleries have affordable art - it's not all the price of a major house addition. A now departed friend who as an antique dealer once gave me some very good advice; one need never apologize for an empty wall. Leave it empty until one finds what what truly wants and loves.