Not being a baby. But maybe you are being challenged to cultivate the garden of own heart more, in the face of her insensitivity.

I like the cultivating the garden of the heart analogy. Maybe have a calm talk with her to find out why she does it. If it does something good for her, then you are learning the art of sharing. Sounds like you get to eat what you've grown, yes?

Awww....what's she thinking?! I'm sorry she is disabled, but that doesn't have any bearing on this. It's about letting you get the full satisfaction of all the effort of putting in a garden. Have you had a gentle conversation with her, or maybe a little note? Can she cook, maybe she could do a recipe with the produce YOU pick.

Or....alternate weeks. One week you harvest, the next week it's her turn. Compromise. Anger won't get you anywhere, but sweetness will.

No joke.

I just got home and my mother just said very nonchalantly that she gave all the tomatoes that she picked today to the neighbor!!!!! That included 3 brandywines which i have very few of! I am so mad and she said was "well you give them away." Ya, i give the tomatoes i grew to friends WHEN i have A LOT of tomatoes!!!! And i distinctly remember mentioning to ger yesterday that i had 3 brandywines that would probably be ripe by today. I guess what she heard was pick them and give them away. Aaaaaghh!!!

Since you're going to do the work anyways, why don't you give her, her own section where she can do whatever she wants to the fruits of your labors, but it be understood that your section is under no means to be touched by anyone other than you? Just a thought.

Motion-activated sprinklers?

Just kidding. Seriously, I would be furious also! I don't ask anyone to help me with my veggie gardens (well, except for some structural stuff that my husband helps me with), and no one touches anything without asking. Of course it probably helps that I don't work during the summer.

Sorry. Wish I had a solution.

When I was in elementary/middle school my mom would do that...and she's a reasonable person outside of that...most of the time.

I offered to help her build her own veggie garden (to this day she's had 2 attempts, both 1/2-assed), but she seemed more interested in adopting what I created and doing the harvest "work" for me.

It drove me mad...and I have no advice because she never stopped until I moved out and went to college. I'm in my mid-30s now and I'm pretty sure it'd still happen if I happened to live at home.

Go figure...

Nc-crn: thats exactly what i feel like shes doing!!! After she told me she gave away my tomatoes i told her they were not hers to give and she just didnt say anything. She always says she wants to garden, help garden, plant her own things but never does or does a half ass job and lets whatever die.

Just remember, she nurtured and raised YOU just like you are nurturing and raising your veggies. It may be a bit annoying, but maybe it makes her happy, and that should count for something.

mindy, whatcha doing later? wanna go and have beer?

my girlfriend is the exact same way. when it comes time to plant,weed,water,build,the heart aches of gardening,etc. she is uninterested and finds any reason not to help. but when its the fruits of my labor she'll give it to anyone and everyone. she gave away my zucs last night, not one left! now her and buddies are eye balling my corn and cucs. :(

at least no tomatoes are ripe.

Terrybull: lmao!!! Ive sat there while my mother has offered my as yet unpicked produce to other family members!! Right in front of me like im not even there!

ditto :/

Honestly, if she shared the work or just asked beforehand, it wouldnt bother me. Add to that that we are on a TIGHT food budget and her offering produce (which is a luxury item if we have to buy it) when we dont have a surplus of anything this year, is just plain irresponsible. I have told the neighbors to help themselves to herbs we have a ton of but the actual FOOD food is supposed to be for people who live here and sorry, i would like to fill a basket with all the goodies ive spent the past 6 months planning and tending at least every once in a while.

Well, for better or worse you only get one mother. But many years of gardening. Meanwhile, maybe you should get up earlier than her and do the picking. I know my husband likes to give away stuff I've grown because he is very proud of what I have done, since he couldn't do it himself. Of course he respects my boundaries there, probably because he didn't give birth to me. ;)

Apparently your mother understands full well about the satisfaction of harvesting, since it seems to be the only part of the process that she is interested in. It's strange that she is unwilling to share that satisfaction with her own child. :(
One thing you can do is pick your tomatoes at first blush (ie 'break' in color), and bring them inside to ripen fully. Tomatoes ripen just fine off the vine...taste & texture is not affected, as the tomato has already gotten everything it needs from the plant at this point. You could even hide them if you think she will keep handing everything out...That way your tomatoes can ripen in safety, away from bugs and critters...splitting...etc. ;)
Good luck. Sounds aggravating...As if gardening wasn't hard enough, right?
~Caroline

That would make me pretty darned angry, too. I'd make it well known that this will be your last effort at gardening at that property. I wouldn't be nasty about it, but just matter of fact. Maybe, in a passive-aggressive way you can get her to think about your feelings on this matter.

You might also tell her that you are looking for another location in which to plant your garden for next year.

I'll bet that she doesn't 'harvest' any weeds while she's in the garden, does she? ;-)

Sunnibel: and someone else brought up the whole shes your mother thing. You cant assume just because she popped out a handful of fetises that shes any decent kind of parent. I absolutely am not going into thia on a gardening forum but the simple fact that she got knocked up does not make her any more or less special in my eyes. Being someones parent doesnt entitle you to their hard earned things. To me the harvesting thing is an emotional thing but giving it away is a flat out jerk thing to do regardless if we have similar genetics. I wouldnt expect a parent taking 20 or 30 bucks out of your bank account every week would be acceptable, i think giving away anything you worked for and taking away the satisfaction it would have given you is in a way emotional abuse. Truat me. I know my mother. Its much more complicated than i could ever explain but bottom line is thay giving birth doesnt make you entitled anything. And being my mom doesnt negate the negative feelings i have about her actions.

If you would like to make this a personal conversation, then I am happy to email you. If you do not wish to discuss your mother on a gardening forum, I suggest you not bring her up as a subject of a thread, dear heart, much less go on about her. You seem very young, whereas I am no longer in that catergory, alas. I merely said you only get one mother. Whether you like her or not, it is an important relationship in your life. Anger will only bring more of the same. Try a different approach. It has nothing to do with the type of mother she is, but rather the type of person you wish to be. I too have a difficult parent, but have found that the effort I have put into making myself a better part of that relationship has paid off immensely. Compared to the years spent fighting and wishing the other person were diffent, which were just miserable. Best wishes.

Meanwhile, if picking is what you want, then find a way to make it happen. Get up extra early and pluck those tomatoes!

My step Mother used to do the same, or even worse. She would invite her sister over and they would clean me out!

Plus if she saw something that she didn't recognize, like carrots and Brussels she would pull them and toss! Even though she never picked up a hoe or pulled a real weed!

I'm glad she moved back to her house after Dad died.

Wertach: : o. I would kill someone!!!! Thats just wrong!!

People do not realize you have an emotional attachment toyour vegetables! A neigbor asked me for an onion (they were right there) so of course I said yes. Then she told me they were not even to eat just to slice up and supposedly reduce smells in her basement. Oh well!

Good post Mindy ~ all very true ~ I agree.

Thanks caroline. I told her first thing this morning that i would be harvesting today. Shes been busy so i should probably run out there now before she gets any ideas!!! I have today off so ive been able to keep an eye on the garden. Lol. Sounds like im trying to deter theft!

Mindy -- you are trying to deter theft!
My best idea to date: tell her you're going to be doing a new kind of fertilizing that involves spraying all the produce with human urine, so if she's going to give any of it away, she'll have to let people know about that. :)

Good one, Eliza! Although I'd probably say that I'd already sprayed the "fertilizer" that way mom can't say no.

So... whose house is this? Yours or hers?

If it's yours, then would it be advantageous to have a clear conversation on what is appropriate and what is not? Be clear and tough..... set boundaries...etc
(As in... don't touch the food in the garden, don't pick anything, don't give anything away.... or else!) I can't tell if you've done this or not?

Lolauren: its neither. We rent and my brother and his wife have also decided they live here.....*eye roll*. There are always dumb arguments about who has more say in what because i pay this bill or i gave this much for groceries this month blah blah blah. But the yard has always been mine. No one has ever touched it except me and my ex...and the neighbor that rototilled it for me originally 2 yrs ago.

Can you engineer your way out of the frustration by using indeterminate tomatoes in a raised bed and grown so far up a fence/trellis that a disabled person couldn't reach them? Here's my cherry tomatoes from 2 years ago (foggy summers have never let me reach this density since).

{{gwi:88224}}

The foreground vines made it impossible for almost anyone but me to harvest the fruit off the back fence, which wasn't the plan, but might be useful in your situation.

Lol dicot. Shes only 5'3 and im 5'9 so that might actually work for toms.