Hi! I read your post and it sounds somewhat like our situation (though no accusations about affairs or anything--just unsupervised children!) Anyway, since we moved to our home with a 2 year old, and another on the way, I insisted that if we did nothing else to our landscaping, we needed to install a fence! Since our neighborhood was somewhat established, and none of our bordering neighbors had fences, we opted for a split rail fence with a green mesh exterior--which is nearly invisible against the grass and landscaping. This design allowed us to "pen" our child(ren) in, keep the neighbors kids and dogs out, and it was subtle enough so as not to look like a "spite" fence. Once the fence was up, we then planted a mixed row of Rose of Sharon, smallish arborvitaes, along with roses, and barberries (the thorns are also helpful in the fight against would-be entruders!!! LOL!) The other nice thing about this kind of fence is that is CAN be temporary and removed after other plantings fill in, and it is one of the least expensive fencing designs, and both the mesh and individual timbers can easily be replaced if needed. We were able to fence in a relatively large 1/2 acre back yard for about $4000--it may sound a bit expensive, but it was WORTH EVERY PENNY!!! Just something to consider! Good luck!

Dee Can and Buttercupia, thanks for your thoughts. It does seem to me that everyone really does begin to see the delima when they really consider entering another person's property. I always intended to tend to my hedge, but didn't see until the summer after having moved in in the winter that there was no way simply from my side. The only way is to enter the neighbor's fenced in yard. Well, you there have the beginning of legal problems and logistics. I would love to move the hedges and be done, but I just bought a house and that's not a possibility right now financially. I wrote because it was expressed to me strenuously by many that in this situation of a "shared" hedge and the dual benefit of privacy, the respective parties tend their side. Not only that. This is in essence perimeter growth which all those around are trimming without complaint, including myself, so why the difference? This to me is a major point. Contrary to the impression some have garnered about what I "want" to do, I spent last summer doing just what I described, entering their yard and trimming the hedge - avoiding the dog, calling ahead, and even climbing a fence with the help of a ladder. I know we can discuss making it easier to get in, but I needed to know if going to this extreme seemed out of place. At the strong urging of friends did I write to see what common wisdom there might be in this group or common experience. I actually turned to the "Shrub" forum in remembering the advice to do so last year from another section of this site. It does make many pause, it seems, to have to enter another's yard. In any event, I wanted to know what was common when faced with this situation and what prevailing wisdom there might be before speaking further with the neighbor. Thanks so much for your help.

Our kids' dogs occasionally chew on the acorns that blanket our neighborhood and contain toxic gallotannins (yes, oaks are on the poisonous plant list). Various parts of our dwarf peach trees, Texas mountain laurel, groundsel, asclepias, baptisia, and I'm sure others we are not even aware of are also toxic to varying degrees. Pets rarely consume enough (if any at all) to make them sick, but is good to be aware should they ever show symptoms... and to educate kids. With awareness, don't know that oleander would be significantly more dangerous than these others, but does merit some special consideration as "probably the most toxic plant in Texas" (AgriLIFE). TAMU Extension maintains a good list of toxic plants for the livestock folks on Plants of Texas Rangelands.

not only will they not stop growing in height.. but also not in width.. etc ... unless you want to sign up for a life long pruning deal ....im getting too old for that to be fun anymore.. lol ... you said: block my view of their patio from my deck. I'm looking for a screen ==>>> then why not put in a lattice screen ... sink a couple 4 x4 or 4 x6 ... install some lattice.. and grow some vines on it .. annual morning glory ... perennial clematis.. etc ... think outside your tree/conifer box ... i doubt the solution is there ... and it can be done in one weekend .... and right up next to the deck ... you could still do the shrubs out there.. but you goal would be accomplished .... BTW .... how many hours of sun ... ken