BREATHE! ;-) The optical illusion that framed in rooms seem much smaller than they should be has been discussed here many times over the years. Below is a link to one of those old threads. First-time builders often panic at this stage. I know I did. When my house was framed in, I'd have sworn the entire garage was barely big enough to hold a single VW bug...much less three cars. The secondary bedrooms looked like closets and I couldn't see how we could possibly fit a full-sized bed into our master bedroom. LOL! The illusion apparently has something to do with your mind comparing the rooms to the whole out-doors which you can still see through the wide open walls. Once everything is enclosed and you have windows and doors, it may suddenly look huge. And then, once the sheetrock and flooring is in, it should settle down to looking the right size. Now, whether an 18'x20' great room will feel and look big to you depends on several factors including just how much furniture you intend to put in the room and what all you intend to do in it and how big a great room you're currently used to If your "great room" is going to be a combined living area and dining area, 18x20 would be a bit tight because you would be trying to put a dining room table and chairs plus living room furniture into that space. But if your great room is really just a renamed living room (aka "family room", aka "den") then 18x20 ought to be plenty big unless you have really over-sized furniture and a lot of it. Here is a link that might be useful: size looks small while framing?

Trust your instincts. I was in a similar situation before we got married (have been HAPPILY FOR FOUR YEARS NOW). I rolled the waves. WE WON. I saw an attorney with a complete list of everything we owned together and a complete list of how I wanted things divided (we were common-law at that point). I gave my loving husband a copy and told him to think about what he really wanted. (This gal was a REAL BARBIE DOLL, MODEL - I AM NOT!) I saw a counsellor, asked hubby to come, he did not. My counsellor told me of all the people he has counselled he thought I was very attuned to what I saw and that I was extremely intelligent (intuition I think). Basically to put things in perspection - I met my husband as he was coming out of a bad marriage and just finished a divorce. He had a 'history' during his previous marriage of having 'special' friends. I told the doctor I recognised this. It is call 'the black madonna'. About 80 percent of the male population wants a woman wearing a sleezy outfit at their fingertips and a saint at home to look after them. So they have the good wife and fun on the side (even if it is just flirting). His response - dump this guy. I disagreed. I saw the whole thing as a time in my husbands life of confusion. Coming to terms with his divorce. This 'barbie doll' was using him for attention, along with her TWIN sister. They both had their share of problems - love of themselves and male attention. I could see right through them. He wined and dined them. Private emails. Basically treated me like dirt. I sought professional help. Thought long and hard. Some things in life are worth fighting for. I told him to end the relationship. Basically I let her know loud and clear what I thought about her and her sister. I drew the line. Laid my cards on the table. I really spelled it out to my husband he was to shape up or ship out. It took a couple of years to settle down, but we did. He is not proud of his behaviour. He had a history with his first wife of this and I made it extremely clear I would not tolerate it. I had, before our relationship, similar male friends who he did not like - I gave them up because I finally met someone I loved. We are the best of friends. He is the love of my life in so many ways. I consider myself lucky things worked out - they don't always. Ask yourself this: are you really happy feeling like you do? if he continues with the other person - don't you think he wants the sleeze on the side to tickle his fancy while you clean his socks? cook his meals? don't you deserve to be happy to? You have a whole life to live, and only ONE KICK AT THE CAN. Please seek counselling for yourself at the very least. Make sure your head is on straight. See an attorney and get things documented so if the worst happens, you are prepared. Let him know how much you really love him but you also mean business. YOU ARE NOT A DOORMAT. Please seek professional help. I did. I was prepared to move on. Life is too short and you deserve a loving relationship. McPeg

Kimmy, Ignoring antagonizes them more in my opinion. I used to tell her how much I loved her during those icky times, over and over. So hard because at the time I didn't like her at all. I'll give you an example of one of my child's "rages". She wanted to go out on a school night with her BF. It was late and I said no...well, you'd of thought I'd shot her. (And yes, I remember how important my BF was at that age) She got all into my face calling me a Biatch, F U and so on. I knew that she was pulling this so that she could run out of the house in a rage in order to do what she wanted and of course it escalated to that degree. In the meantime her stepdad told her in no uncertain terms that was she not to talk to me like that. "you're not my dad"! she screams in his face. He steps back and she comes at him screaming it again. He puts his hand on her shoulder and tells her to back off. Well, as soon as he touched her she's all about him "hitting" her. Screeching out the door F U all down the drive. About 45 minutes later I get a call from her wanting to come home. Lo and behold her BF wasn't able to pick her up after all. She is at the corner store. I tell her when she apologizes to SD she can come home. Well, that opens the floodgates for another rant about how he hit her, blah blah, I said when you're ready to apologize you can come home and hung up. Five minutes later it's her again on the phone saying how sorry she was. I thanked her and repeated that she'd have to apologize to SD too. Again the rant..I hang up. This goes on 4-5 calls before she agrees that she was in the wrong and will apologize. In our house only a heartfelt apology is accepted, no sarcastic sorrys allowed. Which she did. Hanging up on her every single time she wanted to justify her behavior was so hard for me. So hard. Yet I knew it was the right thing for our family. My daughter was not into throwing or destroying things, so your situation is different. But I did attend a Tough Love meeting, (in support of a friend)and although I didn't agree with most of the methods there were a couple that seemed viable to me. 1. It is your house. And if you don't like what is going on in your home there are things you can do. For instance, taking the door off of her bedroom. They hate having no privacy. 2. You are legally bound to her until she is 18, unless you or she emancipate her. She is welcome in your home if she follows the rules, if not have a safe place for her to stay while she is raging. I'm not an advocate of "dumping" or abandoning a child. I believe that for the most part there is a solution within the home, a parent just needs help in finding that solution. Do not be embarrassed to ask for help. Everyone has challenges with their kids. Don't beat yourself up about her behavior, you're a good mom who cares about her child. This will pass. My daughter is now 37 and is the most lovely person and daughter. It was just a stinky stage that neither one of us are proud of. And I seriously believe that my child's was hormonal. We discussed it with her doctor, who suggested we keep check on her diet and use Midol. It did help some. Know that you are not in this alone, others have gone before you, keep asking for support. And most importantly remind your heart what a good mom you truly are.

You are very smart to want to discuss these things BEFORE you get married and live together. The best way to discuss this without sounding insensitive or uncaring is to simply ask "what would you do?" questions. Without being confrontational, ask him "what would you do if your son got in trouble with the law?" "What would you do if your son needed to move in with us? What kinds of rules would you lay down? For how long would you allow him to stay with us?" Ask him your questions. See what his answer is. Be sure you get specifics. Your definition of "temporary" may be three months, his may be 12, or a vague "let's just see how it goes". Be careful that he doesn't just tell you what you want to hear. The best way to encourage him to do this is by acting like you don't care what his answer is. You are right that this scenario happens a lot and causes a lot of issues in a marriage. It's better to be sure where you both stand before getting married. His inability to say no to his kids is a big red flag. Maybe it's better you live in separate residences for a while longer, until you feel more confident about how he would handle his kids and their issues.