Explore your options now, but don't make permanent plans until you see how much function your mother recovers. And those options should include assisted living facilities. In making your decisions, you need to consider not just your mother's needs and wants, but those of the entire family. It may be best for your mother to be in your home. It may be best for her to be in an assisted living facility with around the clock care. There are 4 people to be considered in making this decision--your mother, you, your DH and your child. It is very easy, and understandable, to make a decision at this point that is in the best interests of the affected person and not in the best interests of other members of the family. Do explore home health care options--the social workers at the hospital should be able to give you lists of agencies that can help. My father desperately wanted to stay in his own home. After he broke his hip, I quit my job to take care of him. There were complications from the surgery. He was in and out of the hospital and rehab for months. During that time, none of my six siblings helped out, although they did come on the weekends to visit. My health suffered. I injured my back and knees because Dad insisted he didn't need help, when clearly he did. I managed to convince Dad and the rest of the family that he needed assisted living after 6 months of caring for him at home. It took a year for me to recover completely after that. My cousin built a lovely in-law apartment on his home and moved his parents in. His father needed aides at night to keep him from wandering off, aides during the day so my aunt could get a break. Physical therapists had to come to their home, because going to an office confused my uncle. For 4 years, my cousin and his family did not attend family events, because they were so involved in caring for his father. Once my uncle went into a nursing home, I swear my cousin's wife looked 10 years younger. They were able to visit with the extended family again. My aunt got a new lease on life, and was able to get out and about and visit her friends, some of whom she hadn't been able to see in 3 or 4 years. No one wanted to put Uncle in a nursing home. But sometimes the toll on the rest of the family is greater than you realize. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I am asking that you take some time to consider all the options, get a good idea of how much self-care your mother will be capable of before she is released, and make clear, informed decisions that take the entire family into account, not just one member.

Please don't misunderstand - the farm people valued their animals and cared for them well. On the other hand - the cattle provided milk and meat, and local dogs that got together and travelled in packs, chasing cattle, would be dealt with severely (read, "shot"). They tried to train the dogs to herd cattle - some would go to the pasture at milking time and bring the cows to the barn for milking. It could well have been that the Grandfather felt a deep sense of love for the young lads. I thought that the Grandfather's act was a bit severe - but he had a reason that was logical to him, and his reply to the boys likely would have been, "Get over it!". As several have said, life was hard for such people and there was little margin for soft-heartedness. Would you be willing to have soft-heartedness and hunger co-exist? Quite likely the Grandfather was marksman enough that he could have shot the dirt beside the dog to have been thrown up and both stung and frightened the dog, but he took more direct action, as many did. Life didn't have the nuances for them that it does for many of us. The idea of someone shooting over the heads of kids invading their land was quite foreign to me. I have four barn cats, one of which loves to be scratched and petted - but if I pick her up, she jumps down. Another cat lets me pet him, and enjoys it some, but is a bit reluctant. Drat him, he's a bit of a scairdey cat, but when I pour feed into each of three or four dishes in turn ... he has to be there to eat immediately from all four dishes in turn! A half-grown kitten that I didn't see until it could run pretty well has got to where it'll let me pet it when it's looking for feed, but not at other times. Its mother will follow me around, even quite closely ... but if my hand gets a bit too close ... she draws blood. It is nigh impossible for modern, city-raised people to understand what life was like for such impoverished people who, as several have said, hunted for meat in the woods and fields. I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough with this place to have come to share your question. By extension ... many people who live in other parts of the world look at life very differently than we, and I think that at times it would be well if we were to sit down with them to learn of their ways - and to share our viewpoints. It seems to me quite likely that we would find that we had more in common than appeared at first, as I think we came to realize regarding this situation. When I was a kid, some folks in town had a metal-lined wooden box that looked something like modern fridges and men drove horse-drawn boxy wagons with tons of ice in them down the street, carrying a block into many houses to put into the top compartment. We on the farm pumped cold water by hand from the well in the yard to put into a pan in the basement, where we stored butter, meat and other perishables in bowls floating in the water, changing it as it warmed. Within a few years, they built refrigerators. Within a few years after that, they were building them to last for 40 years ... now they build them to last for 10 years. I've heard that for the world's people to live in the fashion to which we've become accustomed (in about 3 generations) ... we'd need the resources of four planets similar to that on which we live. We are hugely wasteful. We have a lot to learn from those people who lived more simply. And as more jobs are shifting overseas, our descendants are going to be learning them. Several areas of the seas that used to teem with fish are now almost barren - we didn't practise conservation. Our kids and grandkids will suffer the consequences. We still have about the cheapest food in the world ... but one doubts whether that will last much longer. Currently, many thousands of U.S. and Canadian families are about half a dozen paycheques from being on the street ... but we've forgotten how to forage for food, as our forebears did, out of necessity. We are much more brittle, less resourceful and adaptable. Good wishes for a really fine week ahead. ole joyful

Oh, Donna, thank you. This all happened in 2006, and in general hub and I have sunny dispositions. We are enjoying each other. We have a lot to be thankful for - six terrific kids, six little gkids, the cancers are being held at bay, nephew is in remission. I must admit that I sometimes feel sorry for myself. I even get mad at people who think it's all "outlook" but haven't been really tested. But then I get mad at myself for not understanding those people. After all, every life has its ups and downs, and frankly, while mine is extremely complicated now, raising kids, juggling schedules, working, etc., seem like a walk in the park to me now. I feel awful for my poor mother. She is aware of her situation and completely helpless to do anything about it. And except for keeping her company, there is nothing I can do, either. I am grateful to the nursing home staff for the excellent care Mom receives. But her day-to-day boredom and mental anguish is impossible to alleviate. She's been three years in this prison. I am afraid. I worry always about money and health now. I worry that I will end up like my bright, talented mother, or that hub or I will be in great pain without the money to get meds. As two happy people who have never been worryers, this is different. And we don't like it. But we're planting our garden, taking walks, loving each other and our kids. That's a lot, and we are both grateful for it. But it's complicated, hard, the glass is both empty and full, and things are almost completely out of our control. I've come to think that life is a crapshoot. We lived carefully, happily, honestly, consciously, ethically, prudently, etc., and the roof caved in. C'est la vie. Thank you. Sherry

Yes, I realize interest rates are in the toilet. But as far as I know, faucets have always earned exactly 0.0% interest. Bank rates always have the potential to rise. All that's beside the point anyway. When your budget is small and shrinking, it's perhaps less important to worry about getting something that's heirloom quality than it is to get something serviceable and proportionately less money. I'm not saying that you should go out and buy the cheapest things you can find, but even decent quality midline appliances, sinks, fixtures, lights, etc. will cost substantially less than a lot of brands that get mentioned a lot on the KF. Most people won't stay in their homes long enough for even those less expensive items to go bad, so it probably won't be worth it for them to splurge on an $800 faucet or $2000 sink or $8000 fridge or whatever. I'm not saying you shouldn't get top-of-the-line if you can afford it or that you should treat everything as if it's disposable, just that it's reasonable to spend less even if the longevity of the product is less. At this time in our lives (we're in our mid-twenties with a baby and another on the way, living in a whole-house renovation), it's more important to spend less money now on things that are relatively easy to replace later. We are willing to invest more money upfront in things of greater permanence (structure, systems, floors). Priorities will vary greatly from one person's renovation to the next, but it sounds like the OP is needing to save on costs now rather than later.