A sign in a shoe repair store: "We will heel you. We will save your sole. We will even dye for you!" At an Eye Clinic: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up." In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises."

Three surgeons were discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon said, "Electricians are the best. Everything inside them is color coded." The second surgeon said *No, I think librarians are. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order. The third surgeon shut them both up when he said, "You're both wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the a$$ are interchangeable."

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Male patient said, "Doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the cond*m never broke. How is it possible?" The doctor replied, "Let me tell you a story. There once was a hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took his umbrella instead of his gun when he went out. A lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the lion, the hunter used the umbrella like a gun, shot the lion and it died!" Male patient said, "Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the lion. The doctor replied, "Good! You understood the story. Next patient, please."