Why don't leprechauns like to run?? They'd rather jig than jog.

What’s the difference between a happy dog and a marine biologist? One is a tail wagger and the other is a whale tagger!

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had....Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.. A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?' Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??' Rusty

During class one day, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question: "Joe, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Joe said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee." The teacher responded, "That would be rude and impolite." "What about you, Mark? How would you say it?" Mark said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better," said the teacher, "but it's still not very nice to say the word 'bathroom' at the dinner table." "And you, Little Johnny... can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny said, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner." The teacher fainted.