I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought two large bottles of wine and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottles would break. So I drank all the wine before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.🙃🙃

I once got the hosta 'Nantucket' delivered to me in a bucket. Forgotten, in time it then turned to slime and all I could do was say, “chuck it”. tj

OK, I can't get the meme to post, so here it is: A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the Priest asks it to leave, The boson says, "But without me, how can you have mass?"

In case the sign on the back of the store employee is too blurry to read, it says, "The canned pumpkin is in aisle 5 under the Jello."