Listen my 75 year our aunt from FL visited my husband and I in MA and asked us to allow her to take us out to dinner...She is Italian and we drove two towns over so she wouldn't be disappointed. We expected a beautiful Italian meal...instead what we got was pathetic...the service was poor, the food was poor and I had lasagne that tasted like it had been made ahead of time, sauce poured over it and heated in the mircowave...when we decided we had had enough and didn't want to finish, we asked the waiter to cork the wine and he brought out bill, my 75 year old aunt ask for the manager ..we had discussed at the table how awful the food was and how awful the service was but we were shocked that this little old lady stook up to this manager... . she told him just what she thought of his food, the service and the how embarrassed she was that she had expected to give her nephew and niece a beautiful a beautiful meal.. .He said, we had a large party in the party room and the kitchen and wait staff was overwhelmed...and I asked if that meant regular customers shouldn't have been warned at the front door that the food and service would be bad and he said, I tell you what, we will cover the cost of you bottle of wine tonight and hope that you will come back next week or next month and let us show you what a real meal here is like... My Aunt stood up and said, Thank you very much but it was this meal that we couldn't eat and that I want you to take care of not the bottle of wine...we just spent over $100 dollars for food that was barely edible and cold and I do not want to be charged for it.... I want you to take this bill and tear it up....The manager took the bill and tore it up... Now was she being pushy, nervy, probably you would consider that she was...but she is also a mild mannered little old Lady and she didn't go in there and expect to fight for a dinner...she never raised her voice or refused to pay...and she damned sure wasn't begging for a free meal....she just asked for what was right...and she got it..

I don't think you can go wrong living by the slogan: "Prepare for the worst but hope for the best." GIven background and the difficult nature of these relationships in general, I wouldn't think you're wrong, overly negative, mean or judgemental to do as you have, which is to open yourself to the possibility of an improved relation with her while making mental notes about things that strike you as odd or mildly upsetting (i.e. her not chipping in). Given the situation, you'd be naive to go in with rose-colored glasses. On the other hand, you don't want to find yourself scrutinizing every little thing and wondering too much whether you should take offense. That'll just drive you nuts. Maybe just write down your thoughts as they occur (so you can remember/make sense of upset feelings later if situation devolves, i.e. she continues being consistenty more of a taker than a giver) but then close the notebook and put it in a drawer until you need it again. I'm a believer in remembering and even documenting slights for my own memory (even when people say "just forget it entirely") b/c later on if problems escalate and you haven't clarified the issues you can wind up feeling very crazy and even dis-believed by others. "Gaslighted", unsure if you can even believe yourself or trust your own memory. But once these things are written down, you know you've remembered them/put them somewhere for safe keeping, so it can be easier to let them go and put them out of your mind day-to-day. That can give you more of a sense of freedom and fearlessness remaining open to the idea of positive improvement with her. This trick has helped me in my own life, not solved all the problems or taken away all my anger, but it's helped me feel more clear, calm and confident facing the huge uncertainty and unpredictable hornet's nest that is the situation between me, my Dad and his wife at this intense & volatile time... where all three of us feel somewhat obligated to "play nice" even as all our deepest parent/child/step issues come up.

hi Denita, she made it on our behalf. Yesterday, she indicated it was put in the mail. Our next step is to do exactly as you said. We might ask for claim no and contact ins. Company directly. ETA sorry if there is confusion re he or she. Our initial lawyer is a he, when the trouble begsn he passed it down to another gal in his firm. we have never spoke or heard from him again. To think he wants us to review our wills etc. with him! Not!

"Cattle car waits "   How odd.  A Canadian friend and I were visiting Sydney a while back. My friend became ill on a Friday night. I was able to get on line and book an appointment with her at a local clinic near our hotel for the following morning. No line up at all.  And I don't know Sydney particularly well.And it was a busy family clinic in the center of the city. There are clinics which only "bulk bill" (ie charge Medicare rates) and there are clinics which charge higher fees(except to people who are on government pensions or disability).  Medicare pays the base fee and the individual pays the "gap."   Many people, with or without insurance, are quite happy to pay the gap fee and get quick service. The gap fee runs around $30 - $60 for a GP visit depending on the length of the visit. Bulk billing, walk in clinics in major cities may well have line ups (I daresay there are similar lineups in inner city New York or Philadelphia), but the clinics I've used, in 3 states and 4 cities, operate  by appointment, even the ones that do bulk bill.    This notion of cattle car service is about as accurate as the notion that every American has full insurance coverage and immediate access to top flight health care.  And in fact, in the studies I've cited in the past, while countries like Australia and Canada do have waiting lists for public health care, access in general is still better than in the US. I am about done with Elmer and his"Australian friends". I didn't intend this to become another personal debate coloured by inaccuracy and animus. I raised the subject of the bowel screening program as an example of what I think is an effective public health measure that extends screening for colorectal cancer to a broader range of people.  Nothing more. I don't dispute that colonoscopies are the gold standard, but they are simply not accessible to everyone for a whole lot of reasons. Not here, not in the US. Bowel screening is much more accessible and picks up a significant number of cases, often early enough for treatment.  Never forget that the pursuit of excellence is often the enemy of the good.  That adage applies here.