I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought two large bottles of wine and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottles would break. So I drank all the wine before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.🙃🙃

Nine Important Facts to Remember As We Grow Older #9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world. #8 Life is sexually transmitted. #7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. #6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich. #5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years. #4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing. #3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. #2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal. #1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow. Sources:

In case the sign on the back of the store employee is too blurry to read, it says, "The canned pumpkin is in aisle 5 under the Jello."

Rusty