I am listening to children screaming...........
2 years ago
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If I see one more #, I am going to scream
Comments (21)I opened a Facebook account right before I went to Oxford in 2009. I wanted a way to upload photos to something other thn photobucket (which i just hate to use, hadnt found smugmug yet) and be able to communicate with my immediate family. I started getting friend requests from people I knew and accepted them--- and soon I had about 75 people looking at my photos, remarking, innundating me with absurd and often untrue details about their personal life. Well.... Lets just say there are very few people I want to know that well, and I defriended all but the original seven. I haven't put anything on it (status changes) except pictures of trips because it is easier for a few of them to view them on fb than another site. Mainly because fb comes to them--- extraordinarily passive way of living ones life, among other things. I see many older people who use fb to try to project a public life that is painfully at odds with what is actually happening. I see younger people who can't go out and have a good time unless they have pictures on Facebook to prove they did. There's a tremendous amount of over sharing, it's sort of like a conversation between two people who are not listening to the other because they're so busy planning what to say next. I don't think that fb is evil, or necessarily stupid, but it can rob you of any vestige of privacy, a commodity that, once lost is difficult to reestablish. Several years ago our family went to Miami beach for Thanksgiving and unbeknownst to me I was logged into fb. It announced what hotel I was staying at, and I got comments from people about their experiences at it ! This was during a time when they changed the terms of their agreement with account holders and required an active opt out. Even with that there were problems, and after a hue and cry they expanded personal control of the accounts. I think twitter is a complete waste of time and an incredible conceit that anyone would actually think his/her tweets are worth "following." I turned 57 a few days ago and somewhere along the line seem to have become a curmudgeon!...See Morei want to scream
Comments (15)It should be written into the vows... "FDH, will you promise to love and support your wife when the person YOU chose to make children with, does everything she can to make your new wife miserable?" My DD19 told me the other night, "the problems with BM started as soon as he (DH) moved in here." Well, my DD was 15 and figured that out. She has also been a victim of BM's craziness! The first complaint BM ever made was directed at the music my DD listened to... specifically? Green Day! A few month later, BM gave SD a Green Day poster for her Birthday. I guess it's okay for BM to let her listen to it, but she wants my DD to turn off her music when SD is around her? Since then, SD has been heard singing a song called "sexy can I?" and "lollipop" and a few others.... Rap songs that she says her mom put on her mp3 player. Wow, how her mom's standards have changed???? no, it's just a double standard! It's been very liberating to finally not give a crap what BM thinks. I have had to accept that she is not going to change. I am never going to be 'friendly' with her because I cannot trust her. I am cordial when I see her but I cannot pretend to care enough to ask her "how are you?" because, truly.... I could care less and she'll probably lie anyways. I smile and utter a friendly "hi" or "bye" and that's the best I can do. Of course, it offends her and pisses her off, but that's not my problem. It wouldn't matter what I do, she is going to be offended or pissed off because she doesn't want to get along with me. After going through this for a couple of years... being expected to do things for her daughter but being angry if I don't complain about it or if her daughter doesn't complain. One of the things she wrote in her court papers is how much her daughter complains about me and does not like me.... but I have saved every letter and note that her daughter has written me over the last two years... saying "I love you"... It's truly sad that a kid has to lie to a parent, because I believe SD tells her we don't get along at all because that's what her mom wants to hear. and the times we have not gotten along are because that's what SD knows her mom wants.... SAD! As a mom, I want my kids to be happy, no matter where they are, no matter who they are with. Would I feel jealous? Maybe but I sure the hell would not show it or tell them about it so they would feel obligated to be miserable outside my presence or guilty for having fun. How can a mom who says they love their kids, do that to their kids? I will never get it. (and the only way I have been able to disengage from BM is to accept that she does not view parenting her daughter the way I do and that nothing I do or say is going to change her or make her care about what I care about... and realizing that my way is 'my way' and not necessarily the right way...)...See MoreI am a stepmom to two children from two different marriages
Comments (16)I think SM. AS to anyone who says that they treat SKids the same as children, I have real doubts about that. As I have said before a person can not even the notice the difference in his/her own facial expression, tone of voice, etc. The child might. OP doesnt have her own children. So many variables here. I can accept that OP is tryng to be good and helpful, maybe a parenting coach could help. And when a parent focuses on trying to get control, rather than trying to help a child develope self-control (yes, even for a 3 yr old), I think that is the harbinger of greater problems....See MoreDo I listen to everyone else....or follow my heart?
Comments (43)That's such a hard question to answer. Of course, you are the person who will use the kitchen most and you are the person who has the vision. But you want your family to enjoy it too. You just have to balance that out in your own mind. ....which, of course, is not an answer. Maddening, I know. Are they understanding your vision and rejecting it? Or are they not seeing it in their mind's eye and rejecting what they think it will be? Have you shown them the pictures that sold you on the idea? I had one of those esoteric visions in my head for my kitchen. It's small and narrow and I wanted two different colors -- one on one side and one on the other. And I wanted a different color for the breakfast area and pantry. Every single person to whom I described it said, "Isn't 3 colors too much?". Without exception. The cabinet maker had to do 5 sets of drawings to get it all right and then still was only willing to do one color and door option at a time. My GC confessed to me when it was all over that he thought I was nuts and creating a disaster until he saw it come together. Now that it's done, everyone really likes it. My family is crazy about it. They just couldn't see it when I described it. OTOH, even though my husband was supportive all along and said it was my choice, if it hadn't worked, I would have been miserable knowing I was the only one who wanted it that way. Take pictures of your layout and use tracing paper to draw your modifications. Go get several large-size copies made. Color them in so everyone has a clear idea what you're talking about, what they want, what compromises are possible. It just comes down to the painful process of decisions and consequence. The more concrete you can make abstract ideas now, the more the consequences will be wonderful and comfortable for all. Good luck!...See More- 2 years agolast modified: 2 years ago
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