Nana, I got on last night with the intention of reading all the posts and commenting....of course when I saw the word "purple", that was the first one I read being me. When I went to comment I just started falling apart and realized I couldn't act 'normal' afterall. I'd finished writing my Dad's obituary and picking a photo for it a few hours earlier, so that's probably why I was a mess. tho I seem to be staying that most of the time. I'm clearing things from Dad's room, except things special to me, because I 'have' to. I need to see that room in a different way as soon oas I can. It hurts too much otherwise. The hospital bed has to go back to the VA, so I hope to find some different furniture for that room in the future. The gigantic old dresser needs to go, but Zorro can keep the easy chair. He claimed that years ago. ;o) Basically I'm just donating Dad's clothes and going thru loads of paperwork. He saved every scrap of paper and trying to sort the necessary from the useless has been a challenge. After Mom died 10 yrs ago, and he moved in with me, he really kept very little. "Stuff" was her thing, not his. He stopped driving when she died too, their car was totaled in the wreck and he didn't want another one. So Dad's belongings are very few, except his clothes and a lot of framed family photos. I'm so glad I don't have a lot to go thru again, like when we lost her. this is the photo I chose for his obituary, its how I'll always remember him with his wonderful smile, ready to tell someone a joke. hugs, Karen

Thank you lovehadley. I have tried. I have put my heart and soul into my step kids. By my very nature I care for all kids. That is why I went into the profession I did and spent 3 years working with kids with emotional problems..mostly kids in the foster care system, but some were not. I didn't do it for very long, because there came a time when there was no line between work and home. I would have to deal with kids issues at work, and then come home to the same thing. Most of my "anger" & "frustration" is my very own defense mechanism, because I have been hurt by the things my sd says and does. When you see it, hear it, and live with it day in and out, it wears you down. You weaken, and it is hard to be solid for them. You can know the whys and hows of a situation or behavior, but it doesn't matter when you are pushed away constantly, over and over again. Plus it isn't the first time. This was also the case with her brother as well. I think we went to stress mode earlier with her because we instinctively knew what it was going to be like. Her dad and I both would love to go to counseling for ourselves, but we simply can not afford it. Not with her going to therapy twice a month. She needs it more than we do. She was going every week, but we had to go every other week because of cost. Her mom doesn't help pay for anything. So my dh and I just try to keep communication real open between us. We have our moments, but we work through them. It has been difficult just to try to keep our family together. The stress that both of my step children cause is tremendous. I am not blaming them either, it is just the way that the situations are. With my ss on his way to fatherhood with no job, no place to live with a new family, possibly stealing from us, and not speaking to his dad, it is a stress. With my sd constantly in some sort of mood, and wanting attention and not knowing the proper way to achieve good attention, being mean to her little sister and brother, and not working in therapy....it is stress. We have our six year old who will be going into the first grade, and she is our drama queen. She wants the tips of her hair dyed to look like her friends, she wants a cell phone for her 7th birthday, she wants to stay up till midnight, and the list goes on. Our now 2 year old can open our doors, locks and all, so we have to be on constant alert, he climbs on everytthing and falls off too, so he is full of bumps and bruises, he won't leave his big sis alone (6 year old), he hates taking naps, he doesn't like to go to bed, he always wants to be outdoors even if its raining, the list goes on. My point is, that whether we have my sd's issues or not, we have other children in the house who are growing up as well and they too need our attention, and when my sd is acting out, demanding our attention, it takes away from the family as a whole. She has to learn how to get the right kind of attention, she has to learn how to maintain the relationships in her life, and how to be a part of the family, and on and on. I did not include any issues from my oldest son. Not because he is "perfect", but because he has a very special ability to see the stress that we are under, and he keeps things real simple. His minimal requirements are that mom feed him and help him keep his clothes clean, and have a bit of conversation with his silly questions each day (like..."If I used my cell phone in another country, and dialed my own phone number would someone else answer?" lol) and he is pretty much a happy camper. I try to spend some alone time with him (like when we go for our walks), so he can see I am okay. Because he is moving into a mode lately of worrying about mom a little too much. Yesterday I didn't feel well, and he brought me a cup of ice water, ibuprofen, and some vitamin C. He is a good boy. I am blessed to have him. I have to pick him up soon, as he spent the night with a friend. So sorry for the rambling post. But I feel like I have to over explain everything here, because some people just don't want to accept that I have skids who are truly in need of professional help, and that I am not the reason behind my sd's behavior.

Jasdip, I'm sniffling now, and I'm so happy to finally "see" you, somehow you look just like I imagined you would look! Have fun on that ride, and I know Tom will be there in spirit. I remember how important it was for him, it's a very good cause. Oh, and the food sounds really good too. (grin) I'll be thinking about you both on June 1, and look forward to hearing all about it. Annie

Thank you for sharing Jasdip! I'm so happy to hear you not only were offered a seat, but did it, in memory of Tom. What a wonderful way to celebrate him, and your shared joys together, to raise awareness, and to raise money for such important research. I love those adorable helmets, too : ) Look at all those bikes, and all those smiling faces... especially yours. So good to see!