Deedles, we put plain oak in our utility room. I'm not against plain oak cabinets at all, but they can be overpowering if there are a lot of cabinets. The stain the cabinet maker used on these is SW chestnut, and it looks more red in person. No underlying yellow at all. if you don't want the oak to absorb too much stain, thus reducing the visible graining, you first need to "fill" the grain. That can be done with a light coat of varnish or shellac or diluted solvent. Or even using gel stain. Your cabinetmaker is the best person to ask about this.

I think the biggest reasons you don't find many example kitchens with QS white oak or rift sawn white oak, are 1) very few cabinet companies offer it, not that many even offer white oak at all. 2) Since its not generally available, most people don't even know that it is an option. I think it can be quite beautiful. I went with quarter-sawn red oak ordered from Scherr's custom cabinets. I'm pretty sure that they also make cabinets from white oak. (I believe they also charge more for white oak.) Here are some pics of my red oak quarter sawn cabinets.

@eliseharrison The caption in your first says something about being treated with "oil," which is another option for finishing, using Waterlox or another tung-oil based treatment rather than lacquer. An oil treatment that has tung oil as its base like Waterlox won't yellow as much as an oil treatment that has linseed oil as a primary ingredient. These oil finishes have to be re-applied and maintained, but I've done a fair amount of research on them, and Waterlox original finish is what we're planning to do in our kitchen on cherry cabinetry. A few cabinet companies use oil finishes like Waterlox exclusively. It creates a very natural surface, but the ambering and yellowing will still occur over time to an extent even with this method. If you wanted to go with a whitewashed finish, then yes, that might work for you to get the color you want, but it won't look natural. It obscures the depth and sheen of the natural wood if it is done sufficiently to alter the color permanently to obscure the natural ambering of the wood. Some people really like this method and have used it to get the light neutral color they want without going for a total painted finish. Just be sure to view samples in person so you're sure you like it. There is a type of white oak harvested in Europe that has a low tannin content and ages to a neutral, silvery tone, but it is expensive and difficult to obtain in the United States in quantities large enough for cabinetry work. If the budget is generous, you could look into that option with a water-based, non-yellowing lacquer finish to get a natural white wood look.

can you show us what you've tried so far? Since the veneer is so much lighter than the rails, you're doing to have to use a darker choice on the panels. without experimenting w/some stain colors, going to be hard to advise you. see if you can stain the veneer to be the same color as the rails, and then use the rubio. try a Driftwood or weathered gray type of stain and see if you get close. you may have to mix the driftwood w/a brown tone that matches your natural oak maybe something like #5 or 3? these are bona Dri fast stains Clockwise from top left: 1) white, 2) driftwood, 3) Bona Traffic w/o sealer, 4) BonaSeal w/o stain, 5) 25% white and 75% birch, 6) birch, and 7) sand dune