I wish I could share :-) I am packing around an extra 20 pounds (or more) that I'd be happy to donate. If only it were that easy!

When my mom got older, she developed digestive problems that made it difficult for her to maintain her weight. Her doctor suggested she supplement with Ensure. Ensure Plus is designed to "help patients gain or maintain healthy weight. It can benefit patients who have malnutrition, are at nutritional risk, or are experiencing involuntary weight loss." (per the product description)

My mother had Ensure Plus. and there is Magic Cup, an ice-cream like supplement with added calories and protein.

Jane, be strong! Having strarchy food with meat for dinner can help you gain weight fast. At least that was for me. Eating anything starchy before sleep can also lead you to weight gain.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/expert-answers/underweight/faq-20058429

I found this. I am sorry you are struggling. I cannot imagine your grief. Please take care of yourself.

I had a friend in university with a similar problem, albeit for a different reason. What worked for her was drinking an Ensure-like drink with every meal That gave her extra calories, but also good nutrients. She drank 3 a day, in addition to her regular 3 meals a day.

Jane, I would buy the Ensure for my mother at her doctors suggestion, and he also said three a day. Not a meal replacement but supplement.

I don't like the taste of Ensure very much, but I can drink Boost Plus (the Plus is their product with additional calorie content) - and do. Whole milk. Full fat chocolate milk. I make sauces to go with many entrees, keep veal demi glace here and fashion gravies from it. I cook in butter. I'm still not interested in large servings of anything, so I try to make what I do eat count. I don't buy low or no fat products at all. Milk shakes of a good quality ice cream will work for me. I've asked the baristas at Starbucks what they could make that isn't overly sweet but loaded with calories rather than caffeine and a vanilla bean frappuccino works ;)

I have no high blood pressure or cholesterol issues so I hold back on nothing. I do take a multi vitamin now to make up for a not always balanced meal and I've always taken Vit D.

DH has had to do his part and modify his portions, begin drinking his coffee black no cream and he's doing fine, not gaining. The cooking is about me these days.

I'm still a little short of my goal but I'm managed to put back 10#s. I think I look a little better and I do feel better. It was my fault, a death in the family and same time family illness and I just wasn't paying attention - and wasn't hungry. I shouldn't even admit to you how I dressed for an annual check in with my doctor. I was wearing about half of what I own and still filled my pockets with change - so she wouldn't know exactly how much I'd lost ;) I wasn't sick, I was inattentive and distracted.

Don't set your expectations too high. The weight comes back slowly. I weigh somewhat infrequently so I won't be faced with too many disappointments. Even 2 pounds a month is progress!

With all the focus on weight loss in our world, finding information (or sympathy) on gaining is really hard. I understand, I'm walking your same walk. But you can do this - please don't expect it to happen overnight but you can do it. (((hugs)))

I'm so sorry you are suffering.

Weight gain/loss is the same formula. If you eat 200 more calories a day than you are now, in a year you will be 20 lbs heavier. It doesn't take much to find 200 extra calories.

For example, if you add a snack once a day of a slice of whole wheat bread with 1 Tbs peanut butter and 1 tsp or so of jam, you are there.

Or a snack of a bit more than one ounce of nuts.

Look for ways to add healthy oil/fats to your diet as they have the highest concentration of calories per gram...more than twice that of carbs or protein.

My husband takes a spoonful of high-lignan flax seed oil every day, which is 120 calories. He takes it like medicine out of a spoon. You need to stir it and keep it refrigerated, but the benefit is it provides a boatload of omega-3s which are essential to good health. He finds it helps with his arthritis and joints. (I get mine by eating walnuts and adding ground flax meal to my breakfast or lunch.)

You didn't ask, but I will mention that my cousin went through a depressive period in which she lost weight...food didn't taste good to her either. She went for therapy and is much better now, her weight stabilized and she enjoys food again. If you haven't you might look into grief counseling, groups for widows and widowers, or other kind of therapy (she did EMDR) to help cope with your loss, of which your weight loss is a symptom.

Jane, if I remember correctly, you're a "city gal"? Can you get out of the house every day for at least one meal or equivalent? I'm wondering if maybe being around people while you eat or drink would be helpful. Such as eating a fast food meal in the restaurant, especially if it caters to kids. Or buying a smoothie (there are all sorts of Smoothie Kings etc around here so I assume they are everywhere) and sitting where you can 'people watch.' Even buying one of those calorie-laden frou-frou coffee drinks in a Starbucks and sitting there for a while.

I've no idea if that is helpful at all, but know that we do wish the best for you.

I'm sorry that you are feeling that down. I too have some extra poundage I would happily share.

In all seriousness though, I was remembering that my mom was using ensure and boost (hers was for diabetic) in addition to meals. I would strongly suggest checking with your physician as we don't know if you have any other health concerns or dietary needs, just to make sure what you are going to do would be appropriate.

Also, there are many grief support groups that I see mentioned pretty frequently ( on local FB pages for example) and I would suggest reaching out to one if that seems like something you could do?

Hoping to hear back from you that baby steps are working and you are feeling a bit more back to yourself.

I am glad you are trying to get back on track. You have been through an emotional ordeal so it’s totally understandable.

Now, you are ready for self care.

I would plan my meals and snacks. “ An increase of 500 to 1000 calories each day will promote one to two pounds per week.”

I would start with 2000 calories per day. Since maintenance can be 1600 for women.I would include 3 snacks a day. If possible the last snack can be in the middle of the evening so those calories will stick. Just opposite of trying to loose weight.

I would get recipes for shakes you can make yourself in a blender. Or treat yourself to a healthy organic one at of those stores.

Keep us posted.

Make sure you are excercising during this to help improve muscle tone. It don't help much to put on pounds of fat if your muscle structure can't handle it. You don't need to be all weight lifter pack on muscle mass, you aren't trying to burn calories with high pace excercise, but you should try to make sure your muscles are toned. Like taking walks outdoors can be excercise and mentally healthy. Low resistance and gentle exercises help with muscle tone and flexibility as well as being helpful to bone health.

" Weight gain/loss is the same formula. If you eat 200 more calories a day than you are now, in a year you will be 20 lbs heavier. It doesn't take much to find 200 extra calories "

Just so you know, that formula is baloney - or, at least, not useful for people. It presumes NOTHING else changes (diet, exercise, stress levels, illness, hormonal changes etc), which is very unlikely. The thermodynamics (calories in vs. calories out) is correct, but that would require a steady state, and human beings aren't unchanging. Also, it doesn't address how different foods affect a person's basal metabolic rate (which is why a diet high in some foods make people feel draggy, and other foods make them feel energetic), and the basal metabolic rate affects how many calories are burned just in existing.

My husband likes this and he hates spinach. (I have no real measurements)

Blender Smoothie

Add the following to blender jar:

Whole milk 1/4cup? (can use your favorite non -dairy milk)

1/4 banana

2 handfulls baby spinach

Frozen Blueberries 10-12

Frozen Strawberries 3-4 can omit and just increase blueberries.

2-3 tablespoons local honey

Small amount of peanut butter if you like it

Blend on smoothie setting until very well mixed. Add more milk if needed

He likes peanut butter, but we usually leave out. It is very good for all the trace minerals and b vitamins that he needsm since he does not eat well. It is also very good.

TV, it's a guideline and will help her target a simple change in diet that will help her accomplish her goal. Yes, there are hormonal changes that can affect metabolic rate, but for the most part, unless you are ill (such at thyroid disease) or going through significant hormonal changes like puberty or menopause, the linkage is largely in tact. Of course if one is substantially changing, eg, their exercise level then that would need to be considered as well. Especially when she has identified her lack of desire to eat, the major factor would be a change in her diet which is what we are addressing.

I have nothing to add to the good advice above. I went through the marital stress diet during my divorce many years ago. As I moved on and created a new and better life for myself, my appetite returned. I gained all the weight back and then some. Wish i could have kept it off although a sudden weight loss like that isnt good.

I feel so bad for you. I have not been through the loss of a spouse ( cuz I dont have one!) but clearly remember the horrible anxiety of an extreme life change.

Try not to isolate yourself, although the temptation to go to bed and pull the covers over your head is tempting. Just eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s every day!

I don't know if this will help, but I will throw it out there. I think Ben and Jerry's ice cream has an extra high fat content so that might offset some of the sugar for you. Potato chips are very addictive and are one of the fast ways to gain weight for people who aren't trying. A lot of cut bread to lose weight. You might try adding it or crackers as snacks and in meals to bring more calories in.

I have found that if I semi freeze those protein shakes so that they have to be eaten with a spoon, they are more enjoyable. I hate the taste of Ensure but there are plenty of others to to choose from. You could even add some fresh berries to those shakes to kick it up a little.

I am so sorry for your loss, Jane. I hope that each passing day brings a little more light into your life.

jane__ny, I feel you! I went through something extremely stressful near the end of 2021. I couldn't eat or sleep and became dangerously underweight. Ensure helped some. (I like the vanilla and drink it room temperature with a straw. I find the straw helps me to suck it down in fast when I really don't want anything in my mouth.) I buy it by the case from Amazon.

People advised me to just go to a diner and order something, but I couldn't even begin to look at a menu. The phone app Too Good to Go was literally a lifesaver. It features restaurants and bakeries that need to clear out food and don't want it to go to waste. You buy a "surprise package" of food for anywhere from 4 to 7 dollars and you have to pick it up within a certain time frame. It got me up and around and put food in front of me without my having to think.

Sometimes I watched Youtube, which distracted me from the act of eating and allowed me to eat mindlessly without noticing every bite.

When available, eating with an understanding and patient friend was a huge help. If you are in NYC, feel free to message me and maybe we can meet and eat.

Jane, I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not easy to eat when you're not hungry or don't feel like it.

My first question is how much exercise you're getting? Exercise can help you twofold: First, a study that was just reported showed exercise to be 1.5 times more effective for depression than medication and therapy. Second, exercise will make your body want food. Easier to "overeat" a bit when you start hungry, than when you didn't want to eat in the first place. (edit to add a third: It can help you gain proportional fat/muscle weight, not just fat.)

I also had the thought to peruse weight LOSS sites for tips on where to avoid extra calories. Use them in reverse, to add back calories. Or course you will want to be careful what you're adding back, you don't want it all to be saturated fats and sugars, but it might be a start.

Good luck!

Ice cream and protein shakes. The protein powder meant for vegans is full of nutrients and helps you gain weight fast, and ice cream, well, ice cream is delicious.

I have started (after a lapse) making my own smoothies with fruits (organic, blueberries, a little orange juice, banana, strawberries, canned crushed pineapple canned pumpkin any combination of those-never all of them at once) and a cup or so of spinach. Sometimes I add whole milk yogurt . If it is too thick, add ice cubes or more juice depending on how it tastes to you. It makes for a yummy breakfast with peanut butter on whole wheat toast. I make a fulll blender's worth and also drink some throughout the day or for the next day. If you eat an apple, slice it and slather peanut butter on each slice. All this in addition to regular meals should help some. It will also provide you with protein as well as vitamins and minerals. One treat for me that isn't so healthy, but that I enjoy is ice cream in the evening while I watch tv.

I think Ensure is pretty high in sugars and carbs, so I am not sold on it even though lots of doctors recommend it. Maybe consult a dietician if that is possible.

Best of luck to you. So much can be thrown off when we are grieving. If you feel like it, let us know how you are doing.

Only want to add use more fats in your diet - full fat dairy, butter and olive oil in cooking, cheeses, nuts, ice cream, etc...

"I was hoping there was a meal replacement shake which is healthy." Not with boost, Ensure with Isosource being the least unhealthy. Main ingredients are highly processed simple carbohydrates (glucose, corn syrup, corn maltodextrin, ect).

I feed an individual through a G feeding tube and know these products well along with their pros and cons involved from working with the individual's many doctors and nutritionists, and seeing the effects they have on the individual's body. They all have the essential vitamins and minerals but only a few have any fiber and all will do the job providing calories and protein, but far from healthy.

Exercise is essential but without the protein to rebuild the muscle mass there will be little benefit and force the body to convert even more protein from muscle mass to fuel body cells. The brain has priority and when protein and calorie intake is low the body will actually cannibalize the muscle mass including the heart and there lies the deadly issue exercising a heart without adequate calories and protein intake, your heart will fail. You need to focus on protein intake just as much as calories. You'll need at least 60 grams of protein (as an example, and the actual amount s/b determined by a professional) per day and every day,and then take baby steps into an exercise program.

Can you get outside and walk daily? It may help with your appetite. Yes, most people try to use Ensure or Boost to maintain weight if they're unable to eat otherwise. Not everyone loves the taste but you could try several of the flavors. I’m so sorry about your depression due to grief, and hope you have helpful support. I’m glad you posted and am sure others will chime in with good suggestions.

Eta i saw only one response when i posted—silly phone.

So sorry you are going through this, my heart aches for you...

add healthy carbs to your protein of choice at your meals...... eat 3 meals a day, healthy snacks/carbs in between. eat 1/2 bowl of healthy cereal with almond or reg. milk as a snack.... at night, sprouted pretzels or reg. pretzels.

i had to gain once a few years ago and my Dr. said use whole milk with cereal etc... it worked within about 6 weeks for me, i needed to gain about 5-7lbs...

lots of good advice here.

whatever u do, do it slowly. and yes add some walking as well. best of luck

I cannot say exactly when I lost the weight. Either during my husband's stay in the nursing home although I remember stepping on the scales and I had neither lost or gained. Or in the two years after his death but 40 pounds were no longer there. Losing that much that rapidly or actually any amount of weight other than a few pounds does make you look older. Your facial skin develops what have been called "skinkles" as the skin is no longer able to recover. If like me you looked younger than your calendar age when you now look in the mirror you see someone who does not look like you but an old woman. It can improve a little with time and the shinkles can return to being well earn wrinkles. Something that has apparently helped this pas season to reduce some is a combination of rubbing the facial skin to encourage more circulation and L'Oreal Revitalift night moisturizer. Applied then skin rubbed. I think it reaches the inside of the skin folds. The skin on my upper stomach is just now no longer sagging and he has been gone four years now.

A suggestion for gaining weight is to eat multiple small meals, think of it as snacks, both of healthy foods and those that some on here are so against. Start doing some light walking if you can to increase your energy. It will also increase your muscle mass which in turn increases what you weigh and perhaps your appetite.

Depending on any medication you take and you may want to ask your doctor but one of our Y friends was losing weight and she did not want to eat. Her doctor suggested that she try drinking 2 ounces of red wine about 30 minutes to an hour before her dinner at night. This is similar to the old medicinal tonics that used to be recommended for the elderly. She had never drank so it was brought up asking for suggestions of type because she did not like what she had purchased. When she had to give up her house and move to a nursing home both her regular doctor and the nursing home doctor wrote in her chart for medicinal purposes that she was to drink her two ounces each night. Last time I saw her at our last lunch before Covid struck she looked healthier and happier than she had for years. She also mentioned she was still having those 2 ounces of red wine.

I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough time, but it is totally understandable given your situation. My Dad, who was much older than you, lost his appetite and got dangerously thin. We would mix Ensure or Boost with ice cream for a milk shake, he found it much more palatable that way. We also encouraged him to eat whatever he wanted; potato chips and dip for lunch? Just fine. Calories in was the goal and we would work on nutrition later. So we brought him whatever he craved. Some days it was home made soup or chicken and dumplings, other days is was pizza or hamburgers or fried chicken. Concentrate on eating whatever tickles your fancy right now - nothing wrong with a box of chocolates and a glass of wine for dinner - it's all calories. Once .you get back to feeling good, you can start to encorporate "good stuff" back into your diet.

First of all, I'm so pleased to see you starting to take back your life. It's been a rough go!

I'll be 82 this month and am kept alive by monthly infustions to combat multiple myeloma (a blood cancer similar to leukemia). I struggle to keep the scale above the 100 pound mark.

I don't care for any of the weight-gain drinks, although the tip to drink them through a straw is good. My doctors agree with the advice to eat *more often* and whatever appeals. I buy a lot of cookies and snacks, and a local grocer has a 'grind your own' machine for nut butters.

Last week I remembered that I used to take Prilosec to combat nausea and tried that again. Pow! I had more appetite. I'd stopped taking it, thinking I was 'over' the worst of the queezies; evidently not. (I found a stash of the generic prescribed by my primary.)

IDK about you, but some of my pain meds cause constipation, so *bulk* is a good idea, along with Miralax as needed.

I tried a probiotic, but that resulted in bloating and gas.

Hey! Good luck! You surely see you are not alone in this struggle! Let us know how it's going for you.

Want to add that my mom was not eating to the point of winding up in the hospital, and her Dr. prescribed a medication that's used as an antidepressant, but in smaller doses, increases appetite. Not recommending, just offering the info...

Mirtazapine

If you (or anyone else on this thread) are going to make smoothies, you can make them easily with entirely frozen produce, so you don't need to worry about finding it fresh in store all the time. I went through a period of drinking a smoothie every morning, and I used frozen spinach (frozen into those cubes or chunks, so you can use only a few), frozen berries, and I would tray freeze bananas (peel them, freeze them on a tray, then bag them) to use. I found it really hard to keep bananas in the house regularly, so frozen produce was a great solution for me. I made it with water, not milk (I have a dairy allergy), but adding whole milk would add fat and calories for you.

I’ve been thin my whole life. When I get too thin, for example once after surgery, I try to gain weight. I eat six times a day (three meals, plus morning, afternoon and evening snacks) whether I am hungry or not. What really helps me is peanut butter, because it has a lot of calories per spoonful. That makes it easier to get the calories down if I’m not hungry.

Thank you all. I thought I was alone with this problem, as everything is geared toward losing weight. I was afraid to post my problem. I feel so connected to those who have gone through this and understand the struggle, I really felt alone. Those that know me keep saying, 'you got so thin.' I never know how to respond. I know I have, but telling anyone that you really don't like to eat anymore sounds weird. Looking at myself scares me. I don't recognize the person in the mirror. I see myself getting a curvature on my back.

You have all made me feel human, given me hope. Knowing others who succeeded, truly helps and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you!

I am in therapy, but had a bad reaction to antidepressants. I did take Mirtazapine and had a bad reaction. I tried a different one and wound up in the ER for 3 days. It appears that I have a problem with SSRI's and less than 1% of people have the reaction I did. So now, I just take Ambien for sleep and a med for anxiety.

I appreciate all the suggestions. My problem is that I have little appetite and trying to force myself to eat makes me nauseous.

But I did get some good ideas here and plan to try them.

I have a problem with milk or ice cream because I think I am lactose intolerant. I haven't had it tested but always had a problem eating ice cream...which I love. Love shakes, sundaes, etc. but pay the price for them.

Thank you, thank you all so very much.

Jane

Jane,, You can use any non-dairy milk for regular milk. My oldest grandson is very allergic to any dairy and nuts. I like Silk soy for baking and to make the fudge I make at Christmas. I use either Rice Dream or Coconut milk for everything else. My son uses rice or coconut for everything.

If you are not bothered nuts, I have heard that almond milk is very good.

I use to buy Haagen Daz dairy free ice cream for my grandson and it was great.

I use almond milk if I'm making a cheese sauce (because I'm already pushing my allergies enough with the cheese), and I find it actually makes a creamier sauce than when I used cow's milk. Yeah, I paid for that double whammy of dairy, and it turns out almond milk would have been better.

Jane, how kind of you to let us know you are feeling less alone, that's at least a little better!

Another idea: break a single soda cracker into bite-sized pieces. Leave them on your counter. Make it a goal to eat just one bite every hour or so, until the whole cracker is gone. Eat as good a 'regular meal' as you can too -- the cracker is just a 'snack.' Tomorrow, do it again. Maybe doing that will help your body understand that eating doesn't equal nausea.

Thank you Jane for getting back to us. I'm glad it's helping you to know we're here for you, but there's only so much people on a forum can do.

Medications would not be my first choice. Have you tried non-medication therapy? Such as talking with a psychologist (not psychiatrist), CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), or even something like massage therapy (the healing help of physical touch is amazing). I also highly recommend meditation...I took MBSR (Mindfulness based stress reduction) classes and found it to be very helpful in dealing with my grief and other negative emotions. It was a very positive experience. Not all therapists are the same either...it's so important to find one that is compatible with you, your personality and your needs. It can take awhile to find the right one. (My mother went to a therapist on and off over the years, and even at that, she found that the therapist changed and was less helpful for her in later years.)

Also, have you tried going to a nutritionist? They could assess your current eating patterns and help you make good and palatable choices for your situation. I suspect that grazing more rather than discrete meals would be helpful for you. Also, I second drinking more calories as they're easier to take in and not feel as full.

If you like ice cream but can't do dairy, maybe try the tofutti, or opt for fruit popsicles or sorbets. Or you can try the ice cream and take lactose enzyme tablets with it to see if that makes it more digestible for you.

Sending you thoughts of strength and courage...it's not easy.

I discovered goat milk ice cream. Read somewhere that goat milk doesn’t cause the problems that cows milk does. Bought a pint in Whole Foods and it’s incredible. Better, creamier than cows milk. It tastes exactly like high-end cows milk ice cream. But, it costs a small fortune. So I take a spoonful every now and then. Not positive how well it bypasses the cows milk issue as I only take a small spoonful once in a while.
I’ve been looking for a therapist. I really need help finding way back and sorting out my life.
Thank you all❤️

Thinking of you always. come talk or vent whenever needed.

jane__ny -- When I went through my crisis, everyone told me that I needed "support." This was in 2021 and Covid had made it very hard to get into a therapist because everyone was overbooked. (Even the hospital who had a special program told me they had no one available.) I tried a pricey shrink but he was all about prescribing and not helpful. I tried a social worker who did more harm than good. Among other things, I had tremendous anger, which is an emotion I wasn't used to; I'm generally very easy going. Finally, I realized that I didn't need analysis, I needed techniques for dealing with my emotions. I started seeing a hypnotherapist. I began to feel better from the very first session. She did a combination of talk therapy followed by deep relaxation and suggestion. She helped me reframe how I thought about what I'd gone through and even gave me techniques for dealing with stomach pain. Her appointments were by Zoom, which I'd initially doubted, but she turned out to be extremely perceptive, even over a screen. In fact, it was a benefit that I could get therapy in my own home. If you're interested, check out https://www.lubinescence.com

We're here for whenever you need .:)

Thank you all, again.

We moved from NY to Florida 12 yrs ago. We thought it would be a good thing. I had a niece and nephew living here and we felt we had connections. It didn't really work as they have their own life and we saw each other occasionally. Once we bought our house, my husband found groups to join in photography and music which was his love but had little time for when he worked full time in NY. I got involved in a few things but found it hard to meet people. I volunteered, but again the lifestyle in Florida and the people were not NY. It was hard to make friends and my husband found the same thing.

I got shingles in Jan 2021. It was on my scalp and I didn't know what was causing all the itching, etc. Got diagnosed and it was horrible. My hair started falling out on the left side of my head.

Two weeks later, my husband got a UTI and everything went downhill. He found out he had an enlarged prostate but they delayed surgery because Covid was breaking out here.

Long and short, losing him to something that should have been taken care of, everything shut down, no contacts, friends to lean on or to help was so frightening. The hospital kept moving him around to different floors because of Covid patients being admitted. I was only allowed an hour to visit and half the time was spent trying to find him. The whole experience was a nightmare. And then he died.

So, I'm sorry to write all this but I think everyone should think carefully before moving to a place far away from friends and family. It isn't easy to start over building the relationships you've developed in your life.

I never thought about those things. I never thought he would die. Covid, isolation, and losing your best friend. We were married 50 years in March of that year.

The good news is I gained 3 lbs. I thought it would be more but at least I didn't lose. I'm reminding myself to eat and want to thank everyone for so much kind support.

Jane

I'm so sorry. Things that are difficult in normal times were only amplified during the worst of covid. But I'm glad to hear you have gained some weight...a step in the right direction!

Jane, glad to hear you have gained 3lbs! What a good start! I understand what you are saying. If you were in my town, I’d visit you all the time, Are your children all far away? Is it possible to live closer to them? Or to visit them more often? I wish DD and her boyfriend could be back to our area after med school. It’s a blessing to have kids nearby.

you are welcome to 20 of mine!

Jane...I sent you a message.

Oh, Jane, what a time you have had. No wonder you lost weight. Take it slow, the pounds will come back even if it seems to take forever. One question, have you considered moving back to N.Y.? Just thinking it might help ease your sadness to be back where you were more comfortable.

Jane, you have had some challenging times. Glad you are beginnning to look ahead and sorting things out. I recently patted myself on the back for losing 3 LBS and you deserve a hip hip hurray for your gain.