Photos of the space in question would help, since part of my answer would depend on the permanent materials already in place: flooring, countertops, tile, etc. But let me take a stab at this, based on what you have told us so far. 1. In general, light colors, especially cool colors (blues, greens, aquas, lavenders) will make a space look larger, because they appear to 'recede.' White or light gray would work as well. However, if you have dark brown furniture, a pure white will look too stark. You'd probably want something that leans a bit warmer, like Ben Moore OC-117 Simply White or OC-17 White Dove. (assuming again that it works with existing materials) 2. This is totally subjective, and depends partly on how large the home is, and how visible the areas are from a common viewpoint. Too many changes will stop the eye and make a space feel choppy. But an entire white house becomes too bland for most people. Small areas like a powder bath or inside a laundry closet are a fun place to apply some color and break things up. You can also use colorful or patterned drapes in certain areas to add interest. 3. Ceilings can be the same color as the walls, if that color is light enough. If they are very low and light is already limited, keep the ceiling color light or even white. I try to choose a ceiling color that's neutral enough to be used in every room. Choose your wall color first, then you can select a ceiling color accordingly. 4. You CAN mix brown and gray, but would usually need to be either a blue-gray (which Stonington is) or a warmer gray, like BM 856 Silver Satin, or 960 Dove Wing (moving towards greige). You can tie the colors together by bringing in a rug or pillows that combine both hues. As you go forward, don't add any other main furnishings that are dark or brown. You need to introduce contrast with lighter items. Also, decide on an actual color or two that you will use as an accent. Maybe it appears in a lamp, art, small decor items, etc. Otherwise a gray and brown scheme can get dreary.

Your request for help is quite broad and without a lot of specifics. That makes it hard to answer. I'd suggest breaking it down for yourself and for us like this: 1) Before you start choosing finishes, you'll want to solidify your kitchen and likely furniture layout/orientation. You'll get the most help with that if you post a current floor plan of this entire floor drawn to scale with measurements noted on. Your architect might already have a floor plan you can share here, or you could make one with a tape measure and some graph paper. Generally a 1 square = 1 foot or 1 square = 6 inches is a good, usable scale. Please indicate on the plan which sections of which walls are coming down and any other features (good/bad views out certain windows, fireplace, ducting that can't be moved, etc.). Also note anything you'd particularly like to achieve layout-wise (e.g., an island, a view from the island to the TV, etc.). Post that and and people will have enough information to make helpful suggestions. 2) While you're fielding suggestions about your layout, sift through Houzz and Pinterest to find some inspiration pictures you like. Look for rooms that really sing to you and have the kind of appearance or feel you really enjoy in a home and want to achieve here. Once you have found, say, six or more pictures like that, post all of them together on here and ask people to help you review the images and figure out what the commonalities between the pictures are. This will help you identify what specific things you really respond to so you can include those deliberately in your new spaces. 3) After you can articulate what it is your really like and want to bring to this space, THEN repost this question about colors choices and finishes with that information. Provide your final floor plan (the result of #1), explain what specific finishes you like or what you're specifically trying to achieve through finishes (the result of #2), and then ask us how we'd achieve those stylistic preferences in this space that you have planned. You'll get MUCH more targeted, helpful help. Only then will people understand your taste and the space that we've got to work with. THEN they can say helpful things like, "You might like X paint on Y surface with Q backsplash, plus maybe G feature on M wall? That takes advantage of your space for K reasons while adhering to your taste." Also, some side notes: a) I think you'll have an easier time balancing the dining set with styles you prefer if you break up the set across several different rooms. Use the table in the office, the chairs in the dining room, and the hutch in the kitchen or whatever. With all three - the hutch, table, and chairs - together in the dining room (and being the only furniture in that room), the country note you don't seem to be a fan of will inevitably dominate that room. b) I disagree with Sophie that it makes sense to hire an interior designer at this time. When you bring in a professional, you want to have some idea of what you're asking them for. Something you want them to help you achieve. I don't think you have that yet, and free discussion here is a good way to pin down your own thoughts a bit more. c) I don't think whoever said this looked like an inexpensive house meant it in a denigrating way. You mentioned several very large ticket items (kitchen reno and opening up two separate stories of your house), and I think she/he was simply trying to make sure you're not putting more into the house than you can get back when you sell. That can be devastating. But in case that made you feel weird about having posted, rest assured that people post on here with every single kind of house. Is this the grandest house we've ever seen? No. Is it the humblest? Also no. But no one cares. We're all just here because we like improving homes. The starting point really doesn't matter.

I would leave the fireplace for last. It looks nice in the picture and what you feel about it may be changed by other changes you make. I understand the difficulty about painting the wood walls. My favorite place is the lake - which has similar cabin like walls - and they are cozy. However, I also love light rooms, and grown up me is a little less in love with pine walls then little kid me - though both little kid me and grown up me like cozy. Not sure of your budget, but I did new counters, backsplash and apron front sink in my older and I am very happy with the results: https://www.houzz.com/ideabooks/57579129/list/my-pics-work-in-progress My sink is a "short apron" Kohler Whitehaven which can be installed on a standard sink base cabinet. I would reposition the island and if possible, find a new place for the microwave - a microwave drawer in the island if affordable. Then put in a true range vent. Before you mess with the kitchen, evaluate your layout. It looks like at some point a wall may have been taken down leaving not enough wall space for appliances - thus the sink and range are too close together. Moving the island closer to the sink and range to provide prep space is a possibility. Do not put the range in the island - too hard to vent and not the safest way to cook. (The best place for the range is where the fridge is, but then where to place the fridge - unless you build a partial wall for fridge and micro.) Make sure you are satisfied wit your layout before investing in expensive surfaces. This is my wood kitchens idea book - both newer and older, refreshed kitchens - it might inspire: https://www.houzz.com/ideabooks/75202366/list/wood-kitchens Here are some inspiration pics if you paint the family room. I would probably lean that direction myself even though I do like wood:

I think the blue panels are way too high of a contrast in the room; would you consider softening the windows with a blue, white, beige geometric print, but with lined panels to add the darkness you requested for the room? ....another timeless look, is a bamboo styled room darkening or regular shades in the windows in a mid shade relates to the floor color?