I received a great box from Heidi. She made two adorable angel ornaments that are now on my tree. She also included a mix of candy and several packages of seeds. These all came inside a cute holiday box. Heidi also made a card with a poem she wrote inside. I want to share it with everyone. She is a very clever writer. It read Winter Soltice Twas the night before Winter solstice and all through the garden The air was quite cold, the ground starting to harden I had just sat down to a nice cup of tea To look through the seeds I had gotten for free When out on the lawn, there arouse such a clatter I jumped from my chair to see what was the matter The snowflakes were fallin' the wind was a blowin' "My winter sowing containers!!" down the street they were goin I threw on my boots, took off at a run I could already see this was not gonna be fun I collected the containers and tied them up tight So much for seed sorting on this crazy night I put on my PJ's and snuggled to bed While visions of winter sown flowers danced in my head I swear I heard my husband snore as I drifted off to sleep "Happy Winter solstice to all, and don't plant your seeds too deep" Thank you Heidi, I really enjoyed my box and it did bring a smile to my face. Margo

While I have a few moments, I want to wish ALL of you dear friends a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday time. We will have a white Christmas, also, as we received 14 inches of snow about 10 days ago. Right now we are expecting another freezing rain/sleet/snowstorm/blizzard from now til Saturday. Plans are on hold waiting to see what happens as far as any travel. Our son and daughter-in-law are to come this evening from St. Cloud, but time will tell. Twill be the first time we have seen them since their wedding in September. Melissa, we also got a new Lab. But HE is a baby. Weened and cute, cute, cute! HE(I have a hard time saying that since almost all of our pets have always been SHE)is a cross of lab and blue heeler. He is all black except his tummy and the tip of his tail is frosty-colored. She is a great companion for Lady our SHE dog. Can't decide whether to call him Tramp or Buddy.Finally a dog that will use a dog house! Maybe Lady will get the idea and start to use the other one. Lady refuses to use a doghouse, go in the garage, etc. Obviously something happened in her past that makes her afraid of those places. So she just lays out in the elements year-round. Hubs is cutting wood for the fireplace. I am baking and listening to Christmas music. What a life! ME

Reading all of your posts have made me realize I am not alone in how I feel about losing my Mom.. I lost my Mom Sept 10th 2010 she died of complcations of a debilitating stroke that she had a year prior.. It was my worse nightmare her dying as when she had the stroke in 2009 she didn't really know me most of the time and she had no idea where she was or what happened to her and could do nothing for herself so really i lost her twice.. I had went to visit her the night before she had her stroke and I stayed late and she walked me to the door i can remember her waving goodbye to me how did I know that would be the last time she would do that or be the same person.. I feel guilty for leaving her that night but I didn't know this was going to happen.. I always called her every morning to make sure she was up and had ate and taken her pills but she didn't answer the phone ..I wasn't concerned as she sometimes slept late so I waited a little while and called again she still didn't answer so I called her neighbor and asked if she had seen MOm and if she would go to her apt and check on her I just was not thinking anything was wrong..Her friend did and she said Mom didn't answer the door but she said it sounded like she could hear Mom's voice.. So I got myself together and went to her apt we had a hard time getting in as she had locked the screen door. When we got in I found Mom on the floor in a sort of a twisted uncomfortable position ,I said Mom what happened do you know who I am and she said yes that I was her Mom I knew something was wrong , we called the emergency squad and they came and tried to get Mom up and to stand and her legs were like rubber and she was not speaking things that made sense the apt was a mess as she had been stumbling and falling trying to stand or get some where she had bloody bruises on her arms . We got her to the hospital and they xrayed her and ran tests she had had a very bad blood clot stroke that should have killed her they said but didn't it left her paralyzed on her whole right side and plus affected her sight as she saw double it was bad.. They told me there was nothing they could do she stayed in the hospital for 4 days and then told me I had to decide something ..I knew I couldn't take care of her by myself as I had severe back problems and she was going to need 24 hr care I had no other siblings or no other family close and my Mom nor I had the money to hire someone to help me.So against all I beleived and didn't want to do i had to put her in a nursing home something I swore i would never do .. The year I had her in there was a nightmare in itself,I had to fight with them not literally but you know what I mean to get them to take care of her right I was always upset everytime I visited her as I knew things were not right I would talk to them and ask why ,they would always blame it on some one else she had MRSA twice while she was there and an infection of the colon called C-Diff both staff infections were very contagious.. I talked to people outside of the nursing home to try to get help and called the state and couldn't get anything accomplished they don't care about elderly people and maybe because Mom was on Medicaid maybe that was not good either..It just was a living nightmare I was so upset all of the time after I would leave seeing her it affected my health and I hated seeing Mom like she was as she would not want to have lived if she knew she was having to depend on someone else to do everything for her and she was totally bedfast.. I was the only one to go and visit her as all other family was far away and the nursing home knew that and i think they took advantage of it I tried to go at different times but it didn't help it was just so hard and my husband was not a supportive person for me so i was dealing by myself which was very difficult.. She very seldon knew who I was she could talk at times and sometimes she was silent I continued to talk to her..The times she knew me and was able to tell me she loved me i will cherish in my heart..I was with her the day and through the night till the next moring when she passed holding her hand and singing to her as I always did the whole time she was in there..I would try to get her to sing with me the songs she knew to try to keep her mind alert and talking.. I just have guilt of having to put her in the nursing home and how she had was taken care I understand nursing home are short staff but I think they could do better then they do ,there were a few that really cared and did a good job but most of them could have cared less and the ones that would take the time and do a good job they would let them go so sad.. I miss my Momma so much I miss her voice being able to ask her things and hugs she was my best friend and was there when no one else was always..I feel when she died a part of me went with her there is an emptiness inside of me .. We don't know how it feels to lose a parent or anyone until we experience it ourselves.. Some people can just deal and get on with it ..Lot of people don't want to hear how you feel or what you are experienceing and we need to be able to talk about our loved one it does help.. Some days are so overwheming that I don't I am ever going to be able to deal and then a few days will go by and I am ok but My Mom is always in my thoughts each day.. I know she is by my side at times or comes in my thoughts ,I really don't think it is going to get easier the pain at times is so great..It is just so lonely at times.. It is hard to keep it all in some days I will just cry alot till its all out then i will be ok ..The strangest things will set the crying in and comes on me when I least expect.. My heart goes out to each one of you that has lost a loved one and know I understand and feel your pain.. I do know that if it was not for my faith in God I would be in worse shape then i am I know that he helps and that crying and talking about your loved one is part of the grief process.

Huh, when I originally posted, I was worried about getting the usual, visceral, negative reactions to the mention of Christmas MUSIC. That was what I was hesitating for. I actually have my decor ready to go, just have to execute. The music is making it hard to hold back...... It is true I need no permission from anyone to decorate. I tend to do what I like when I like. I guess its just that I do not see Thanksgiving as having a "season" like Halloween and Christmas do. Its a day. A big and important one, but not a whole season of activity like the others. I do not want to say its BORING, I love Thanksgiving day, but......well anyway. I do decorate specifically for it to give it its due...... For the record, MY calendar reads like this: 2021: Nov 1st- 24th-Christmas Nov 25th- Thanksgiving until dinner its over Nov 25th evening-Dec26th-Christmas again. And I do think that the truckers positive response is to Charlie Brown, many of them do not even recognize that it is the Thanksgiving episode until I mention it, then they are even more amused! If I were to start playing familiar Christmas movies tonight they would likely be just as thrilled. The inquiries into when I was putting up my Halloween stuff started in mid August. I think any sort of change from routine is welcome to the drivers. Especially when many of these people have been on the road, going from terminal to terminal, with stark white walls, industrial noise, necessary but tedious security checks and no cheer. Sounds miserable doesn't it? I am told by some of them that my work is the only place that they go to that really goes all out. Some do not even decorate at all! Not even a tiny tabletop Christmas tree! Ugh! I would HATE to work somewhere like that during the holidays! My SO shocked me to my very core today. (in a good way) He asked when I wanted to go get a Christmas tree! It is shocking because when I met him, he did not care about Christmas. He grew up in ridiculous poverty, so Christmases were rather bleak and sad, and then when he became an adult, his only role was to pay for his kids' presents. He had never received a Christmas present until he met me. Not from his parents or grandparents (who raised him). They just couldn't. Not from friends or even his wife. They were married 15 years and NO PRESENT!!! But now he has had 12 Christmases with me, and I will NOT stifle MY Christmas cheer for anyone or anything, and therefore I think I have finally rubbed off on him!!!! Yay! We always get a live tree so I told him I wanted to get one the week of thanksgiving so I can decorate it that night. It will be interesting to see Leos reaction to it......