You can always go to a flooring store to just look at wood samples in various colors and get started there, so you have an idea in mind of what color you are going for. Then it will be up to the flooring guy and the staining guy to get as close to that color as they can to what you have in mind. I started with the flooring first (which wasn't stained as it's vinyl) which gave me a lot to work with as there is a lot of variation in the flooring color, and then I ended up picking out the stain for the kitchen cabinets to blend with the flooring color, and I liked it so much that we used the same stain for the stained woodwork, including the handrail. Don't push your desires aside and then get angry or wait too long and be miserable. That is not the best way to get what you want. Rather, learn to be calm assertive....so they can either explain to you why what you want isn't going to work and it explain it to your satisfaction....or if they can't, insist that you want it done your way. You are footing the bill and you have to live with the choices that are made...they don't. They have other objectives. I remember when dealing with the trades, it was difficult as they each would insist on something but they'd be conflicting. It was because each trade saw it from their perspective and their ability to get their part of the job done in the easiest way. But I had to make sure I got MY way as I had to live with the result...they didn't.

Good thoughts so far. Yes, I was amazed at the English Chestnut - it's lovely. I will share pics below. @mclarke - yes, the stairs are high enough that occupancy permit not possible, as others have aluded to. @gmp3 - "high end". to me that's a comparative analysis & tough to say. we are suburbs major metro area - for this area it is average custom build, but compared to some areas of the country yes, it's "high end". I feel blessed even with all the last minute changes & mess. We have had SO MUCH STUFF ripped out & re-done, we are reluctant to ask them to do it again, by request at that. But that might be good idea. DH on his way to pick up small stain cans as we speak to help coordinate colors. If we paint the spindles, to me the red oak will be enough distance from the floor that a small change in hue won't be obvious. (example - manager went thru the other day & noticed that his trim crew had used the wrong base board for over 100 feet of triple-crown molding - so they're ripping that out for a re-do. They neglected to case one of the dining room doorways - so rip out & redo - which also involves moving another whole doorway. One whole door & doorway upstairs changed from 3.0 to 2'8" & moved on the wall because Draw person was clueless, and 3.0 door would not open 90 degrees after door hardware installed (this we noticed, and warned them, but they charged on to finish, rather than ask us "what do you mean by this?") Their garage stairs were not what we specified - so rip out & re-do. Back porch is a poured slab with poured stairs - and framing crew put the support posts per blue-print but did cement guys check the blueprints?? noo... so can't change supports 'cause it'll mess with roof, so poured cement stairs were ripped off & re-poured..... ) *sigh* oh that I could be on site 24x7! oh that people would communicate! oh that people would have actually consulted the plans!! And my GrandFather had a saying "if frogs had wings they wouldn't bump their butts when they hopped". LOL Oh - pics. All wall & painted trim so far Duron's Shell White. And we tried to plastic cover lights & fan motors to protect from wood-floor dust. Coming in the front door (chair rail not painted yet): View from the other side after they'd laid protection for other workers, but you can tell it's high enough for code that railing must be up: So as not to inundate you with images, but this probably the best example of color. Every room the floor looks different because of window & reflections, but it's a cool enough color that it allows the cider-on-cherry cabinets in the kitchen to keep their "cherry" look and not go 'orange':

I have done this. We have oak railings in this house that were very ho-hum, so I decided to stain them darker with polyshades. I mixed Walnut & Bombay Mahogany & while I would have liked them to be a bit darker brown & less reddish, I'm very happy with the way they turned out. My railings did not have a really shiny finish, so I didn't sand or anything, just painted right over them with the Polyshades. I used a small cheap chipbrush, so I could just throw them away, since Polyshades is oil-based & I hate working with oil. It covered really well in one coat & I just went back & did a quick 2nd coat on areas that were a bit too light. I didn't even tape off the spindles or anything & it was quite easy to control the coverage. Here's a before & after..the best pics I have available right now. Now the railings are much darker than the floor & I think it looks much better & richer. And it really wasn't hard to do at all. Well worth the effort. Before: After:

When stain is applied correctly, it is absorbed into the grain of the wood. Woods with more dense grain(like maple) absorb less stain, so sanding is generally less time consuming. Wood can be stained darker, but not lighter. Stain will not be absorbed through any finish(save what is called a wash coat of shellac which is used to minimize blotching). Blotching occurs when a section of the wood absorbs more stain than surrounding areas because of the grain density. Softer woods(pine/etc) and open grain woods(oak/ash/etc) tend to blotch more than more dense grained wood. Sanding finish can be quite time consuming and expensive, especially when the old finish gums up the sand paper. Which happens more times than not as a rule. Scratch coat sanding is an exception, since the finish is not removed, but just roughed up so primer can adhere better.