Idle Thoughts Of A Retiree's Wandering Mind: I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it ******************** I had amnesia once---or twice ******************** I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what? ******************** Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. ******************** All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy ******************** If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle. ******************** What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

We used to buy them from the ice cream truck that drove around the neighborhood a couple times a week. There was always this one kid who pushed it too hard and the sherbet fell on the ground. Come on Ronnie, didn't you learn from last time?

On our first trip to Maui we drove to Lahaina to have lunch. I brought along a pillowcase with some underwear, hoping to find a laundromat. We found a lot where cars were parked behind one another and gave the keys to the attendant, as we would have done at home in Chicago. Uh-huh. There was no attendant. After lunch, when we reported our missing car to the police they were dumbfounded that we'd give up the car keys. The rental company was astounded, and they refused to rent us a replacement car. (A rival company had no problem.) The police only had to follow a trail of undergarments thrown out of the car along the road north to Kapalua to find our abandoned rental.

Found on Facebook: THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH 1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. 2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. 3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before. 4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha. 5. Onced and Twiced are words. 6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy! 7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom? 8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra. 9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something. 10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper. 11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. 12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you. 13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?' 14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see. 15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em. 16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural. 17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal. 18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car. 19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup. 20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip. 21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name) 22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. 23. You know what a hissy fit is.. 24. Fried catfish is the other white meat. 25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!! 26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH. AND one more: 27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done! Rusty