Smile today - 9/19/21

Annie Deighnaugh

4 years ago

усмешка

(Belarusian)

Featured Answer

Rusty

4 years ago

last modified: 4 years ago

Found on Facebook:

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5. Onced and Twiced are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?

8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.

9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.

10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'

14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.

17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.

19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup.

20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.

21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name)

22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

23. You know what a hissy fit is..

24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!

26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.

AND one more:

27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!

Rusty

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Comments (17)

Annie Deighnaugh
Original Author
4 years ago
Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.

-- Cathy Guisewite
aok27502
4 years ago
“The bicycle is a curious vehicle. Its passenger is its engine.”

- John Howard
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Jeb zone 5
4 years ago
Morning stiffness for a man is a completely different thing at 20 years old than it is at 60 -

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Olychick
4 years ago
Annie Deighnaugh
Original Author
4 years ago
Good one Jeb!
buccos4vr
4 years ago
Susanwv
eld6161
4 years ago
Jasdip
4 years ago
Jasdip
4 years ago
This showed up on my FB Memories.

Southern Divorce

A judge was interviewing a Memphis, Tennessee, woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband's parents."

The judge took a deep breath and asked, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we really don't even have a car."

"Please," he tried again, "is there infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music - all that hip hop and rap trash - but we can't seem to do anything about it."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee."

The judge asked, "Is your husband a nagger?"

"Oh, hell no, he's as white as you and me!"

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce?

I don't want one, my husband does! He says he can't communicate with me!
dedtired
4 years ago
eld6161
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
Jasdip and Rusty, i got a good chuckle.
jim_1 (Zone 5B)
4 years ago
Walking into the bedroom, I tripped on my wife's bra. It was a booby trap!
Uptown Gal
4 years ago
Eld...I loved the wafer cookies. Voortman's still make and sell them....in lots of flavors. I love

the banana ones and the carmel ones. Still like the plain old vanilla too.
Jasdip
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
I had sweet tea once, on a road trip to Louisiana. After that I ordered unsweetened tea everytime, and sweetened it to my own taste. :-)
bragu_DSM 5
4 years ago
re: #20 above in if'n you move to the south ...

how odd ... a seven page paper. mebbe the other is for starting fires ...
dedtired
4 years ago
I thought jeet was a Philadelphia word, along with gahead.