I'd grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds.

A good math test

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."

Bpath someone wrote a book called Ghoul On A Stool for Halloween. Dumb.