Just thought I would pop back in. Doesn't god hate lazy people too who refuse to help themselves or take care of their family? We went to visit both our families this weekend...about an hour away. We were supposed to eat lunch with my family today. He had wanted to stay at his mom's and I wanted to stay at my mom's (more comfy bed), so he said lets split up. We ate dinner with his mom Sat night, she offered to pay and he grabbed the check and said no we will pay. Then proceeds to hand it to me since he has no $$$. I don't know why but I paid. I should have said something. His mom knows we are having trouble - he told her we are declaring bankruptcy and I told her the business has failed. So I call him at 12 today to say I was on my way to pick him up. He says no I have to go home to work we need to leave now. I said that we already had plans and he could eat with us if he wanted or stay at his moms, and I would pick him up afterwards.. He chose to stay there and sulk. His mom pissed me off as she knew we had plans with my family and she says to me on the phone when I called to talk to him at 12...oh we are celebrating aunt so and so's birthday today at such and such place if you want to go there instead. Then we get home at 5pm and he goes to bed. He hasn't had any photoshoots in a month, so any work he might have is from over a month ago. Plus he never mentioned he needed to leave at 12 even when I spoke with him the night before. Whatever. y mom asked what was wrong, because clearly I was upset, even though I was trying to hold it all in. So against my more rational judgement I kinda told her what was going on. I really didn't know what she would say...she is pretty religous. She said, well I hope he gets it together and you don't have to get divorced, but you can't keep wasting your life and always having to push him. I was pretty suprised. I thought she might say, that its not that bad and it would be wrong to divorce. I told her I would feel like a failure for getting a divorce and she was very reassuring that isn't the case. (Note: She is divorced, but my dad beat her all the time and finally she left after 11 years - the church told her she shouldn't) I mentioned the only way he will probably find a new job is if I do his resume and send it out. She said she wouldn't do that...that he needs to do it himself and if not, then he has made his choice and I shouldn't feel bad to have him leave. Then my brother arrived at lunch and asked where my husband was since he figured he would be at lunch. I told him less. Brother is younger than me and has his own business and really likes my husband...considers him a brother. I just said he was in a bad mood, that the business wasn't going well. Brother said that he had talked to him at XMAS trying to help...suggesting sales calls, networking, inviting him to his business assoc. mtgs etc. I said he hasn't went on one sale call, sent out any direct mail, phone calls or trade shows ever in three years, doesn't call his customers back when they have complaints and has a bad rating with the better business bureau. He said, well he could turn it around, but it would require 80 hr work weeks, tons of sales calls, resolving issues etc. He said it doesn't sound like that will work. I was very calm just matter of fact with my family...not emotional, not saying I hate him etc. Just the busines isn't working and that I told him he needs to go back to work. Brother asked how much the business is making, if I didn't mind saying, which I didn't...I told him $615...he thought that was per week....I said, no that is per year. He agreed time to say goodbye to it. He did say his 1st three businesses didn't succeed, but that he doesn't have a "sugar mamma" so if he doesn't work he doesn't eat. Then went on to say its not fair to me to have live that way. Of course I asked each of them to keep this confidental. I really hadn't planned on saying anything to my family since I embarrassed about the entire thing and also because if we do reconcile I do not want them to hold a grudge, but I think the way I presented it, that will not be the case. Plus my family typically doesn't hold grudges. I didn't tell my brother I was thinking about a divorce though. Not really ready to tell everyone. Hopefully it wasn't a mistake to mention it to my mom. I delivered all the bankruptcy forms and support docs to our atty this week and we will file March 15. I found a new job that pays 10k more as my current employer eliminated by job in Dec and I have been doing data entry work for the past four weeks, so I start that in a week. It will involve some travel. Even with the increase we still qualify for the bankruptcy, thank god, because I can barely pay all the nessecary bills. Thank you all for listening to my vent...I really needed to get that out. I am willing to give it to the end of May. If he doesn't have a job by then, I am done. It makes me cry just typing that out.

It's even on this thread.... I'm special. No, I have an underlying condition that would make it certain, that I would be hospitalized and probably would die from COVID. But I take it so seriously, I'm not going to be there, amongst throngs of people. I'm not going to go beyond your barrier. I'm not going to go past the safe distance. I will wear my mask. I will make sure you do not touch my money, by paying for it ahead of time, or using a card and I don't push buttons. Fine, I am special. I would prefer not to be. How about you take over for me, you be an asthmatic and worry about getting a deadly breathing disorder?

@One Devoted Dame, Good questions. Strap in for a long answer. No builder is perfect. No client is perfect. No set of plans and specifications is perfect. No custom home is built without some issues-- albeit minor ones. Provided you have a well-documented set of plans and specifications, the selection of the right builder for your needs will go a long way to minimizing headaches, heartaches, and unpleasant "surprises" during construction. Said otherwise, if the builder you select is good at their day job, you can continue to focus on your day job and not need to up the blood pressure medicine while your home is being built. I suggest aspiring custom homeowners begin the builder selection process by visiting builder websites. That will pare down the field to the couple who build the type of home, at the price point of interest, and provide the type of service you're looking for. Follow that up with some brief telephone interviews to assess fit. If someone doesn't have time for you as a prospect, they won't have time for you when your project is under contract, either. For each builder that survives those initial qualification processes (I suggest you pare it down to no more than three) schedule a visit and explore the processes they have in place to make sure the route to your dream home isn't a nightmare. Here are the things I suggest you explore. Longevity: Find our how long the builder has been in business--and I don't mean the total number of years they've been in business. I've seen plenty of builders advertise their business was established in a particular year. Problem is they've been bankrupt a couple of times since then and started up new companies after leaving clients holding the bag. Your interest is to find a long-term viable builder who is not likely to go bankrupt in the middle of your project. Years of continuous operation is evidence. Expertise: Expertise is quite different from experience. Some builders may be former masons or framers, some might have been architects or engineers before becoming home builders. Some might have been trained as accountants. Find out the builder's background, what they are good at, and see if their expertise aligns with your project needs. Ego: Designing and building a custom home are collaborative efforts. Make sure the builder you select respects you, your architect, the trades, and their own employees and is able to work as a member of a team. Big egos aren't normally hard to identify. Schedule: The old adage that time is money holds true for both builders and homeowners. You want a builder who makes efficient use of time without making assumptions or taking short cuts in construction to the detriment of the structure or its cost. Ask how projects are scheduled. Ask to see a schedule for a project. How often are schedules updated? How are trade contractors scheduled? What is the on-time completion rate? Ask to see actual schedules for completed projects versus planned (and cut them some slack for work during a global pandemic.) Do clients have access to the project schedule? How are changes to the schedule communicated? Check with some of the builders former clients to see what their experience was like. Safety and Risk Management: An accident on site can translate to a schedule delay, elevate costs, and maybe land you and/or your builder in court. Ask about the builder's safety track record. Visit some current job sites. Are they neat and well organized or are materials and trash strewn everywhere? Are safety measures such as temporary handrails in place where needed? Are there fire extinguishers on site? Is there signage to discourage trespassing? A no smoking in the home policy in place? Ask to see a copy of the builder's general liability and worker's compensation insurance. Quality Control: The builder's job is to transform thousands of components and the efforts of hundreds of individuals into the home depicted by the plans. It needs to be built substantially as per the plans and specifications. Doing that is not a trivial task. Ask how projects are supervised. How often is a construction supervisor on site? How many projects will they be responsible for concurrently? How are materials ordered? What controls are in place to ensure what gets ordered and installed is what the client selected? What controls are in place to ensure conformance with the approved plans? Are there regular client walk throughs at particular milestones? How often? How are questions, issues and problems addressed? How is a final inspection handled? What about punch list items? What about any warranty issues? Speak to current and/or formal clients of the builder to see what their experience was. Communications: Most problems that occur in residential construction are due either to poor plans and specs or poor communication. Ask how and how often the builder will communicate with you. Who is the point person for questions or concerns? How often are they available to answer questions? Are questions answered promptly? How are communications maintained and reported so things do slip between the proverbial cracks? Check with some current and former clients of the builder to see what their experience was. Changes, Errors and Omissions: An architect friend of mine says there is no such thing as a perfect set of plans. There will probably be a need to implement changes and possibly to correct errors and omissions in the plans. Ask about the builder's process for handling changes. How to they evaluate feasibilty and determine the cost of changes? How do they deal with any potential schedule implications? Ask to see a typical change order. Does the builder have a system in place for tracking aggregate change order cost? Ask to see it. For any fixed contract price contracts, what is the builder's track record of actual completed price to original contract price? For cost-plus and management fee projects, who pays to correct mistakes? , Value: Every client has a budget and wants to get the most they can within the budget amount. While the end product of building a custom home is a product, a custom home builder doesn't sell products; they are a service provider. You won't likely get the same quality and service from a low bidder that you will from the highest bidder. When assessing value, aspiring custom homeowners need to evaluate cost, quality, and service and find the builder who provides the right blend of those for their needs. Focusing on just one or two of the value components might result in "friction" during construction. Friction: Frustration during home construction is often the product of misaligned expectations. In our company, we call such misalignments "friction." Invest the necessary time, effort, and money to ensure you've got a well documented set of plans and specifications. Follow that up by investing the time, and effort in the builder selection process. If you do, the majority of potential friction can be eliminated. If you've survived reading the full length of this post, I think you're better equipped to choose the right builder for you. Feel free to add additional things to assess and how to ensure the right fit. Best wishes for a successful project.

That's great that you are locked into a 30 year already. Are there time limits on CO? Is there no final appraisal and contingencies based on that? Has the 30 year clock already started? The only banks around me that do construction to perm loans are small and they always want to be able to sell it. I would assume (being the pessimist) that there are time to complete deadlines and appraisal contingencies that might be tough in the current environment. Banks don't generally like risk and usually write contracts based on that. Then they can totally leave you hanging. So many stories on this forum over the years about difficulties on the back end.