Had the sprinkler maintenance company out this morning. Turns out a T-pipe right by the sprinkler valve had cracked and was leaking water. So no actual groundwater problem.

Thanks all! We made an offer and although it is still technically open, we don't expect it to be accepted or even countered at a price that we are willing to accept given the lack of comps. I think invisible nailed it. The seller is not desperate for cash and has time to see what the market will do. Luckily, there are several lots we like and we are not in a rush. We can keep our options open and after the market speaks either with sales or time on the market we can reevaluate.

Couple of things......what is considered as "extremely acidic" soils by your extension service? Most of western NY has only moderately acidic soil (and there are even limestone pockets here and there with somewhat alkaline soil conditions). "Extremely" acidic would be less than 5.0. And maples are pretty tolerant of any soil pH as long as not extreme in either direction, although most species would prefer a slightly acidic pH, as do the vast majority of other plant types - I would not necessarily consider their presence as a sign of very acidic conditions. Do you see lilacs growing and blooming in any nearby gardens? That's typically a reasonable indication of the suitability of growing conditions without the need for a lot of amending. FWIW, lilacs thrive in my area of the PNW which has slightly to moderately acidic soil. They do not demand an alkaline soil condition. If you intend to transplant, I'd do it as soon as the leaves start to drop. And by all means, go easy on the lime if you apply any at all!! As far as your cement-like soil, I'd just layer on a good thick covering (4-6") of compost after transplanting the lilacs and let nature takes its course. Compost is an excellent remediation material for contaminated soils and will stimulate the soil biology to loosen up the hard surface. With any luck, the soil should be ready to accept new plantings in spring. But I might have a soil test done first to see exactly how out of whack the pH is in that area. The good news is that most soils have a buffering capacity that prevents any significant permanent change in pH so whatever damage the excess lime might have done will only be temporary.

There is a lot of confusion over what is SM’s role. Most people tend to think that SM’s role is to be whatever works for BM, bio-dad, SKs at the moment. For ex., BM doesn’t want you to be a mom, but if it is more convenient for BM to have you take her bio-daughter to appts., then “bingo!” you’re supposed to make mom-shoes fit for that hour or so. An added bonus for BM may be to not give you the information she knows you need to stick it to ya’, so to speak. Not saying that is specifically what went on here, but it could be. Step-daughter may not want you to be a mom, either, but if she needs someone to clean up after her wedding, for example, suddenly she is asking you to take on that responsibility as step-“mom.” Meanwhile, you may attend the wedding expecting to be seated with your husband, just like any other married couple, only to find that no arrangement whatsoever has been made for you and your role, and the expectation is that BM and bio-dad, instead, play joined-at-the-hip couple for the entire evening. . . no permission needed from either yourself (SM) or bio-dad. Doesn’t matter how many years you and bio-dad have been married. Meanwhile, your reward for all of those years of sucking it up and taking it, is for you to not be included in any “family” photos, and for you to have to find your own seat and clean up after the wedding ceremony. Nice. And, I’ve heard of this or similar or worse happen to SMs at weddings more often than anyone would ever care to think. But, the point I’m trying to make with these examples is to answer your question, “To what point do you feel like your maybe doing too much for your spouses' kid etc.?” It is when YOU feel like YOU are doing too much, it is too much. Anything anyone else does (including step-parents) for someone else’s children should be seen as a gift and not as an obligation. If a babysitter is taking care of someone else’s children and the parents are late, the babysitter gets extra pay. If grandpa and grandma are taking care of their grandchildren, as blood relatives, they get kudos and thanks and hugs and kisses. If SM takes care of someone else’s children, and in some shape or form so often she does, what is her reward? Crickets. Or, even worse. A SM’s #1 role is as a spouse/ partner to bio-dad. A SM’s role is not to fill in for lackadaisical or neglectful parents, and her role is certainly not to say, “How high?,” whenever someone in the initial family asks her to jump. As long as you are okay doing favors out of the goodness of your heart or for your husband, or because your husband truly appreciates it, and BM (at least on some level) appreciates it too, along with the SKs. . . then keep doing those favors. But, be careful there too, because it is extremely easy and almost a given that a SM will be taken for granted. Set boundaries early with everyone, and, for God’s sake, don’t do too much right off the bat! If you are dropping the kids off at school for example, before going to work, and your schedule changes and you can no longer do so, guess who is going to get their butt kicked? You are. You are going to be blamed for not finding another way to make your schedule work so you can keep dropping someone else’s kids off at school. Whatever favor you take on, both BM and bio-dad will feel you own. Your DH said, “He's trying to stay cool so he doesn't push her mom away.” What about you? He doesn’t want to be put in the middle of BM and his child? He doesn’t want to be put in the middle of this own divorce, but he expects you to? How nuts is that!? Yet, this is the expectation so many have for SMs it is unbelievable—they actually believe that dad should NOT be put in the middle of issues involving his own children, his own ex-, and so on. BUT, SM, on the other hand, should be put in the middle!? That is plain backwards crazy. Start to say NO, and mean NO. DH says he doesn’t want to make waves with his ex-, say, “Fine, that is on your shoulders. You and BM need to find a way to take your own daughter to these appointments.” And, don’t expect DH to agree or like it. He won’t. BM won’t like it either and step-daughter may not even like it. But, you are an adult and you own your own soul. Say No and mean No. I will add one caveat; however, it is a little trickier when you really are like “the mom,” as in this situation where BM is largely absent or where BM has even passed. Sometimes this makes interactions better and sometimes it can make them worse, as it can be very difficult to fill in for a missing mom. Missing moms are often idolized. In reality, you shouldn’t be competing with BM or SKs at all, but if your DH sets it up this way—where your role is more as family servant than dad’s wife, and you feel like your needs are continually being pushed to the back—then you start to feel like you are in competition for being dad’s #1 wife, along with his ex- and his children. Next thing you know, everyone is jockeying for dad’s “main squeeze” role, competing with each other, while dad just sits in his lounge chair and complains about poor-whittle-ol-me, being stuck in the middle. In reality, he’s the numbnuts who set it up that way to begin with. Don't let 'em do it.