My mom was a wonderful cook. She tried to teach me but I had no interest, until I had a family and HAD to cook.

I used to be afraid of my fat Joy of Cooking, now I realize there are some fine easy recipes, and a wealth of information on selecting, storing, prepping, and cooking methods. Mom gave it to me when I graduated from college, I think I cracked it open 15 years later! And now I learn a lot from watching old French Chef episodes. I used to watch them with Mom as a kid but didn't absorb anything.

Btw, I used a meal planning service where I had to go to the grocery store and prep and all, but they told me what to make, and how to do it, and what to serve it with. I learned so much from DOING it, day in and day out.

Haven't read it since I was in college, but I remember being entertained and learning the basics from Peg Bracken's I Hate to Cook Book. I'll bet you can pick it up cheaply on Ebay.

What does your son like to eat for dinner? Ask him and have him google "simple cooking recipes for ......." on line.

If I have some stuff in the fridge and don't know what to make with it I will put the ingredients in the search engine with "recipes" at the end and all sorts of ideas come up.

Take him to the grocery store and teach him how to shop. Stick to the outside aisles except for frozen vegetable, soups and cookies. (ok that last one is mine). Show him where spices are, where pasta is.

Teach him what to always have on hand - oil, salt and pepper, broths, diced tomatoes, carrots, potatoes, butter whatever else he likes and was brought up with. Write essential things on a permanent grocery list.

Always make enough for leftovers.

One of the easiest things to cook and eat is stir-fry. Cut up favourite vegies, thinly slice some meat or thaw some frozen shrimp, throw it in the fry-pan on highish heat, add some seasonings, some bottled sauce and eat it.

Keep it super simple. Teach him to bake a chicken breast or thighs, teach him how to microwave frozen vegetables, teach him how to cook scrambled eggs. Write those things on individual recipe cards.

Nothing wrong with a baked chicken thighs, zapped corn and a baked potato (don't forget to teach him to prick the potato first) for dinner. Chicken and potato done at the same temperature, potato goes in first and chicken goes in 30 minutes later.

mdln said what needs to be said. A middle aged man needs to figure this out on his own. First things first, I hope he gets another job asap and can have his own home again.

Elephant in the room.

I also like Joy of Cooking, but I reduce the salt in all of the recipes by half, and sometimes omit the salt altogether. That's the only fault I find with it, and it is rather encyclopedic.

Another good choice in The Complete America's Text Kitchen Cookbook - get a used copy. The recipes are more detailed and the science of cooking is explained, which I think is helpful, and I think this helps one remember how to cook. I don't know when this book got so expensive - I bought it new a year or so ago, and it was only $22.00 as I remember. Anyway, I really like it, and I think it is inspiring. Also, it has photos, something lacking in JOC.

"Help! My Apartment has a kitchen"

100 + great recipes with Foolproof instructions" Written by a mom whose son needed cooking lessons. by Kevin Mills & Nancy Mills.

I love it.

I agree with suggesting blogs, he can read and decide what he wants to cook. I always try to cook healthy so I enjoy reading skinnytaste . I'm not trying to lose weight as some others are, but I enjoy the healthy factor. Another blog I like is once upon a chef . Your son read read and see recipes and read reviews for changes.

I own many of the cookbooks mentioned, but now with so many online recipes, good pictures, I wouldn't get him a cookbook.

Agree with the suggestions for Ina Garten or Mark Bittman.

As for mother's teaching children to cook, mine said so long as you can read, you can cook. No big deal. As an adult who only took up cooking when she became a mother at 30, I have to say I agree with her. Out of four young adult children only one of them likes (loves) to cook. The other three know how to feed themselves properly, more or less.

WRT cookbooks, cooking styles come and go on fashion. Ina Garten and Mark Bittman are great, Ottolenghi is probably a good one to consider, though as mdln, said, your son should find what interests him to cook. The NYT cooking section is great, Serious Eats by Kenzie Lopez Alt is great too, all online, subscription required. for NYT.

Also make sure he has a sense of basic kitchen safety. Things like never use a glass pan on the stovetop, or it will explode into shards. What pans/containers are safe for freezer, frig, oven. What can and can't go in your dishwasher. Holding a knife so it is least likely to cut your fingers. How likely is it that a substance is going to burn, smoke up the kitchen, etc.

A forty-nine year old man should be able to feed himself, whether he fixes it himself, orders take out, or pops a frozen whatever in the microwave. Don't cook every meal for him. It sounds like it may be what you and his ex did, and he was never forced to feed himself.

Stop worrying about him. Stop babying him ( yes, I know they're our babies no matter how old they get). He's a grown man and I'm sure if he needs your help with cooking he will ask. He could learn how to cook by just watching videos and never looking at a cookbook.

Sorry I sound a bit harsh, but I felt like it's what you needed to hear.

Don't worry, mom. It's going to be okay.

Yes but --- it's not his kitchen he's using right now, is it?

I'd certainly not want someone starting from scratch experimenting (a.k.a. reinventing the wheel?) in my kitchen, with my equipment, without oversight. What could possibly go wrong? Why not save some time and grief by sharing wisdom?

Of course, others may have more tolerance for breakage and other mayhem...

"I know they're our babies no matter how old they get)"

I strongly disagree with what this comment says on its face, maybe it's not the intended message. Progeny stop being babies after a few years and stop being children some time in high school. Thereafter, they should be independent adults you're related to and should be treated as such. Doing otherwise has negative consequences both to them and to their parents.

I don't let anyone use something of mine unless I can expect they'll use or treat it with the same care I use. Supervising a 50 year old in a kitchen? I hope this isn't a serious comment. If he can't prepare his own food, the consequence rests with him, to buy takeout or make due with what comes in cans and frozen. If a parent cooks OCCASIONALLY for him, I hope there's no issue of his not knowing how to clean up and do dishes. Nor, as I think about it, to clean the house and make other contributions during his hopefully temporary stay.

Nickel, I learned the hard way at 22 not to use a glass baking dish on the stove! I’m much better in the kitchen now.

My younger son asked for a science of cooking book for Christmas. It’s very interesting and tells you a lot that can be applied in any cooking endeavor.

The other thing that might be helpful if he's interested is to watch the Rachel Ray 30 min meals. A lot of them are on youtube. She shows you everything from picking up the items in the pantry to plating it up at the end. Very quick, easy, accessible and good tasting using lots of real food.

DH lived on his own before we were married and I can't believe he survived. He used to make things like instant mashed potatoes out of a box and kraft mac n cheese and make bacon on the side! Yuck!!

With the "he is now single" remark and knowing it takes time to become that way unless the spouse died what did he do before moving back in? He may have eaten out all of the time or was on the just cereal diet but he had to do something to feed himself in between protectors. He may have the equipment stashed somewhere and I would suggest that he drag it out and use it simply because he would be used to it rather than what you have. If he is not willing to help cook having a series of slow down days when you ask him to fix something for you to eat may be what he needs.

I agree with the Joy of Cooking but a lot would also depend on what his wife was feeding him so he is more used to her cooking and may only be comfortable in that style.

I want him to get involved in cooking. I've insisted he watch me and work with me in the kitchen when preparing dinner. He's willing but is really ignorant about making a recipe. I would like him to learn the basics but realize that unless I make the same thing over and over, he's not learning anything.

Your time for direct teaching is over. If you have expectations of what you want your son to do while he is with you make those clear and enforce them. So if you need him to provide a meal half the days of the week, outline what is acceptable (protein, veggies, salad and starch, plus cleanup, for example) and let him figure out whether he will hire out the job and have Whole Foods provide the courses or whether he is going to learn what to do.

PS If anyone truly needs a good children's cookbook, I recommend Fanny at Chez Panisse. Fanny is Alice Waters's daughter. The cookbook is delightful, the food delicious and my boys had a great time learning the recipes.

Jamie Oliver's cookbooks are great for beginners too.

The real question is does he want to learn and have an interest in it? Or is this something you decided he needs to do? If you want him interested, then get him involved in cooking whatever *he* likes to eat be it nachos or hot wings or biscuits.

I got DH involved in baking in his retirement as I was still working and he was bored at home in the winter. He's an engineer by background so he said baking reminds him of chem lab. Now he makes muffins, pancakes, corn bread and my graham crackers for me. He does very well with it.

"If you want him interested, then get him involved in cooking whatever *he* likes to eat be it nachos or hot wings or biscuits."

More appropriate advice for when he was 10 years old or younger than for now. It's 40 years too late and if it was done then, he didn't care and hasn't cared since. Parents lose the option of trying to get their kids interested in things during the teenage years because from then forward, they do what they want. They may ask for suggestions or advice but they don't want unsolicited comments and thoughtful parents learn quickly that offering those usually backfires. I'm going to guess you don't have any kids.

Get him involved? He's 50 years old!. He can get himself involved.

Thanks everyone.

Our son is a recruiter and gets people jobs. Because of the pandemic, companies were not hiring. His degree is accounting but he loved recruiting and working with people.

As many others, he's receiving extended unemployment and got the stimulus checks. Due to a divorce, he's on his own.

They rarely cooked. They made good money and ate out or ordered out. He really has no interest in cooking.

These have been difficult times for us all. He's going through his personal problems, however he just got a recruiting job with a firm in NYC (remote) and starts next week. But due to the divorce (no kids) his expenses are high. His father, my husband has been in the hospital since February and its been a roller coaster. I'm glad he's here (never thought I'd say that), but he's been such a help in so many ways I never expected,

I guess it's my problem, but it bothers me that he always eats out, with Covid he just orders delivery. Since he moved back, I refuse to do that and thought it would be a good time for us to learn basic cooking techniques.

I never learned from my mother growing up. She was a bit OCD about things and never included me in cooking. She was a fantastic cook and baker. When I married, I didn't know a thing. I was calling her constantly and over the phone, I learned to cook. Joy of Cooking was my first cookbook. I used it for years. My husband and I entertained a lot and I just kept buying cookbooks. My daughter is a fantastic cook. She would help me in the kitchen and always had a interest in gardening and cooking what we picked. My son, not at all.

I decided that, since his dad is in the hospital, and its just the two of us, he should help in the kitchen. Why should I be making him meals while he's watching TV or chatting on the phone?? So, I made it a mission, no more buying meals, lets learn how to make simple meals.,,chicken cutlets, meatloaf (he was grossed out about mixing the meat with the breadcrumbs and eggs, spices, onion). I made him do it. We made his favorite meatloaf.

He's really uncomfortable in the kitchen. I find it odd that chopping an onion really bothered him and I knew he would rather be somewhere else. But I'm hoping he at least learns a few techniques about cooking.

He will start his new job next week, so he won't be sitting around the house bored. He does clean and does laundry, has been a big help, but really doesn't enjoy cooking.

I have my orginal Joy Of Cooking, but felt it was too detailed to hold his attention. It was my bible back in the 70;s. I love Ina and have her cookbooks. I have lots of them. However, I was looking for a basic, basic cookbook, like how to scramble an egg@

Thanks all,

Jane

I would abandon this mission. I would very much resent having my mother (or anyone else) insist on me doing something I had no interest in or desire to do,let alone something I was uncomfortable with,especially if I was not demanding she do it for me and I was helping out in other ways. If you refuse to cook for him for whatever reason(which is FINE) and he is ok with ordering out, I would leave it alone. A job loss, a divorce, having to move back home, and now starting a new job sounds overwhelming enough without having to start learning to do something he does not want to from scratch. This is not a criticism, just advice from someone who knows what it is like to have family "insist" that I need to do this and that for myself. No. I. Do. Not. It is their "I do this so you should too" attitudes have led me to cut out an awful lot of non essential communication with them. I do not like being nagged.

It also sounds like as soon as he is back out on his own he is unlikely to use any techniques or recipes you show him anyway. A cookbook would be a waste of money.

I say give him any cookbook at all -- and ask him to make supper tonight, starting with the shopping (maybe a problem with the pandemic.)

First night Spaghetti with meat sauce. You stay out of the kitchen but he can ask questions if he needs help.

Next night a pot of chili

Then a beef stew

Then hardboiled eggs and asparagus

Scrambled eggs, etc.

etc.

Though others here may have heard me whining about my lack of cooking skills, I can do all of these. He can take off from there

People all have different interests and abilities. If he can afford to eat out and order in, let him be. This is modern life. We may not have a Mrs Pattmore in the kitchen, but we can order in.

Your son sounds like he is helpful and self sufficient. What more do you want?

reminds me of my wife's sign on our kitchen wall ...

"I only have a kitchen because it came with the house"

Hooray for your son's new job! He will continue to live with you, though, at least for the time being? Good deal, since he cleans and does laundry :-)

Cooking has always been such a dear part of my life it's hard to relate to someone with zero interest in it, but okay. Now I'm just curious: does your son microwave frozen meals? Would he be able to make a box of mac & cheese (boil noodles, squeeze and stir cheese sauce)? Can he bake a frozen pizza? If he can do all that, and pick up a salad from a salad bar, he's not too bad off.

Oh, I missed that he is 49. Oops!

Yeah, much harder to enlist someone's help at that age in a process they have no interest in. Of course, there's lots I do that I don't like doing, but I do it because I like to have it done. Certainly from a health and financial point of view, learning to cook and eating what you make is a huge money saver and can be done with better nutrition, fewer processed foods and lower salt. So there's that. But I doubt you're going to get him to browse any cookbooks and find recipes or watch any cooking shows.

Maybe, instead of pushing him to cook, you do the cooking and let him do the dishes...

I used to have a cookbook called, truly, "How to Boil Water", and that was indeed one of the recipes!

Cooking full meals is not such an easy task for someone that knows nothing of cooking. I think I'd have him doing the other things that you'd mentioned such as cleaning and vacuuming, washing clothing, mowing the lawn etc...do the meal cooking yourself. He shouldn't have to sit around just because he isn't cooking. Very many simple jobs around the house to do for him to be pulling his own weight around the house. He can fix himself sandwiches or frozen dinners for lunch meals. That's simple enough. He should learn how to do simple things like make a hamburger or a grilled cheese sandwich etc. There are millions of videos on youtube to learn anything he could need to learn about cooking a dish.

IME, there is a world of difference between things that can be done leisurely, 'when I feel like it', such as vacuuming, dusting, laundry, etc. and must-do work of having to cook 2-3 times Every. Day. At some point, cooking, IME, descended into being drudge work. There was a progression from something I liked to do, to something that I didn't mind doing, to 'I am sick & tired of doing this multiple times every day'. And it is not only the physical act of putting a meal on the table. Along with the drudge comes the planning & shopping, cleaning the refrigerator, stove, oven, range hood.... If a household member is divorced from the cooking, then they can't do the planning or shopping effectively, either. They are not behaving responsively nor participating in a family activity. To say nothing of not having a basic life skill.

The DS is a user, plain & simple. He's pulling only part of his weight and leaving the dirty work for dear ole' Mom to do. With Mom being chained to the stove, she might be better off running a boarding house and getting paid for the work. At least have the cash incentive to cook. And Mom won't mind that the boarder is watching TV or chatting on the phone while waiting for room service.

In this situation, Dad is in the hospital and has been since February. Mom has a full plate all her own without having a diaper baby to feed on top of it all.

Looking at it from the son’s point of view it seems to me that there’s a good chance he’s depressed, or at leased very miserable. Divorced, jobless and stuck back home with elderly parents at 49. If he doesn’t want to, or can’t, cook I’d just tell him that you’re not doing supper because you’re doing something else and see what happens. He won’t starve. And I don’t see any need to cook three times a day. We get our own breakfasts and lunches and I provide dinner. But if I’ve been out for lunch and am not hungry or am doing something that evening I just say it’s every person for themselves. And they get on with it. No more than one cooked meal per day in my contract and then only if I feel like it. Don’t be a martyr but don’t insist on him cooking either.

The son is not a lay about. He has a new job. He does laundry, cleans, helps with family things, according to the OP. He is simply not interested in cooking.

As parents, we don't get do overs. If you didn't teach your child to cook and such when he was young, which was not a big thing in the 70s and 80s when he was growing up, then that's that, unless he develops an interest in the matter himself.

How many GenXers in general were taught to cook by mom and dad? How many male GenXers? As a GenXer, I, like many in my cohort, have gone to great lengths to ensure my children, all boys, are competent cooks. But even with all I have done, three out of four have no interest. They can help in the kitchen, they can prepare a good meal, from start to finish on their own, but it's not their thing at all. If they had no choice but fast food versus cooking, they would cook. They are very nutrition/health conscious, but prepared food from a wholesome source versus their own effort, and they choose the prepared source.

Twelve Recipes by Cal Peternell (former Chez Panisse chef) is an excellent choice. He wrote it for his eldest son who was leaving for college, realizing that he’d never taught his kids the basics of cooking. “Peternell focuses on the core foods and dishes that comprise a successful home cook’s arsenal, each building skill upon skill- from toast, eggs, and beans, to vinaigrette’s, pasta and rice, to vegetables, soups, meats, and cake.”
I bought this book for my son, and soon after that got a copy for myself.
My son and daughter are now both excellent, enthusiastic and adventurous cooks!

I was ok with just allowing him to fend for himself until I saw her husband was in the hospital. That is a big red flag that he only thinks of himself. I agree that he is a user. He should be attempting to make her life as easy as he can rather than what he is doing.

As far as the job he has not started it yet. I do wonder at what he actually does around the house. If he has enough money to eat out and a new job after a month her life will be simpler if she asks him to find his own place.

As if that were so easy in these pandemic times, maifleur?

There are serious housing shortages going on in many places, and this past year has left many people short of savings and/or credit, even if they are fortunate enough to receive unemployment.

I didn't see Jane expressing anything about being fed up or tired of her living arrangements with her son. Not every parent wants their offspring out of their home. Many actually enjoy being together.

^^^^^^^^ Yes, I see Jane expressing gratitude for the ways her son has been of service.

Chinacatpeekin, thank you for the cookbook rec. I have ordered it, along with the follow up book.

I think more along the lines of everyone should be able to put enough food together to feed themselves healthily....but of course there are exceptions. We have a friend in his 60's - successful, gracious, kind, never married. He can make a killer clam dip, an enjoyable chili, pasta primavera and of all things - banana bread. Those 4 items just about cover him socially and if he's entertaining more extensively he calls a caterer. Most meals for himself are eaten out or he gets take out. Slim and athletic too, so he's doing well enough he's aging well and really active, tennis, golf etc.

If he can not make the effort to fix a meal why would anyone expect him to continue doing the laundry and cleaning that he is currently doing once he returns to work.

Wow. A USER? UMMMM, he does not demand that his mother cook for him. He does feed himself. He just doesn't COOK. She said SHE did not want him ordering out. SHE insisted that he learn to cook. She is not chained to the stove. Or if she is its with her own lock and key. She has said that he has been a big help around the house with his dad in the hospital. And OP has not mentioned anything that would indicate that he would not do what he doing now after he starts working again. Hopefully he will be back out on his own soon. Cooking is not a joy or an easy task for everyone. You have to figure out what to make, shop, prep, cook, clean and deal with the dishes and the leftovers. It may be everyday for some people but for others if they can afford it and prefer it, ordering in makes more sense. He has made an effort according to the OP, but is uncomfortable and unhappy in the kitchen. Why push that if he does other things around the house? Why does he have to do everything? No one will STARVE if the food is takeout instead of homemade.

Amy, I agree. I think the problem is that some posters here do not read the whole thread and jump in with their advice and criticisms because for whatever reason it struck a chord in them and maybe it’s issues that they personally have.

^^^^^ Yup, lots of projecting. Looking into crystal balls seeing the future, too. Wow.

How about getting some of those delivered meal kits? They have all the ingredients, and instructions with pictures.

My husband and I have tried several companies that we liked when we felt that we were in a "dinner rut."

I was never taught to cook by my parents but I watched them and that's how I learned. My kids must've done the same because I didn't teach them at all. They're both good cooks. I don't know if your son is going to want to bother with learning to cook. At nearly 50 he seems to prefer to order out. Glad he has found another job!

Jane, I don't know about you, but I can get mighty persnickety when people say untoward things about my children. I hope you have not take offense at what people here have conjectured. It's usually more about them than anything else. I hope your husband is doing a bit better and this spring sees improvements for him and your son as he adjusts to a new job and new circumstances.

Thanks Jane -- you are lucky to have your son with you and such a good son too.

Jane, I love how you say your son likes being with you in the kitchen. Boys, men, like doing things together. You son sounds lovely. I am so sorry for how difficult things are with your husband right now. It sounds like he was an amazing, selfless doctor and father.