People aren't usually all good or all bad. With regard to this person, you have discovered a flaw in their character and integrity. It's likely there are other situations where they would justify thieving if it served their goals/purposes to do so whether that's with a friend who has something they want, with their taxes, or with other businesses/organizations. Adjust your trust level and their access to you/your belongings accordingly.

I remember Sharon Osbourne telling a story about having friends over. Then a month later at her B-day party one lady gave her a little 2" collectible silver rabbit riding a bicycle. Sharon collects these. About $350 a piece. She already owned THIS one. When she went over to her shelf....it was gone. Her friend had stolen it, then regifted it to her, thinking she wouldn't notice. She now locks them up.

Apparently stealing is an acceptible thing-to-do ....just not to me. ☺

Our friend Tom is dating a dentist. Her book keeper stole a ton of money. She didn't notice until she was ready to build her dream home and there wasn't any money to build it. She didn't press charges.

Some people just have to have what is not theirs. I have a nephew that was like that. Others just think that they are not valued enough. There are many reasons people take things that are not theirs from gaming to lifestyle or even some that just want to see that they can and it proves they are smarter than everyone. After all why not "they" will not miss it, need it, or are good enough.

I agree with Jewel that people can be bad in some ways, and good in other ways. If they are a really great person in other ways, maybe (to friends) that makes up for them being a thief.

Sometimes people have a flexible relationship with honesty and try to justify theft "because they have so much more than I do", or "they don't pay me enough, so I am going to help myself". Maybe that was the case with your friend.

Kind of depends on the circumstances of the theft(s?), and the person otherwise. I don't think that finding out someone stole something necessarily makes them less good of a person based on that alone. But it would make me pause to re-evaluate where they are in their alignment range. Like if I thought someone was lawful good, maybe they are more neutral or chaotic than I thought. And adjust myself accordingly.

If they were a serial thief, that would make me pause further. If they are participant in gang theft, well.. that is just right out. Not company for me to keep, even if otherwise they are good folk.

I would also pause to consider if that person might have a quirk/problem. Sometimes otherwise good people have a bit of a disorder and steal. That's more of a medical thing than a good or bad person thing.

I'm assuming you must have meant more than pens, or post it pads.

Justifying that would be a problem for me. Being able to forgive, forget is something I have to work on when it comes so easily to DH.

Years ago a woman I worked with embezzled from our business owner. There were three of us sharing an office and I hadn't noticed, seen anything suspect of her altering the books or payments. It was a considerable amount. I felt lied to and cheated for a very long time - when nothing personal had been taken from me. And never again saw or talked to her, other than running into her in a restaurant once and we didn't speak. (my boss declined to press charges in view of her having young school age children at home, settled for partial restitution).

Nope....except I would forgive easily if it was food, etc., because they couldn't

feed their family, etc. Still not right...would prefer they ask for help, but...would

forgive them. I could get away with stealing for, maybe...20 seconds? I

would feel so guilty I would probably blurt out my guilt. Stealing was a

great crime to my Mom..and she let us know in our childhood and would have

backed up the belief with a belt. ;)

Stealing from a workplace is embezzlement.

Are they being prosecuted?

Are you sure they are guilty?

Are you willing to help this person?

I'm not sure what you mean by the phrase "good person". I think it's a nebulous term.

Someone who steals, steals. For me, someone who steals, cheats, or misleads to the point of causing harm to others cannot be trusted. No second chances - one and done.

Life is too short to have to repeatedly deal with or face people who have trouble distinguishing between right and wrong when, as in the case of stealing, the dividing line isn't that hard to see.

It is shocking to think of a friend of yours stealing.

People steal for a variety of reasons. I am not sure of when the switch turns and the stealing starts.

I have a daily news report emailed to me. I was absolutely shocked to open up a shop lifting segment to see a woman I actually knew! Someone of means. Not sure why she needed to steal a $2,000 dress.

I worked in a small office and petty cash was being taken. My boss installed a camera and much to her dismay, it was her own son. In this case, the son wasn't working, didn't have a direction of where he was going. Sad.

One more. This was a babysitter that was used by a neighbor for many years. The babysitter moved on to another household. Her picture turned up in the local paper. She was stealing from her current employer. Big time. I happened to speak to the original neighbor who said that she never stole from her. But, what the babysitter was doing was taking on the upper class life style of the employer. She would go to the country club and invite her family and friends as if she was a member. She bought herself clothing and even went on a trip. The only reason it was discovered was that the couple were getting divorced and the lawyer questioned the missing finances.

It is hard to understand anyone's motives. If it were a close friend I certainly would want to know the motive. I think I would be just as confused as you about my feelings going forward.

Kathy Gifford had an interesting take when her husband was caught cheating on her. "Frank is not a bad person, he just did a bad thing."

No person is all good or all bad. Though I would think much less of a person if I learned they were a thief. Could we still be friends? Probably not. Good relationships are based on trust. How could I trust a thief?

can a good person be a politician?

Les Miserables

There are all kinds of reasons why one would act out of character or against their values that we may not be aware of. Sometimes mental or emotional disorders allow one to engage in aberrant behavior they would not normally consider. So that activity is more a manifestation of an illness rather than being just good or bad

It would depend on the theft but I can see where one might engage in that sort of activity yet still be a basically "good" person.

What I could never trust is someone who lies.

Everybody lies.

( TV series House )

Les Miserables

Thanks, Lucille, that's what I was going to post.

What level of theft are you referring to? A small amount of office supplies? Merchandise? Large amounts of cash?

Sometime people steal for the feeling it gives them. They don't want or need the item, but the thrill of stealing produces a adrenaline high in the moment. It's like an addiction. They crave the high. No it doesn't make them a bad person, just a person who needs help.

Some people steal out of anger. The company doesn't treat me well or pay me much. I deserve something extra. Revenge.

Some people steal out of a sense of honor.

A "friend" nominated me to be treasurer of the honor society in high school. In retaliation I nominated him. Since there were two candidates for the office, the teacher/advisor said we should give campaign speeches.

My speech was "I do not want to be the treasurer. You do not want me to be your treasurer. If you elect me to that position, I will steal money from you."

Even though I voted for the other candidate, I won by one vote. I can honestly say I have upheld every campaign promise I have made. It would have been dishonest and dishonorable to NOT steal from the honor society, after solemnly promising to do so.

One of my kids (who as with all my kids was schooled by me excessively and ad nauseum about the need to always be honest) recommended a friend for a job where they worked, a part time job. By this time, my kid had become a supervisor. The details don't matter but my kid caught the friend stealing money on the job. They confronted them, told them they had betrayed the trust of the employer and my kid (who'd gotten them the job), and that the perp needed to come forward, tell the owner, and return the stolen money. If not, my kid would tell the owner and the kid would surely be fired.

I found out more than a year later when reviewing (at their request) one of this kid's college application essays. I said "why didn't you tell me about this before?". The answer - "you taught me right from wrong, I knew what to do". Talk about a parent's proud moment!

There are many 'depends on' in the question, can a thief be a good person. If a person steals to get things for himself without working for it, that's bad. However, a good person, down on his/her luck can be put in a position of making an unwanted choice. If the choice is steal or not survive, a number of 'good' people would steal. The situation tempers judgement.

I don't agree with you, jemdandy. I don't accept that ethics and values are situationally variable.

I'm not saying that humans always face black and white choices, hardly that. But some things ARE black and white for me -stealing and other dishonesty, lying, betraying a confidence, and more., I don't believe the acceptability of such conduct could possibility vary with the situation or circumstances. Suggesting they are variable can be convenient for some (I don't mean you) when trying to make an excuse for or rationalize something done that can't really be justified. That doesn't cut it for me.

If I’m to judge someone, I would have sympathy with a mother who steals food to feed her children.

In that situation, I'd have more sympathy and concern for the children. They're innocent victims too.

As a mother, if I were that desperate to feed my children, I'd probably ask or beg for food before stealing...or maybe stealing is when the mother has already asked or beg and now forced to steal...possibly. I'm fortunate to have extended family that I could rely on...maybe someone who has no one might be pushed to steal for feed their children but there are resources before getting to that point IMO. As for person in my situation there was no dire, desperate need and no they were not taking office supplies etc. It was money. They made decent money, the spouse made very decent money so there was no NEED.

I'd guess that many thieves agree with that McDonald's pitch about *deserving* the (whatever).

Recently a second Illinois woman was charged with embezzling millions from an employer to buy a horse breeding farm. The first stole $53 million from the town of Dixon over many decades. The second stole $2.4 million from a blasting company over the span of 11 years.

Habitual criminals all believe that if they want something that is all they need to know about the subject - it is a defining characteristic of the criminal mentality. As is a belief that if they are not getting away with something - like in not making a huge score with less effort or outlay than it would take to rake that much money in through legitimate means - then the situation is not right. That such a circumstance is actually improper - due to a sort of skewed sense of ethics, wherein their own sensibilities are offended. In the same manner that a normal person would view instead the commission of a crime.

It is a stretch for a decent person to be a thief. It is remotely possible in some sort of circumstance but remote. So the problem is do you stay friends with a thief? That is the issue here. That is on you unfortunately. I am sorry you have to decide whether or not to stay friends with this thief. I would have a problem but I dont know the circumstances.

we had a friend who passed away a few years ago. He was a thief. We live in a real small town with a little cafe. He would go in there everyday for lunch and sometimes supper too. The had a display of candy bars that you could pick up yourself and he was always taking one and putting it in his pocket. When my DH would see him do it he would tell the owner. He has a daughter who has lost I dont know how many jobs because of stealing and a while ago her brother had to go down to Pierre and get her out of Walmart or jail because she got caught there too. They seem like nice people otherwise. O wait in this town of about 50 we have another one who worked as a secretary at a siding company and got caught embezzling and sat in the pen for it. When she got out she went to work for the same kind of place. She did it again and lost that job too.