Pam, Thanks for asking. This week has been uncomfortable, due to the humidity. I am no longer using the walker except in public. I still fear that I might fall or someone bump me. With out thinking I actually bent over and picked a tooth pick off the floor yesterday. Probably not the thing to do, but I was able to do it. We had a power outage yesterday and now my pc won't start. I am using the laptop, but can't get the outlook express to work on it. I need to call roadrunner, but keep putting it off because my brain is still a bit fuzzy from all the drugs and anesthetic. Or I am just lazy. I went to my son's for Father's day. I told him some FD, he had to drive 45 minutes to pick me up and then 45 back home. My grandson drove me home. It was his first time to drive this far, so I worried until I felt he was home and then called. He said , Yes, grandma, I got home ok." I guess he was a bit put out that I worried. I have to brag on him. His church youth group just got back from a week of working in New Orleans. They did the same thing over spring break.

Lisa, I can see where you are confused. When I said our youngest son "treats us wonderful", I mean he calls every night, he visits frequently, we go out to eat together, he calls when I'm sick, etc. He does things a son should do to show love. Our oldest son seldom calls us, seldom comes to visit, never knows when we've been gone a week on vacation, etc. I should have said he treats "me" wonderful. His dad rarely calls either one of our sons, until I remind him he hasn't called them in months. He doesn't even know our youngest son's home phone number. Maybe this is just a man thing, but something I'm not used to. Re: the one acre. This acre of land was given to our son strictly by me, not my DH. For years, I have asked my DH to sell this big house so we could get out of debt before retirement, and we could pay cash for a nicer/smaller home. We had this one acre to build on. He said he would NEVER build a house on that lot and to never ask him again (we had this land surveyed as two lots and this one acre is a corner lot and he doesn't like corner lots). One day when our youngest son was visiting, I said, "why don't you build on this acre and start building up equity in a home, and quit paying rent?" I was surprised when he later called me and said he did want to build on this acre. Surprised because he left our home because he couldn't get along with his dad (a combination of youth on his part and depression/anger on DH's part). I felt like I was doing something good; to help him get a start in life. I won't even go into the negative comments I have heard from my DH (my son knows nothing about these comments and never will, but I'm sure he knows his dad has said things. He doesn't need to know "words" that would hurt him that come from a mentally ill person. He even asked me not to tell him anything negative his dad said. I know his dad is happy for him, as he walks over to the land daily to see what progress is being made, and today wanted to buy him a refrigerator for his home, and that's a lot of money. (This is what depression does to you; the mood swings. I never know when he's going to have a good day or a bad day). I have learned to realize that a lot of things he says, I know he doesn't mean or doesn't realize what he is saying. I also have learned not to get hurt so much over his words and a lot of times I ignore what he says. How else would I be able to live with him so long? LOL! Re. the comment: "neither one of our sons have a good relationship with their father", that is very true! Neither one of our sons would go to their dad with any problem they have. I don't call that a "good" relationship, do you? A son can treat a parent "wonderful", and still not have a good relationship. By "good" relationship, I mean a "close" relationship. There is no doubt he loves his dad, but the closeness I have with my sons, he doesn't have this. I think this is because of his depression and the mood swings brought on by depression. Re: grandchildren. I don't think I have posted anywhere that I am "without" grandchildren. I would never deny my grandchildren. I may not get to see them much at my house, but I have a 6 yr. old granddaughter and a 15 mo. old grandson. I think you are confused as when I said "I want to build a smaller home and be a grandmother", I meant I will finally get to be a "grandmother" when my youngest son has children, to be able to paint the spare bedroom pink or blue, and put a swing set in my yard. (Of course, all this depends on my DH's behavior; and whether they can even have children. He is real close to his fiance & I see a wedding next year. She is moving to his new home as well.) Last summer we went to one of our granddaughter's ballgames and my DH was going to walk to the concession stand with her. Our DIL pitched a fit and told me "she is NEVER to go anywhere with him!" I felt this very rude, and I don't know who heard her. You could see the concession stand from where we were standing, it was very close. She asked him to go with her to get some bubble gum. In Feb. our youngest son invited me to go the circus with them, as he was taking our granddaughter to the circus. Our son said, Mom, I know you have talked so much about wanting to go to the circus, Barnum & Bailey. I said, sure. When our DIL got to his apartment with our granddaughter, she refused to speak to me! I had done nothing to her. She told our son in the parking lot before they came inside that "she wasn't told I was going". This upset me so much, I couldn't hold the tears back. She stormed in his apartment, totally ignoring me, and they left after she told our son "we will be here to pick her up". I told them "oh, there's no reason for you to have to get out at 12:00. I'll drop her off." I followed them to their car, she got in with our grandson, and I asked my oldest son, "why can't I bring her home?" He just said we'll come get her, and he got in the car and left. He seemed embarassed, and he didn't know what to say to me. He had to do what she said, regardless of who it hurt, and just left me standing there in the parking lot. Since this circus incident, I have not been to their house much. So there is more than one side to all this mess - my DH's depression and behavior and my DIL's control/anger, sometimes unwarranted by both of them, and me just going with the flow. I hope this helps clear up any confusion. I am just trying to live one day at a time, not knowing what tomorrow will bring. I am not unhappy in my marriage as someone has suggested. We have a lot of wonderful days and a lot of good times together. I am unhappy mostly because of this difficult situation and longing to be a grandmother. I just wasn't willing to "give" if they weren't going to "give", but after reading these replies, I don't feel like I have any other choice. Maybe if I give first and show them more love, they will slowly start caring more. All the replies I have received has helped me realize that unless I change myself, I am going to be missing out on a lot of closeness with my grandchildren and I would have no one to blame except myself. There are many days I get off work early and I could head toward my DIL's house. I say I have no hard feelings toward her, but I have a lot of resentment, so I just stay away. My DH works both Sats. & Suns. and I have plenty of time. p.s. I have never asked if I could take our granddaughter to McDonalds or anywhere with just the two of us because I have always felt guilty doing that behind my husband's back, as I know he would never be allowed to do this. I feel like that would be mistreating him by me doing that, so maybe I need to change my way of thinking on this.

That's horrible! I certainly hope the doctor who did the colonoscopy was informed. I don't know why they are building hospitals they way they are these days. Yes, there are elevators to get you to the floor, but now each floor is HUGE. I worked in a hospital that added an enormous pavilion. As part of my job, I went to see certain patients in their rooms (now all private). I would be so tired by the time I got to the rooms at the far end. It was ridiculous. The nurses all complained of exhaustion from having to cover so much territory, too. I don't know what they were thinking when they built that place.

I noticed that you said that if she had Alzheimer's it would have shown up by now. Actually, it and other dementias can show up at any time. Also, dementia can be caused by many things other than Alz. As to wildchild's "no no no," if you feel that in your area the psychiatrists usually handle all the psych issues and that the family doctors would have little/no experience with psych issues, then i have to agree with her. on the other hand, if it's like here (and it doesn't sound like it is as drastic as here since she was able to get an appointment with a psychiatrist once in the past) and the family practice doctors are familiar with psych illnesses, I have to strongly disagree with her. You're going to have to use your judgment, and maybe your SIL has as opinion too. (Just to give you some idea of what would happen here if the family docs didn't treat psych illnesses...I know someone who was in the psych hospital as an outpatient for a week for suicidal ideation (without plan) and under my supervision while not at the hospital. She was seen by the psychiatrist while in the hospital and had her meds adjusted by him. Upon discharge though, she was returned to the care of her family doc who had been managing her meds before. And BTW, I'm pretty sure it wasn't his inappropriate management that landed her in the hospital--I think she was snowing him and the same would have happened with a shrink. As a nurse, I know that her doctor asks the right questions.) So, I just want to try to clarify why I made the suggestion that I did and also to point out that "no no no" is not the right suggestion everywhere either. It may be the right suggestion where she is if there are plenty of shrinks, and thus the family docs there don't have a lot of knowledge/experience with psych illness. It's a judgment call. Unfortunately, a lot of people aren't in a good position to make that kind of judgment. If anyone knows a good psychiatrist who would be interested in living in a rural area of Virginia, please have him/her e-mail me for more information about the area. (It's a wonderful place to live, unless you need a psychiatrist:-) ) I don't think that someone who's been hospitalized _should_ go back into the care of a family doctor, but that's what the patient load of the psychiatrists we have here is like. Sorry to go on so long. I just have to put this out there more for other people who might read it and might live in an area like where I live. And although my opinion is strong, I'm not completely disagreeing with wildchild either. Sarah