We used a Puritan Pine and Provincial mix on Red Oak. Floors downstairs are golden toned, but the floors upstairs appear darker...lighting? I love them! Like the downstairs, too. Hides dirt, scratches from dog, etc..

I only see the mix in the first image. Are these two different rooms? Why not just replace with the dominant specie? In the case o fthe first image, remove the white oak and complete with red oak. You then do not need to worry about matching a stain.

About to refinish our red oak floors and im having such a hard time deciding! ive been leaning towards aged barrel. it is beautiful in the above pics, but I’m hopinh it isnt too dark. my stair treads are black, and i want a good contrast. the wood is also in the kitchen and kitchen will be all white. opinions, please please!

I don't think you will be able to get that light look consistently with red and white oak. You probably need to go with a medium neutral stain on all floors, one that has green tones in it. Green is the complement to red/pink, and mixing complementary colors neutralizes them. I've had success with Special Walnut stain throughout my home. The floors in the original (1920s) part of the home are oak, not sure if red or white. The new white oak floors in the kitchen were installed in 2014; all are stained special walnut. Here is a photo of the transition area between dining room (above the saddle) and kitchen (below the saddle). The color is not too dark and not too light. Depending on the light it can look warmer or cooler. It's my "go-to" color for me and my clients for many years.