Sounds to me like you are definitely a cottage gardener. My feeling is that being a cottage gardener is as much a state of mind as the actual gardens. Our gardens reflect ourselves and the plants we can grow in our areas. Slightly disorganized, plants for birds and butterflies and a few simple hardscaping like a birdbath and seating area all add to the vision of a cottage garden. The thread posted is a very good one. The bottom line is don't let anyone dictate what you NEED in order to be a cottage gardener and have fun :) ..... Lynne

It will be a carnosa, no doubt. Susan, your Hoya is tolerant of low light conditions. That is to say, it will not die in your vampire abode. However, it will stop blooming, because it does very much prefer high light conditions. You basically have two options. You can either give it the best light you've got, sticking it RIGHT up against the window, and be content with its pretty leaves, or you can get some kind of grow light to supplement what you have naturally available. Other general care instructions are that carnosa likes to dry out between waterings. You'll want to water it until the water runs out the bottom, whenever you can stick your finger in a couple inches and it feels dry. It's best to err on the side of watering it too little than too much. It is a myth that Hoyas do not like to be fertilized and prefer to be neglected. The common species are just tough, so in other words, do feed it. ^_^ When you repot it, which should be done periodically when the soil is draining too fast or the plant just seems less enthusiastic than usual, try to use a chunky mix. Most people here use a blend of peat, bark, and perlite. You're so very lucky to have inherited a beautiful heirloom plant. It is not a difficult Hoya to grow, so relax and experiment and I'm sure you two will be bonded in no time.

Kay, how are you? I haven't been around for a while, I had to take a break and get myself together. To everyone I want to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss and sadness, it is the worst pain anyone can have BUT it does get better, I promise. My heart and soul mate died 14 months ago and I wanted to die with him, I was in so much pain and so scared of what was going to happen to me without him; life must go on. I was told that it doesn't get better but it gets different and they were right. I still weep and some days are bad but I have more good days as time goes on. Life won't seem so alien after a while, I just felt like I didn't belong here any more, not in my home, my job or this world but I did finally settle with my feet back on the ground. It's not easy but you have to push youself to live and it eventually gets easier. Please take care of yourselves, get help if you need it and work hard at being strong, we will never forget and we will always love them and happier days are ahead. God Bless all, Mav.

I honestly give you much credit for realizing that at age 19 you are basically a maid and babysitter. Some SMs have been put in that position for years and years before having an epiphany. And, sadly, even now society in general tends to think that is SMs role--to suck it up and take it. No. It is not SMs role to take on the burden of someone else' divorce and take care of their child for them while they are off doing their thang. I always say, two people with children can't live together, get divorced, and the ones to suffer the most wind up being their children and the people they go on to remarry (or get involved with). Step-parenting only works if you have the support of the bios--both your DH and bio-mom. I also always say, manipulative, controlling BM and weak, enabling DH = step hell. But, you already have an advantage in realizing this at age 19. Others above have given good advice. Just remember, you DON'T have to suck it up and take it.