Arkansas girl, I did the opposite! I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a year. She commented that she'd be glad when the baby came. I asked when she was due. Next week!

This was an interesting post. I apparently missed an earlier post that caused Moni to start this thread. It never would occur to me that someone might be offended if I asked where they were from, accent or not. I am from an Italian family and some of my older relatives (now deceased) spoke with accents. I find it fascinating to listen to someone speaking with an accent. Im sorry Moni that you feel uncomfortable with this and you have given me something to think about.

I don't really agree with Elmer about it being like someone asking about a birthmark. I think one could feel uncomfortable about having a physical blemish but really don't equate that with speaking with an accent.

Lukki Irish, that is it. It does make one feel, like one hasn't tried hard enough... like it's a flaw... that no matter, one stands out. Tell your husband, I understand.

Jupidupi, I never said, it was insulting. It just hits a raw nerve, telling me, I am flawed.

Moni... who now wishes, she could turn of commenting, like one can on facebook.

My parents, British colonials with very strong accents, moved to this country during WWII and never lost them. When my sibs and I were growing up, we used to joke with friends that the gentleman who sometimes answered the phone and with that very strong accent was our English butler! It kinda fit with the larger, older home we lived in in a neighborhood of typical post WWII ranches. We got lots of mileage out of that one :-)

I loved that my parents had very distinct accents. It made them quite unique compared to our friends' families and something to be celebrated, not hidden or hushed up or disguised.

I don’t think (at least in my husband’s situation) that offended is the right term, I think it’s better described at uncomfortable.

I also don’t think the way that the question makes people feel is “one size fits all”. I’ve always felt sad that in many ways, my husband’s accent ended up forcing him to loose his voice. Rather than to speak his mind he just stayed quiet because he was that uncomfortable with it.

Satine100, When you look at the unaccepting way many people respond to immigrants these days I think that for many, questioning them about where they are from kind of bypasses the idea that it’s an innocent question and instead it hits a target they may feel they have on their back. Again, my husband was from Moscow. He defected in the mid 80’s while it was still communist. Even after all these years he was still fearful so when people asked him where he was from it really wasn’t taken as kindly as it was probably intended.

Asking someone you don’t know something as simple as where they’re from may seem innocent to the person asking, but again, that doesn’t require the recipient to feel the same way. iMO, it’s kinder to compliment someone on their accent or how good their English is then to inquire about things you really don’t need to ask. BTW, any time I’ve ever complimented someone on their English, they’re entire face has lit up with delight.

This is such an interesting discussion. All the relatives I grew up with, except for my father, had an accent, and all were multilingual. One close friend of mine had an Israeli mother, and another had a French father. It was the kids with many-generations-old American families who were the exception in my world. I love accents, and trying to figure out where people are from (although I very rarely ask.)

Moni, as you can see by the responses, it’s a really enlightening topic and educating. Most people don’t know until they know.

Well, just as Elmer mentioned, I was born with a large birthmark on my chin! After 60+ years I am still sensitive about it. Just imagine.. I would much rather be called out about an accent.

It's pretty sad that anyone in our Nation of Immigrants would have a problem with people not born here! Unless you are Native American, you're not 'from here' either.

But, everything is relative (pun intended), and provincialism is real.

My DM lived in Rhode Island from the time she could remember until she married and moved to the Midwest. However...she was born in NYC, unlike *true* Rhode Islanders, whose ancestors had claimed land in the 18th Century. And *that* pales beside people outside of the US whose ancestry fades into the mist of time within the same 20 square mile territory. (Don't you wonder about who left and who never budged, and why -- even given primogeniture?)

I was surprised to find that 'the other' exists in Hawaii, where it appears on the surface that all ethnic shapes, sizes and skin colors are 'ohana' (family). A lady I met said her grandparents (native Hawaiian) had a fit when she married a man whose family had come to the islands from Japan -- generations earlier!

How someone feels about a personal comment about them is going to be as wide and varied as there are people on planet earth.

I understand sometimes people mean no offense and yes that sometimes mitigates it - but if you are someone who often gets comments about a distinguishing feature....it gets old.

I've made it a point to be very careful with comments about someone's personal appearance, until/unless I get to know them and know where the lines are.

It's along the lines of being really tall, or really short. The comments are endless. It gets very tedious. The same holds true if something about you looks "different", or you sound "different." Even comments which may be intended to be positive also subtly remind you that you're still "different."

It's hard to explain unless you've lived it.

Many years ago, I dated a Chinese guy who had moved to the U.S. as a teenager. His English was excellent, but he his accent was so heavy that I sometimes had trouble understanding him. At first I felt bad about asking him to repeat things, sometimes more than once. But he told me that he liked it when I asked, because it showed that I was really interested in what he had to say. He much preferred being asked to repeat himself than having the listener just nod and pretend that they understood. These days, my hearing isn't as sharp as it once was. I don't think people are thrilled at having me ask them to repeat what they said. But I'm still interested.

One of my favorite uncles-in-law was British, educated and working in London. He spent a couple of years as an automotive engineer in Detroit. One day he was at a gas station there, filling up and tending to his car. The attendant was helping him and asked him, "So where are ya from?" Uncle Max replied that he was from England. "Yeah," sez the guy, "I thought ya spoke kinda broken."

BTW, speaking of other languages, I actually post here as Sable; yesterday the GW had some kind of glitch and produced a username I'd considered 12 - 15 years ago, in honor of my mother, who was Czech - Praha, the Czech pronunciation of Prague, capital of the Czech Republic. I don't know how this happened and so far have not been able to correct it! So annoying...

Sable, aka Praha

A few months after moving to Continental Europe, I had a business trip back to the US to a conference that was at a large airport hotel of a major Midwestern city. I had a shopping list of "supplies" we'd failed to accumulate before moving, and the last two items on the list were 3 bottles of Tequila (not easily found where we were at the time but findable now) and several packages of Pepto Bismol. One evening, I took a taxi to a nearby K-Mart for my shopping (which because of the airport proximity I would call as being a suburban or less enlightened location and certainly not urban.)

It was fairly late in the evening and the store was quiet. I approached the checkstand. The cashier looked at the items and said "You know, if it upsets your stomach, maybe you shouldn't drink Tequila".

I chuckled and said "No, these don't go together. Two separate things, used at different times.

C- "That's a lot of Tequila, having a party? And a lot of Pepto Bismol, is someone that sick?"

Me- " No, this is a supply for many months. These products aren't sold where I live"

C- "Huh, where can't you buy Tequila and Pepto Bismol"

Me - "I live in Europe. I know they have their own stomach products but I like Pepto Bismo"

C- "You live in Europe"

Me - "Yes"

Some discussion ensued that displayed her lack of worldliness and it came to

C " You really don't live in the US?"

Me - "No, I really don't"

C, leaning over towards me and whispering "Can I say something personal?"

Me "Sure"

C " You really speak English well"

Me, after really losing it for about 10 seconds and barely able to speak "Thanks, I've been practicing"

C - "Well, you keep practicing. You're doing really well".

Me, just to egg her on - "Could you say that again more slowly please, I didn't understand what you said through your accent."

Et cetera.

A true story that I still enjoy sharing.

LOL Proper enunciation is a thing. It's work for our brains to sort it all out when it is outside what we usually hear. As a school speech clinician I spent years helping students learn to communicate. After all the point of talking is COMMUNICATION. It's just a fact when conversation is a struggle due to the listener or the speaker people are less likely to bother. It's FABULOUS that ya'll always have an infinitesimal amount of time to struggle through as people with less than clear diction attempt to get their thoughts across. To assume everyone has the patience let alone time is just not reality. It's also a learned trait--sorting out the miss pronounced sounds and playing detective deciding which sound they are attempting (Our brains are a marvelous computer but not all of us have the same amount of RAM). Same can be said for the rearranged sentence or paragraph structure that is also different in different dialects. I had a professor in college I could BARELY understand. It was irritating knowing he has been an English speaker longer than I and he had made such little progress--especially when I know improvement can be achieved.

Some people can improve, some really truly can't. I can't roll an "r" to save my life, which limits a proper accent in many languages (thankfully, not in English). I also cannot whistle or curl my tongue. Mom tried to teach me when I was little, my teachers tried when I took language classes in high school, and more recently I looked up youtube videos and tried to teach myself. But nope, can't do it. I think it's a physical thing.

While you're out there insisting that everyone would speak accentless English so you don't have to waste your valuable time trying to understand them, arcy, I should point out that this

"It's FABULOUS that ya'll always have an infinitesimal amount of time"

should be (since I took a little extra time to work out what you might be trying to COMMUNICATE)

"It's FABULOUS that ya'll always have an infinite amount of time"

"Infinitesimal" means "an indefinitely small quantity; a value approaching zero", the tiniest possible amount. Sounds more like _you_ always have an infinitesimal amount of time to spend comprehending what others are trying to say to you.

Which says much about you...

I meet a lot of people at my job. Sometimes if I detect an accent I ask about it, but not always depending if I'm busy or not. But I'm not going to do that anymore, seems more people are bothered by it than not. I ask because I'm curious why anyone would move to northern Wisconsin, where the winters are brutal.

My DH is Chinese, and came here as a teenager. His education in Bio-Medical Engineering came from our country's top rated university, which required a high degree of proficiency in reading and writing English. While accented, his English is very clear and perfectly understandable. Personally, it would sound strange to me if he woke up some day and had no accent at all.

DH is not easily offended if anyone misconstrues his accent as an indication that he must be a newer immigrant, and might not have a good grasp of English. We do live in Canada's most ethnically diverse city, so it's not a totally surprising assumption. He's just patient if they speak more slowly to him, then watches their expression change, when they hear his well developed vocabulary and obvious educated response. When he went back to China to visit family a few years ago, they thought his Chinese sounded like it was spoken with a 'North American' accent. So it's all subjective, lol!

And also, Sleeper, it can be a conversation starter. “You’re from Costa Rica?!”

I love Costa Rica and love talking about it.

@OklaMoni said, "Martha from Argentina and I really cringe when we are told, Oh, I like your accent.... where are you from. Really, all we want is to be accepted as an American... without having to explain anything."

Moni, I am sorry that you have to endure something that obviously causes you so much distress. But, please, step back for a moment and try to look at it from a different perspective.

Here in the USA, there are many different regional accents. People from Maine sound distinctly different than people from Georgia, or from Minnesota, or New York, etc. It is not uncommon for people who were born and raised in the United States to be asked where they are from, when folks are trying to pinpoint their accent. And, I understand there are many, many different accents in Germany, so this sort of thing must happen there, too.

Perhaps you could consider doing this.... when someone comments on your accent and asks you where you're from, simply say, "I am an American but I spent the first 18 years of my life in Germany." That lets the person know where your accent is from and also that you are an American. You don't even need to say (although you can if you want to) that you were born in Germany. American military have been in Germany for a long time so there have been many people born to American families while living in Germany.

Moni, I am very sorry questions about your accent affect you like they do. And, I am really surprised that questions about an accent are offensive, or objectionable, or tiresome, or whatever else has been mentioned above. I had no idea! I have very rarely asked anyone about their accent, but those I have asked have always responded in a way that made me think they were happy I asked, and happy to have an excuse to talk about their background.

My dad was in his 20's when he came here from Germany. And he always had an accent, although none of us (family) really noticed it much, or gave it much thought, it was just how he talked. Nor do I remember if he was ever asked much about his accent, or what his feelings would have been if he had been. What I do remember is 2 men, nicely dressed in black suits, knocked on our door one afternoon. We had only recently moved to a farm, and my dad was still working in the city during the week. So it was just my mother, my brother and me there. These 2 men came into the house, and demanded to know where we kept Hitler's picture. They asked me ( I was all of about 4 years old) how many times a day we had to salute the picture and repeat 'Heil Hitler'. My mother literally came unglued and all but physically shoved them out the door. Now THAT was something to get upset about! ! !

That German accent made life very difficult during the depression, and even more so during WWII. Not just for my Dad, but for my mother and siblings, too, and none of us had accents. And to this day, I love to hear a German accent.

Rusty

I'm really quite astonished so many of you think your personal experiences and feelings about something that someone has clearly said she finds to be annoying have any relevance to her at all. She doesn't have to justify her feelings and her attitude about her repeated annoyances doesn't need to be how you think it should be.

"It hits a raw nerve, telling me I'm flawed" I just want to say, Moni, you are far from flawed!

Speaking for myself, I find accents, be they regional or from another country, charming.

This was an interesting thread to me because I had always assumed that those with accents who live here knew how much we (or should I say, I for one,) enjoy their accents, and that there is some envy and admiration involved on our side. After all, they speak at least two languages and that is to be much admired. You've opened my eyes, Moni. I'm utterly charmed by accents but now I know some feel it sets them apart. I've always enjoyed discovering differences in people but I didn't look at it from the other side. Thank you.

Moni, you kindly shared with us how (and why) you do mind being asked about your accent. "Really, all we want is to be accepted as an American... without having to explain anything." I'm quite certain everyone here, who has 'known' and liked you for many years, supports your personal feelings. As one never knows how an individual feels when any attention is made about their accent, even in the form of a compliment, your suggestion to just 'not ask' is valued and appreciated, and we're grateful you shared your viewpoint with us.

Elmer, I'm in total agreement with your comment (referring to Moni) "She doesn't have to justify her feelings and her attitude about her repeated annoyances doesn't need to be how you think it should be." No one should ever be made to think they have to validate how they feel. But with all due respect, I'm not understanding the reasoning behind your first sentence,"I'm really quite astonished so many of you think your personal experiences and feelings about something that someone has clearly said she finds to be annoying have any relevance to her at all."

Moni shared that "I honestly don't know any others, from other countries, that don't mind the statement and question: "You have such a beautiful accent. Where are you from?" So those of us who are from another country or have a spouse or parent from another country, felt welcome to respond, by sharing their loved one's experience, living in North America, with a distinctive 'foreign' accent. Some have similar feelings as Moni, some do not. But in a 'discussions' forum, it shouldn't be astonishing or not relevant, to share experiences about the same topic, whether they match the OP's experience or not.

SO has a barely noticeable accent. He came here from elsewhere for his undergraduate studies. I have heard him "escape" the question, i.e., "You have an accent. Are you from Minnesota?" Answer, "Something like that." He just doesn't want to have to recite his life story to everyone who is curious.

That's it exactly sealavender. :) I have learned to give nonanswers myself and that works most of the time.

I don't know the origin of this post, but it seems to be that some feel offended when they are asked questions about their cultural/ethic origins. Most people do not mean anything offensive or derogatory when asking it at all. Some may be more, or less, diplomatic about asking it, and some may be more, or less, welcoming to answer it.

It seems that it has become a labored point and some refer to it as being an act of "micro-aggression".

That is an unfortunate and largely unfair assumption to make of most who asks such questions of another who is obviously different in speech or habit.

One thing that may be worth keeping in mind is that you may hear the question asked of you over and over, but for the person doing the asking, this is the first time that they asked you that. It is understandable that you would be weary of answering, and surely you must be waiting and anticipating the question.

People in some professions find that they get the same old tired jokes and questions from clients and customers. They have heard the same thing over and over, but that person making the comment has not.

I disagree with the notion that is akin to asking about a missing limb or a large burn scar. I would bet that you may get asked more often about where you have come from than would someone with an obvious physical difference be asked about that.

Moni, you are living in Oklahoma. That is not a hot spot of acceptance of folks from other backgrounds. They are a pretty much closed society there. I know. I have family relations around there. They are still suspicious of my husband who is of Italian heritage. He is way too dark and our name ends in a vowel and they are quick to let you know how they feel about "mixed races".

I could not believe that the Hmongs that were integrated into this country some time ago were actually placed in Oklahoma! Yeah, I have heard all of the hateful comments and attitudes towards those people.

I don't know how it is you got to Oklahoma, or from where you came, but you are not in a welcoming place for someone who "don't talk normal".

I have read some of the articles written by people who feel this a micro-aggression and that is quite unfortunate and, often unfair to the one who is asking. However, you ARE in a hotbed of conservative ideas and attitudes that does not often partake of inclusion.

Our daughter in law is from China. Her English is very good and she has lived here for more of her life than she lived in China. Her spoken English is better than is her writing.

l wish this country would stop dancing to the tune of a politically motivated division. We are not that old a nation, to be denigrating more recent 'immigrants' -- as though we were all rooted here, and as if these people are not contributing mightily to our country.

I'd though we were *over* such antiquated ideas of isolationism and imagined 'purity'. It has also surfaced when we were at war. The father of my DM's first beau had been chief among the Kaiser's horse trainers before he emigrated from Germany prior to WWI. He had a prosperous riding academy outside of Providence and was married to one of the local socialites. He committed suicide after being hounded out of business by ignorant townspeople -- because he was German.

My DH is an adoptee. Catholic Charities deliberately changed the ethnicity of his birthfather *to* German (rather than Italian) when he was born. It was more 'acceptable' then, and he was a 'blond and blue' baby, not *swarthy*! (Just one of many lies from adoption agencies over many years.)

I can’t recall ever asking someone about their accent, or even where they are from I don’t think twice about accents. Over the last couple of years I’ve been learning Spanish on my phone. I thought it might be useful because there is a good number of people in this area who don’t speak English. It might come in handy. I have the upmost respect for anyone learning another language. It’s not easy. I do lessons every day and still have much to learn. Who cares if someone has an accent? I haven’t read the original thread, but I consider you more patriotic and American because you chose to be here. You are certainly not flawed. You are brave to have made the decision to come to a different country and become a citizen.

"But in a 'discussions' forum, it shouldn't be astonishing or not relevant, to share experiences about the same topic"

Yes, but. My comments weren't about people just sharing experiences but rather so many suggesting everyone should be the same. Most of those "shared experiences" had the tone of "husband is from Outer Slobovia and has no problem being asked about his heavy accent and peculiar clothing, it shouldn't bother you."

"I never said, it was insulting. It just hits a raw nerve, telling me, I am flawed."

I truly do not understand why you think someone asking about the origin of your accent is telling you that you are flawed. It simply means that the person who is asking does not recognize your accent and wonders where it is from. Don't read more into it.

"l wish this country would stop dancing to the tune of a politically motivated division."

I don't think this is the reason. I think what Moni encounters has a lot to do with what dallasannie explained, living near and encountering provincial (not conservative) unworldly people. The ethnicities of the area were historically stable and besides the status quo of oppression and bigotry, not practiced by everyone, of whites vs Native Americans, blacks, etc,, someone different in some way needed to be identified. Her annoying encounters are with strangers, not friends or relatives.

Where there's diversity - as in large urban centers, important university communities, etc, (which describes where I've always lived) such questions would be viewed as extremely rude and are almost NEVER asked. To me, it's as invasive and rude as asking a stranger how much they earn annually. Hmm, none of your business. I'm unemployed. As with "I'm from Oklahoma".

Done.

"I truly do not understand why you think someone asking about the origin......"

Voila, this is exactly what I was talking about. But in these words are something I can agree with - the writer of this phrase truly doesn't understand.

Elmer just knocked it out of the park - I can't explain it better myself. :)

Very nicely done Mr. Fudd.

...I think what Moni encounters has a
lot to do with what dallasannie explained, living near and encountering
provincial (not conservative) unworldly people. The ethnicities of the
area were historically stable and besides the status quo of oppression
and bigotry, not practiced by everyone, of whites vs Native Americans,
blacks, etc,, someone different in some way needed to be identified. Her
annoying encounters are with strangers, not friends or relatives.

Where there's diversity - as in large urban centers, important
university communities, etc, (which describes where I've always lived)
such questions would be viewed as extremely rude and are almost NEVER
asked. To me, it's as invasive and rude as asking a stranger how much
they earn annually. Hmm, none of your business. I'm unemployed. As with
"I'm from Oklahoma".

Done.

Moni (if you are still reading this), I think you must be very proud to be from Oklahoma, or else you would not call yourself Oklamoni. It is a very catchy name - as it sounds like Oklahomi, but with the "m" in a different place - very clever.

Chisue:

"I'd though we were *over* such antiquated ideas of isolationism and imagined 'purity'"

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I don't think in any way this just evolved recently, but rather that there has been a concerted effort by a certain party to divide us. Much more economic power can be had by the few at the top, that way.

Eta, it frustrates me that credit is not being given where credit is due. ^

I have wanted nothing but to fit in, since 1972.

It just hits a raw nerve, telling me, I am flawed.

OTOH, if you were a native Oklahoman...

You would have an Oklahoma accent. And anytime you trod outside the state, some people would remark 'You're not from around here, are you?'

And some people would assume that because you had a Southern accent that you were dim-witted & uneducated, a Bible-thumping racist, derivative of Hatfield-McCoy clan warfare.

But mostly, people would think you were a bit unique and inquire because they are just curious. And a lovely conversation with a total stranger would end up brightening your day.

I spent part of my youth & young adulthood in Oklahoma. Southeastern, north central, northwest & far northwest parts of the state. Growing up in a small farming community, I heard Dutch accents, German accents, even Middle Eastern (Syria) accents. As well as Native American (Plains Indians) distinctive style of speech. Later, during the Oil Boom years particularly, accents from all over the place--foreign and US accents. And always some Asians in the mix.

Interesting factoid is that 1 in 8 Oklahomans have German ancestry, making it the largest minority group (even larger than American Indian) in the state. Because of how land was distributed in a large part of the state--the land runs--people of different backgrounds were more widely dispersed. Oklahoma didn't end up with enclaves--compared to large German settlements like in Texas Hill Country. Yet, there is a small town near one where I lived that had a significant number of Germans. Farmers. And, back in the day, yes, they spoke with an accent. Voices that prevailed into the 1960's. Of course, those original & first generation immigrants are gone now. And, I've been gone from OK for a long while, too, so I don't know what you hear there now.

So, it could be that some of the inquisitive are asking to verify and that just maybe you are a long lost cousin from across the water.

Speaking as someone who have moved around a fair bit, domestically, and whose husband is a native Oklahoman, whatever accent you have acquired travels with you. Goes with the territory. All that matters is that you're OK with where you are right now. You are not 'flawed'; that's something that is in your head. You are a bit unique, which is cool and way better than being a clone!

@Elmer J Fudd said, "But in these words are something I can agree with - the writer of this phrase truly doesn't understand."

OK, elmer, please tell me how someone asking another person where their accent is from is telling the person with the accent that they are flawed.

The answer to your question can be found in words you quoted above in one of YOUR OWN EARLIER POSTS, for gosh sakes. Are you paying attention?

Cil antro, I've been informed that such a lovely conversation with an inquisitive stranger can become burdensome when multiplied over time, particularly for a person who is by nature introverted and private about his life.

elmer - Moni claims that someone asking about her accent equates to telling her that she is flawed. I don't understand or agree with that. You seem to agree with it, and I asked you how you think someone asking another person where their accent is from is telling the person with the accent that they are flawed. You haven't answered that question. Don't attempt to throw my words back at me. I asked you a question. If you are unable to come up with an answer, be man enough to say so.

There is not one single person in this entire world who can speak, that can speak without an accent. EVERYONE has an accent depending upon to whom they are speaking, or where they are speaking. I can say, "I don't have an accent," but if I were to be speaking to Australians or to Irish (who also speak English as their main language), they would claim that I do have an accent. If I go back to New York, or to Maine, or to Minnesota, and speak to locals, they would say I have an accent. So, I would have an accent, but I would not be flawed.

Moni is expressing how she feels when asked about her accent. I don't think she is flawed or does not fit in, but that is how she feels and feelings aren't right or wrong. They just are.

Again — yes, I know Moni has expressed how she feels. What I wonder is why she feels FLAWED. By simply being asked where her accent is from.

" I don't understand or agree with that."

That you don't understand something that's been said repeatedly is puzzling but clear. Why you think this is something you need to agree with isn't immediately obvious but why it doesn't matter has also been explained repeatedly.

Please be polite and stop pinging up this thread. I'll do my part in that regard.

“What I wonder is why she feels FLAWED. By simply being asked where her accent is from.”. Because as Moni said, she just wants to fit in and not be perceived as “different”. When people ask about her accent, the subtext is, “You’re different”. I get that. When I moved to Australia, I quickly picked up an Australian accent because I didn’t want the other kids teasing me for being different.

There is not one single person in this entire world who can speak, that can speak without an accent. EVERYONE has an accent depending upon to whom they are speaking, or where they are speaking. I can say, "I don't have an accent," but if I were to be speaking to Australians or to Irish (who also speak English as their main language), they would claim that I do have an accent. If I go back to New York, or to Maine, or to Minnesota, and speak to locals, they would say I have an accent. So, I would have an accent, but I would not be flawed.

No matter how anyone tries to explain it, some people just DON’T SEEM TO GET IT...Why is the idea of not prying so difficult to understand? Why do some of you feel you have the right to intrude? And yes, that’s exactly how some feel about it.

Regarding the word “flawed”, when your speaking a language that’s not native to you, one can really struggle to find the perfect word to explain something. Maybe flawed was the only word Moni could come up with at that moment. Irregardless, you can’t tell her what she should or should not be feeling. Why can’t you just accept what Moni is trying to say with a little grace and let it go?

Someone said this up thread and it pretty much nails it, it’s like asking someone how much they earn or to kiss and tell. Geeze...

Lindsey, are you being deliberately obtuse? The issue is not what KIND of accent the speaker has, but that it is DIFFERENT from the local norm. And the subtext of “where are you from?” boils down to “you’re not one of us”. And that makes Moni feel “lesser than”, or “flawed”.