I’m so sorry for hers and your loss. :(

When my DH passed, the best gift I got was food. People sent meals (all I had to do was heat up ... store bought), food baskets, etc and it helped so much when I didn’t have the strength to make something. I can’t stress enough how much spousal loss grief renders you nearly unable to do the most minor things, including cooking and eating. Cooking is especially tough because you make things they loved and it’s brutal ..... as you stand there chopping and stirring something you shared so often, and that they’ll never eat again. So getting a ready made meal was extremely helpful, had no memories attached, and was easy when your brain isn’t working quite right.

I agree with Fun2BHere. When my father died last month, we each received a few flower arrangements and some meals but what we valued most and far above all else were the memories people shared ... and the donations, in his name, to a program that he was involved with for over 30 years. I felt they both honored his life and the person he was.

I want to add-- don't discount the value of special memories. We had a private family mass and burial this past weekend and i found it so much harder and somewhat hollow not to have friends and extended family there to honor his life and share memories. I think it would be nice if you could send a note to let her know you'll be thinking of her-- and uncle B on that day.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Jinx, I can't even imagine the pain you went through during that time, especially being young. I'm wondering if age makes a difference regarding meals? I hope you're doing better emotionally, I have a good friend in her mid-30's who lost her husband last year due to a freak accident. She's still in shock, having a little one too.

I love the card and letter idea. Should the letter be typed or written by hand since it will be at least a full page long? We haven't seen him since DH's mom died about 7 years ago, she was Uncle B's sister.

The first memory our boys have is hilarious but not sure if it should be included. Uncle B flew here alone to visit family and he took the time to drive all the way to our house, and we had a great picnic outdoors under a big tree. The boys were around 7 and 10, and they immediately took to Uncle B. All of a sudden Uncle B pulled out a wad of bills and handed some to each boy. You'd have thought Santa had dropped from the sky!

DS1 named his son after Uncle B, but used his middle name instead, so that money must have meant a lot. lol

I love this story. You'll figure out Uncle B's name. Shortly after the boys met their Uncle B and got rich that same day, DH, the boys and I were driving somewhere and a song came on the radio. At the same time we all sang this part, and to this day we start singing it out of the blue when we're together.

"Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie and the Jets, jets jets!" Love that memory!

If you have nice penmanship then write it out, if not (like me) type it—you want her to be able to read it.

Relay the wad of bills story, your son naming his son after him, and you all singing Bennie and the Jets just like you wrote here—-she will love it.

A meaningful letter now is a wonderful idea. A gift or donation can follow later if you decide.

The letter is a good idea bit I would also make a donation (in his name) to some sort charity, etc. Perhaps relating to his illness or something he participated in. I always do this instead of flowers. Perhaps a charity is mentioned in his obit.

When my father passed away last summer, his cousin sent me a lovely letter, telling me a story about an experience they had. I treasure it. He had typed it but signed it, put a stamp on it, all the things that make it special now.

We received many donations, but among the nicest was covering a grant request at one of Dad’s charities. Wow.

I received some very thoughtful gifts when my mother died recently -a flowering bush to plant in her memory, a donation to a food bank, etc. But honestly, the one that touched me the most was a letter from my old high-school boyfriend, whom I haven't spoken to in more than thirty years. He took the time to write about some very specific memories he had of my mom while spending time at our house all those years ago, and I was deeply touched. You may be able to put together a SNAPFISH (or other) small book with pictures and text of some of your favorite memories. To me, that would be a very special gift.

When I was little, and a gift for my mother or someone else was due, and my allowance didn't cover buying something, Mother would say "A gift from the heart means more than a gift from the purse."

That is so true Sushi, but Oakley has already mentioned an amount she is prepared to spend. What better way to honor someone than to help others?

Oakley, I totally agree that foods would be the ideal gift for your aunt. We’ve been extremely impressed and thoroughly happy with the foods we’ve gotten from this online place, Mackenzie Limited. Excellent quality. Great and varied selection. Delicious foods. If you’d like to check out their website it is:

mackenzieltd.com

Thanks, Lynn! I've been busy today so I haven't made a decision yet. I'll take a look right now!

I am sorry for your loss, Oakley.

If you have any photos of family and your children with him in it, she would love them, I'm sure. Tie it up in a sweet little box with some flowers attached. I've done it and, every time, the receiver was thrilled.