got to hear the urologist explain the procedure and alternatives if it's not what they think - or more complex, he sounds competent and confident which makes me happy. Plus I rode up in the elevator with him and he said he liked my flowers [white and pink carnations for MOm :)] good sign to meet him first I think. Saw the D.O. who is such an optimist and has known my family for 35 yrs. Still waiting to hear how it went but at least I saw Mom today. Thanks for the continued support, it's meant alot. Still need a nap though lol.

Thanks for asking. He's home & trying to work. He's a rep for a large medical equipment company & works from a home office. Using his laptop is difficult & slow. He's frustrated but his attitude is great. The pain is variable. Sometimes, it hurts sending jolts up his arm & burning but other times it feels numb. He says I don't want to see it &, for now, I'm taking him at his word! He was at the doctor's first thing this morning & I haven't heard from him yet... The kids seem to be settled down. My GD (age 8) is playing nurse wanting to take his temperature & "help" change bandages. :) They moved a couple days after Christmas & not all of the kid's toys are unpacked. She spent half a day in the basement rummaging for her nurse kit. How cute is that?! Her oldest brother wants just Dad to read his bedtime stories & turns the pages for him. Sam (just turned 3 April 1) just points & says, "Pappa has a boo-boo". Kids are amazing. /tricia

I double your yipee!!! I am set to see my onc Thurs. All the good docs are booked out a month. Don't know why the surgeons don't get the referrals started day after surgery. I was going to ask but onc offices said they could get me in quickly depending on urgency. The one I am seeing managed to get me in quickly, kinda held the spot for me. You really do attract more bees with honey than lemon. My dh is going to ask the top doc where he works what he thinks about my case and my onc's recommendations. I will also get a second opinion too. I also know a head onc nurse who I will ask about my second opinion doc. All the docs I am looking at were awarded Top Docs by their peers in recent years. It really helps to ask around. Also, my dh has come up with some really great things to discuss with my docs. Because my dh is also a microbiologist he sees things from a biological prospective also, not just as a treater. He combed my pathology report way closer than my surgeon did. That could be because only certain parts applied to her and my onc will go over the rest, but it would have been important stuff to point out to a patient not fortunate enough to have a dh like mine. Once again, advice to others "go over everthing and ask what everthing means." Coordinating care is so hard. At work we use nurse case managers. When I had a guy who could not see his doc for a month, my nurse got him in the next day. But when I need to set my own appt it takes forever. My dh is my designated hitter when I have problems. It helps. I ran into issues with my insurance. They sent my referral to a facility which my doc does not even work at. My surgeon gave them mis information but they never bothered to make sure they were sending it to the right place. We immediately called ins (dh had to interceed) and explain to them how they did it wrong. That was Friday. This morning my doc still did not have my referral. Talk about a pain. I had to have my surgeon's scheduler (the problem person) redo the referral. Luckily she is on the ball this time so I should be set to go. I have been checking out some sites to see what I am really heading into. A chemo port, yuck but supposedly best way to go, will leave yet another scar on my chest. Guess I won't be going topless this year! lol! I don't like going into things blindly so I research and ask lots of questions. Surprises are no fun for me. My family is great so far. Well at least the ones I can always count on. My oldest sis lives 6miles away and even came to my son's scounting events recently. My mid sis is in So Cal but calls often and is planning to come up and help clean or just hang out cooking/freezing food for later. My bro is distant. I sent him a card telling him my diagnosis and he sent this really weird mushy letter. (For those who don't recall, he and I had an issue 3.5yrs ago and since then he has done several very cruel and hurtfull things to myself, my sisters and their kids. I have not tried to patch things us and my mom pretends like he is a god. She will not tell him he was mean because she actually likes conflict, sick I know. I planned on sending him a letter telling him it was time to get over it and make up, then this happened to me and I don't have the energy right now to fix all this). He mentioned wanting to see me, not because of my cancer, but because he loves me. I emailed him my info and surgery date. He has not replied nor contacted me. My dad is so sweet. I plan to go see him next chance I get as he goes to my oldest sis' house weekly. My mom, well, she is who she is. I told my oldest sis that if I were on my deathbed mom would expect me to call her and let her know. Mom would not call me. When I updated her on my surgery she was really happy about my being home but had to go because she was cooking a burger. I know she loves me but just does not know how to show it. I have another sis that we have been forbidden to speak to, mom and her have issues and mom demanded we ignore her for last 20 or so years. I have contacted her here and there. My mid sis defies mom and does have a relationship with her. I think I will start pen-paling her. She is really hard to deal with, very emotional and dependent. I think an email start would be good for her. We can chat without having to deal with her emotional issues. She really is sweet and was really touched that I reached out to her about my condition. DH is hanging in there but I can tell this is starting to take it's toll. He deals with dialysis patients all day long. To have him sit with me during my chemo is going to be so hard on him. He keeps saying he wishes he could take this all away from me but can't. I read a blog on a guy who would take his wife out for a lunch date after each treatment. I guess he felt pretty good right afterwards and took advantage of the moment. My coworker's husband had to go on prozac to manage his depression from his wife's treatment. Hopefully spring will be here soon and sunshine will make my dh feel better. I think before I start my treatment we will go get his new kayak. He loves being on the water, gives him time to be at peace and in such beautiful surroundings. I know I should not worry about him but I do. I know he feels guilty leaving me at home but I keep telling him that he has to do it FOR ME to know he is ok so I can be ok.

Could I just add to what Rhizo said? I had hip surgery 10 years ago and I turned into a control freak like you wouldn't believe, even I didn't know I had it in me :) I pre-planned down to a gnats a**, from stamps, thank you notes, books, foods I'd made and frozen, completely spotless house and house was stocked full of anything I could think of. I had lots of offers and other than one SIL who stopped by with a latte each morning after her gym, I declined them all and was on my own until DH got home each night. Looking back, I realized it would have been a lot more generous on my part to accept some help, people who cared about me would have liked the opportunity to do something, anything. Another effect my behavior had, when things arose where they later could have used a hand, they didn't feel free to call me after my flaming show of independence. Live and learn.