Disturbing news from friend (physical therapist) in Utah
Lars
4 years ago
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Why is Utah so different?
Comments (31)here is my theory in respect to gardening. it is damn hard and downright disappointing for most people in a high mountain dessert. they get excited in spring and read all the better homes and garden mags and jump right in. six months later their yard looks like crap and it is a struggle to just keep the grass alive. i think people get discouraged that their yard does not look like martha stewart's. anyone can have a gorgeous garden with relatively minimal effort in the east and west coast, but in the rockies, it is more difficult to have the traditional new england yard. you really have to know you plants and get good with sprinklers and drip lines to have the same effect. then there is xerascaping or should i say zeroscaping. nine times out of ten the results are so poorly executed that a vacancant lot looks better. i really hate it when people rip out their yards and replace it with a few rocks, black plastic showing through an inch of bark and a yucca. sorry that is not anithing ending in "scaping". water-wise and poor taste are not synonyms. they get discouraged and abandon it because it does not look like red butte gardens. the effect is even worse since they don't "have" to do anything to keep that single yucca alive. my yard is nothing t right home about, but i try and derive great satisfaction in working in it, but it is a constant disapointment when compared to my vision of an english cottage garden. my good friend is a landscaper and he says utahs are just cheep when it come to landscape. we put $5k into landscaping a $300k house. he claims californians will allocate a quarter of the budget to the landscape�"an exaggeration i think, but there is probably some truth as well. for a good portion of the year, it is just not that pleasant to be outside here (compared to say california). people don't use their yards as an extension of their houses as much. and don't value it as living space. my neighborhood is somewhat unique in that there are a great deal of beautiful yards and a good deal are maintained by the owners. about a quarter have water features. my neighbor keeps bees. we share produce, plants and seeds. it is a very house proud neighborhood. most people don't have boats and atvs, we have projects. we talk about our remodeling projects more than anything else. we are different, but that is why i live here�"i fit in. here is a novel idea. rather than complaining about lacking people on the forum, lets recruit some participants. we all have friends that we talk about gardening with outside of this forum. invite them. the lack of participation i believe largely due to the fact that people don't know it is here. if everybody brought one person the forum would double exponentially. tell the guy at the nursery, your grandpa, they guy at the farmers market, etc. when ever you are talking about gardeing stuff, invite the person to log in. i wish somebody would have told me. i found it by accident. i have made about 20 posts to garden web forums in the past week. i am sure i will settle down when the novelty of all the information and like minds wears off, but i am in for the long haul. i am sure there are thousands more like me who just don't know. don't think any state-wide attitudes will change, but we will at least have good a forum of good company....See MoreHe mentions physical assets of other women..
Comments (27)My sympathies to you, Cube... yah, we all have a tendency to sell our souls to the devil for companionship, what the heck, that's how things work.. i think some men are encouraged by other men that this is cool way of talking.. (maybe to themselves, but they forgot we don't care to hear their editorial comments!)... my ex had a mild form of the same and he was SHOCKED that a colleague had gently ribbed him for being a sexist becuase he didn't think he was.... so if more guys would nudge each other to say "hey, that's NOT cool".. maybe it would happen less.. I get annoyed if I'm talking to a man and his eyes are roaming to every woman who is passing.... message I get is taht they are not listening to me... sometimes I will say something like "is everything ok? you seem distracted"... it's rude behavior.... a small amount of it, ok, i can also be distracted by things passing in the foreground, but it can get really distracting if you are trying to talk to someone who is totally distracted! The way I once handled a situation -- I had been told that if I was as pretty as this particular celebrity, then my guy would have bought me ten of the same type of cute baseball hat as she was wearing... I was shocked... I told him I expected the hat in the mail ASAP.... he never made another such remark again.. (it never worked out between us....and I don't feel bad about it)....See MoreHave you heard about the boy in Utah?
Comments (16)kkny, a few years ago I was flamed for digging up information on SD's mom, her new BF at the time & communicating with the new BF's exW. Am I obsessed or psycho? I don't think so... obviously. But, I am diligent in having all the information. I did background checks on any guy I even THOUGHT about becoming serious with... I think EVERY man and woman should do that for their own sake, not just checking on your ex's new love interest. But, it should certainly be acceptable if not the law that when there are children involved, both parents should be allowed to investigate who their kids are around. Nobody in their right mind would take kids to a daycare without checking them out... even drop in on them to check from time to time. You can never be careful enough when your kids are involved. So, I'd like to know who you think is going to flame you... I think it's a great idea and I'll sign JNM's petition. and I also agree with you about not needing a man. I lived happily alone for 6 years after leaving my exBF. It was actually hard for me to decide to get into a serious relationship with my DH after being on my own so long... I liked my life & relationships mean sacrifice sometimes. It's also hard for me to understand why some people feel a need to be with someone... and it's not only women. As for the situation in Utah... the fear of not knowing what my DIL is also capable of is what plays over in my mind daily. When children are being raised... desensitized to violence, sex and personal relationships by the world they live in... the internet, cable TV, video games, movies, music, and growing up in dysfunctional broken homes.. kids have much more traumatizing events in their lives than just a generation or two ago. When I took my DIL to childbirth classes and they asked her what she hoped to gain from taking the class, she replied "I just want to get it out of me." and in the 14 months since he was born, I have seen a lack of empathy toward him, lack of bonding, lack of maternal instinct.... and it worries me every time she has him because I can easily imagine her in handcuffs for allowing DGS to be harmed.. or harming him herself. Of course, the courts need proof.. not a gut feeling or an incident or two that don't rise to the level of proof to do anything about it. I mean CPS drug tested DIL, she failed & they still did nothing. That was after it took them a week to even get around to talking to her... and she avoided them for three weeks. So, the system is not going to fix this problem. As I've said before, people need to slow down & make better choices. We all need to spend a lot more time teaching our kids to make the right choice in who to have children with. I think that was a mistake I made, I assumed my son would choose a nice girl... all the girls he liked in high school were quiet & sweet. and even if a mistake is made by choosing the wrong person, people need to be more diligent in standing up for the child. I wouldn't want to lay blame on the father because he will have to live with this the rest of his life... but he sure knew his ex & had some red flag warnings signs that he let go. I'm sure there were other people that saw things that were not right. Unfortunately, people don't want to get involved. It's also one of those situations of "who do I believe?" because there have been many cases of false accusations, especially during divorce & custody cases. I've been accused myself... and I have nothing to hide~ It sorta reminds me of the situation in Arizona with illegal immigrants, which is also a topic that may affect me as I am Mexican... people that are not doing anything wrong, should be willing to do whatever is needed so that the ones that are doing wrong can be caught. We all stop for a DUI checkpoint, airport security, or the guy standing at the door at a warehouse store that wants to check your receipt. Heck, they should hand each bride & groom a background printout of the other when they hand you the marriage license... "here, this is who you are marrying" and yes, a copy should be public... so the other parent, grandparents, or concerned neighbor can check it out too. and yes, I know it will never happen. Just a sad reality....See MoreHelping a hurting friend
Comments (37)'When he returns to rehab, my friend is going to need emotional support. I'm really baffled to know what to say. I know just listening is what is probably needed most, but how do I just listen without saying something?' That's the hard bit. When my mother had a bit of free time when her 5 kids had gone to school, she thought she might try her hand at becoming a councillor. She joined a group, headed by a councillor or maybe be was a psychiatrist. I can't remember. He explained that what they had to do, as councillors, was to listen. No talking. They were not to talk. They had to be quiet. The person with the problem was to do the talking, not them. So, the training started. He had them sit there, being silent. And then he asked them questions. (According to my mother.) My mother could not resist answering the questions. And she never became a councillor. I was telling my friend about this and my friend somewhat disagreed with the councillor/psychiatrist. My friend thought that sometimes we can suggest things to help. But I agree with the councillor/psychiatrist. The fact is, we know what we should do. And if someone tells us, then we can feel patronised. The definition of the the word patronise (she said, hoping not to sound patronising) is 'treat with an apparent kindness which betrays a feeling of superiority'. I looked up some synonyms for 'patronise' because I tend to over-use that word, but the definition was so nice that I wanted to include it here. I think that it's soooooo important never to come across that way, especially to someone who is going through something....See MoreElmer J Fudd
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