I did read that story. It made me sick. Just disgusting what that little boy went through. 10 days of pure hell.

Hi Ashley, to embed a link

(a href="URL")Name you want to call your link(/a)

except replace the ( ) with

So for this one it would be:

(a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100514/ap_on_re_us/us_missing_boy_utah";)Abused boy in Utah(/a)

Which, once you replace the ( ) with it will look like this:

Abused boy in Utah

I didn't hear about it. I'll read it now.

Here's the link.

Here is a link that might be useful: boy in Utah

Thanks Silver and Sylvia! I never can get those things to work and when I try to look up old posts where someone has explained them, I can never find them.

What part of this awful situation affects you the most?

the hammer

This is terrible. What affects me the most? How the child died. Alone. Scared.

What I take away from this. We need more funding for family courts. It shouldnt take forever to get a date. Judges should have enough time to listen to both sides. Either parent remarrying or cohabitating should be required to provide OP with criminal record of new partner (OK, now I am expecting to get flamed).

kkny, I agree with you completely! What is really frustrating is that even knowing that a parent is cohabiting with someone with a criminal record does not mean squat anyway- the new BF/GF has to be deemed to be a threat to the child. So unless those previous convictions were for child abuse or rape of a minor or something like that, it's probably not going to affect visitation anyway, until, you know, the new SF beats the four year old to death. I understand that the courts don't want to make decisions based on what might happen, but if no one in their right mind would allow this person to babysit a kid why is it fine and dandy for kids to have to go into such a situation for visitation?!

"Either parent remarrying or cohabitating should be required to provide OP with criminal record of new partner"

I'll be glad to sign any petition that says that.

but even that won't put a total end to horrors like this.

I once knew a young woman whose boyfriend, a policeman, moved into her home.

He worked days, she worked nights.

One night when she was at work, the boyfriend beat the little boy unconscious *& left the child on the floor without calling for an ambulance*.

Had he administered CPR & called the paramedics, the child likely would have lived.

but he died.

His name was Cody.
................................

The boyfriend got a very short sentence & probation & lost his police (whatever it's called) license.

& the judge told the mom that that was a harsh enough sentence, that the guy could never be a cop again.

simply no comments, we had a local story few years ago with parents beating a 7-year-old with a hammer until he died.

too many women are willing to put their children in danger as long as they have a man, hope they get maximum sentence.

No flaming KK - I'll write the petition!

This is the reason we started the custody fight for SD. After her mom filed the 1st restraining order against her BF (that she moved she and SD in with after knowing him 2 months) we started digging around and found he'd done jail time TWICE - once for theft and once for - get this - KIDNAPPING HIS EX GIRLFRIEND AND TRYING TO KILL HER. Kinda one of those things you should know before moving yourself and your 4 year old daughter in with a guy and his 8 year old son, ya think??

After the 2nd restraining order she took out and then broke the judge took noice and granted emergency custody to DH. BM still had the BF living there for several months. . . until she found a guy online that lived by us and moved the two hours to our town to an apartment down the road from him.

We now run EVERY guy BM starts dating. If we can't trust her judgment, we have to use our own.

Since today seems to be the day for commenting on gender roles, my belief is that while SM and Moms may wrangle, it rarely raises to the level of physical danger to a child. SFs, on the other hand, may ususally be great, but are more present more danger. I get angry when people talk about divorced moms not putting past behind, when all that means is finding a man. Having my own good life includes a good job, a nice safe house, friends, volunteer work, etc. Doesnt have to mean a man.

There are so many stories about step fathers being abusive. On this one I agree with KKNY on the criminal report, in fact, the common wisdom among some of my friends is not to marry or remarry, male or female, without a criminal report and credit check these days.

kkny, a few years ago I was flamed for digging up information on SD's mom, her new BF at the time & communicating with the new BF's exW. Am I obsessed or psycho? I don't think so... obviously. But, I am diligent in having all the information. I did background checks on any guy I even THOUGHT about becoming serious with... I think EVERY man and woman should do that for their own sake, not just checking on your ex's new love interest. But, it should certainly be acceptable if not the law that when there are children involved, both parents should be allowed to investigate who their kids are around. Nobody in their right mind would take kids to a daycare without checking them out... even drop in on them to check from time to time. You can never be careful enough when your kids are involved. So, I'd like to know who you think is going to flame you... I think it's a great idea and I'll sign JNM's petition.

and I also agree with you about not needing a man. I lived happily alone for 6 years after leaving my exBF. It was actually hard for me to decide to get into a serious relationship with my DH after being on my own so long... I liked my life & relationships mean sacrifice sometimes. It's also hard for me to understand why some people feel a need to be with someone... and it's not only women.

As for the situation in Utah... the fear of not knowing what my DIL is also capable of is what plays over in my mind daily. When children are being raised... desensitized to violence, sex and personal relationships by the world they live in... the internet, cable TV, video games, movies, music, and growing up in dysfunctional broken homes.. kids have much more traumatizing events in their lives than just a generation or two ago. When I took my DIL to childbirth classes and they asked her what she hoped to gain from taking the class, she replied "I just want to get it out of me." and in the 14 months since he was born, I have seen a lack of empathy toward him, lack of bonding, lack of maternal instinct.... and it worries me every time she has him because I can easily imagine her in handcuffs for allowing DGS to be harmed.. or harming him herself.

Of course, the courts need proof.. not a gut feeling or an incident or two that don't rise to the level of proof to do anything about it. I mean CPS drug tested DIL, she failed & they still did nothing. That was after it took them a week to even get around to talking to her... and she avoided them for three weeks. So, the system is not going to fix this problem. As I've said before, people need to slow down & make better choices. We all need to spend a lot more time teaching our kids to make the right choice in who to have children with. I think that was a mistake I made, I assumed my son would choose a nice girl... all the girls he liked in high school were quiet & sweet.

and even if a mistake is made by choosing the wrong person, people need to be more diligent in standing up for the child. I wouldn't want to lay blame on the father because he will have to live with this the rest of his life... but he sure knew his ex & had some red flag warnings signs that he let go. I'm sure there were other people that saw things that were not right. Unfortunately, people don't want to get involved. It's also one of those situations of "who do I believe?" because there have been many cases of false accusations, especially during divorce & custody cases. I've been accused myself... and I have nothing to hide~ It sorta reminds me of the situation in Arizona with illegal immigrants, which is also a topic that may affect me as I am Mexican... people that are not doing anything wrong, should be willing to do whatever is needed so that the ones that are doing wrong can be caught. We all stop for a DUI checkpoint, airport security, or the guy standing at the door at a warehouse store that wants to check your receipt. Heck, they should hand each bride & groom a background printout of the other when they hand you the marriage license... "here, this is who you are marrying" and yes, a copy should be public... so the other parent, grandparents, or concerned neighbor can check it out too.

and yes, I know it will never happen. Just a sad reality.

Uh, who would flame me? The people who insiste my house, my rules. Because that conflicts with my kid, wheverer she is.

BM's men will all be run promptly by us from this point forward. We had checked the sex offender site when she moved in with him, but our mistake the last time was not checking criminal records. Had we done so, we would have found the long, long list of convictions and prison time that he had served. Instead we did not find this out until after he was arrested for violating his parole, for committing another crime! (He was immediately hauled off to jail and still has at least another year to go, so we have not had to try to get a restraining order or anything yet.) And, of course, BM is "standing by her man". He's just a really great guy with the small problem that he's spent 85% of the last 20 years in a penal facility, apparently.

I don't understand that compulsion to be with a man, any man, at all. I got married for the first time in my forties, and my life was quite happy, active and busy. I had some serious boyfriends along the way, but I preferred to live alone rather than settle at all.

The part of this story that affects me the most is that the father of the boy was worried about his son, actually WANTED his son (which the mother obviously did not) and was actively trying to get custody of his son. He didn't move away from his son; the mother did.

It breaks my heart that this father was not even given a chance when it was the mother that was the bad parent.

My X's neice was molested by her SF. She and her twin brother went to live with X's parents because the mom wouldn't kick the SF out of the house per the court order to keep her daughter safe.

KKNY, I agree that SMs generally don't pose the physical threat to SC that SF can. That's why I worry that something "inappropriate" happened between SD and SF in the past. SD used to be allowed to be naked around him and sleep in the same bed with him and BM (still does). While SD lived here, she didn't like spending time with him, but now he's such a great dad? I don't get it.