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Trying to Calm My Son

6 years ago

My son is in his 40's. He's been very blessed in that we were always able to make sure he had what he needed, if not always what he wanted. He's never been in a situation where things were dire. He was asking me if I'd ever seen anything like this happen before. I had to really stop and think. Then I remembered when I was a kid 2 things similar but then I was also a kid and kids have a different slant on everything. Adults clammed up when they knew the kids were listening to their conversations so that made it more difficult to know what was going on, too. I told him that I vaguely remember the polio scare but then I was only about 5 then. Later on I remembered the Cuban crisis but I was probably 7 or 8. As an adult I remember the oil embargo and the "beef shortage" - still don't know why that happened. Last of all of course the 9/11 attack. Since I was a kid during the first 2 and was pretty clueless about it all, do any of you out there remember and if so, did it seem really bad when you were going through it or do you feel like this is worse? I just remember that people (adults) were upset but they still seemed like they were in charge and that they were going to keep us safe, maybe that was just the drill back then?

Comments (32)

  • 6 years ago

    I remember my grandmother telling me about when she was a young gal during the 1918 flu ... she would've been 16-17.... there were coffins stacked up in the city streets. I figure if she could survive that, odds are good I'll survive this.

  • 6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Gas lines of the 70’s. California had an odd and even license plate system for buying gas. Certainly not as scary as what we are experiencing now.

    Encourage your son to take good care of himself, stay hydrated, get some exercise every day. It might be helpful for him to feel like he has some control.

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  • 6 years ago

    The only things that come to my mind ( and I am about the same age as you Rita) of course 9/11 but as a child, I too remember the Cuban Missile Crisis and Bomb Shelters and shelter drills at school. The thing that I remember really spooking the nation ( in my recollection) was the assassination of JFK. I remember we were home from school of course and glued to the TV, and watching live the transfer of Oswald and the shooting then. It was super scary but not like this. I do remember though after things calmed down, all the conspiracy theories and not feeling very secure and dreading attacks by "Russia".

  • 6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    The first thing to remember when trying to calm another person is to appear calm yourself. Relating similar stories can be good but only if they are told in a re-assuring fashion. Also it is best to limit your time watching TV coverage or reading too much social media. That just feeds the fear.

    If he is 40 and in good health he has probably got the immune system to fight this off like the flu. Just "Do the five".

  • 6 years ago

    Refresh us on the 5, please!

  • 6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    1. HANDS Wash them often

    2. ELBOW Cough into it

    3. FACE Don't touch it

    4. FEET Stay more than 3ft apart

    5. FEEL sick? Stay home

  • 6 years ago

    Remember the anthrax panic? Washing our hands to the tune of 2 Happy Birthdays after touching our own mail? We were fine.

  • 6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    The earliest I remember, I think was the Polio scare. My Mom was scared to

    death...had silly things you couldn't do...couldn't run through the sprinklers

    on a hot summer day...couldn't go to the public beach (evidently it was

    extremely catching at places like that?) ;) I don't remember when she stopped

    being so afraid, but it seems like when school started again, things kind

    of got back to normal. Of course, I do remember 9/11....most terrifying and

    sad happening in my life, I think. Was a bit nervous with all the Y2 scare

    at the turn of the century...but don't even remember now exactly what was

    supposed to happen...the World ending, I guess? The human mind seems

    to be able to "tuck those scares away", and move on. And then the polio

    vaccine was invented and given to babies as routine and the young people

    don't give it a thought, I guess.

  • 6 years ago

    I remember I needed my tonsils removed in the late 50's and was told I couldn't have it done because it was "polio season". I don't think it was a seasonal thing?

  • 6 years ago

    Folks are more panicked now because of non stop media watching. I recall Laura Bush speaking to the American public not long after 9/11 urging us to stop watching constant TV coverage as it was unhealthy especially for children. We need to be careful but go on and live our lives as normally as possible.

    Fear never cured anything.

  • 6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    We were banned from swimming in the creek during polio season. It must have been spring/summer.

  • 6 years ago

    This has been a topic of conversion around here. My grandparents came from poverty. They said they didn't realize the Great Depression so much because they were already poor. They kind of lived off the land anyway and had gardens and fished and killed and ate whatever they could.


    My sister and I (in the last couple of years) figured out why my dad hates birthdays so much. His little 1 yo sister was in the hospital and passed away the week he turned three. He recently told me he remembers a little girl being there and then being done. He remembers his aunt holding him at the funeral and his mom and sisters crying. They didn't get a final determination on what killed her, but had thought maybe it was polio or another childhood disease that we now can vaccinate against. Modern medicine would most likely have saved her.


    My dad was vaccinated against measles, but my mom said she didn't have to be because as a farmer's daughter who milked cows, she had exposure to cow pox and that prevented measles. I was vaccinated as a child and then again in high school because of another measles outbreak.


    I vaguely remember the oil embargo, but don't remember it having any effect on my family. My dad had a relatively high paying job for the area and we tend to be pretty resourceful.


    People still talked about Russia coming to get us when I was a kid. I don't remember any drills. Vietnam was going on, but I was so young that it was mainly over my head.


    I first heard about AIDs when I was in high school. A few of my classmates passed away from that when it was still called AIDs and not HIV.

  • 6 years ago

    Seeing the mention of polio, I recall that it seemed to be spread more over the summer ( at least to my 5-7 yr old mind) and I thought that it was felt that it did NOT spread in salt water but in lakes? Anyone remember any of this? (and then the polio vaccine came about so no recollection). I do remember people several years older, who had had polio, and their limps which told the story.

  • 6 years ago

    We were allowed to swim at the beach and in lakes but not in the creek for some reason. I think t was thought that the winter floods polluted the creek and increased the chance of polio or something like that.

  • 6 years ago

    "I first heard about AIDs when I was in high school. A few of my classmates passed away from that when it was still called AIDs and not HIV."

    AIDs and HIV are two completely separate entities....they just tend to happen in conjunction.

    I recall the Cuban Missile crisis quite well. For the better part of two weeks, we all lived in fear of not waking up again the next day because of a nuclear war. It was terrifying but nothing like this. This is as yet undefined, has no clear end in sight and moves so fast as to be a concern in even somewhat remote areas.

  • 6 years ago

    "AIDs and HIV are two completely separate entities....they just tend to happen in conjunction."

    I'm aware it's not considered the same now that it was then. I was using the terminology of the time.

  • 6 years ago

    I'm actually enjoying being a homebody for awhile. Time to reconnect with nature and focus on a simpler life.

  • 6 years ago

    We talked about the fact that there is all this 24 hour news now and social media. When I was a kid the news only came on in the morning, evening and late night and we kids never watched it. As I explained to him, the adults shooed the kids out of the room when such things were discussed. Yes we did duck and cover at school but for quite awhile I never knew why. I do remember my Mom going to civil defense classes with some of the other women in the neighborhood and discussing bomb shelters, etc. when they didn't think we were listening. I think they were probably scared to death. I remember the JFK assassination and the week following but I didn't get the feeling that everyone was in panic, just very upset that it had happened.

  • 6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I've never seen anything like it. Aside from the hoarding/Iack of supplies, I'm happy to see most people taking it seriously. Of course if it passes mildly, we will get a lot of gloating that it was a bunch of panic over nothing, but I think people taking precautions makes all the difference.

    And it's not always about personal risk. I'm in my 30's and healthy so statistically unlikely to have any serious issues, but I'm also a prime candidate to pass it to the elderly populations in the multiple retirement communities nearby, so I stay home. People over 80 have a 15% fatality rate from this virus. It's a big deal.

  • 6 years ago

    My kids are actually pretty calm. My daughter did almost make me cry on Friday when her Facebook status said she was getting a little worried as both she and her brother have asthma and that's on the list of the CDC's things people who have that may end up in dire straights if they get the virus. While her asthma is mild, it's still lung disease. She's really worried about her brother who for the first time since he was a little boy is on 3 different medications for his asthma which returned with a vengeance last October. Prednisone, Symbicort and Salbutimol. Dr said Advair isn't strong enough for him anymore.... She said, "I don't want to lose another brother". When I mentioned that to my son, he said even he almost cried when he saw that. They aren't worried about us though........... My husband is 66 I'm 60. We are both very healthy. Other than my husbands severe headaches from his car accident and his stomach issues (missing 4.5' of small intestine makes him run tot he toilet a lot!) we are very healthy. He doesn't leave the house a lot, but I work with the public so I can bring anything home. I took this week off to clean my house, but booked it off long before this virus hit Canada. I may be called into work if there is an emergency though. I agreed to that yesterday. I'm willing to help out another store in my area if they run short on employees who have to quarantine.


    By the way, the most HATED questions anyone can ask ANY retailer is: do you have hand sanitizer. Do you have face masks? Do you have toilet paper? Please. Don't ask. One of us is ready to completely lose their minds over those questions. If it's not on the shelf, don't ask. And please please please, don't ask if we know of a store who has it. We don't work in another store. We don't know.

  • 6 years ago

    I don't know who "susan" is, but I sure wish we were allowed to wear these. Although our customers would still ask after reading

  • 6 years ago

    Yes, I remember worse, much worse than this. In 1967 I was living in Israel, a young married woman, with a three-month old son. Without going into the whys, hows, and wherefores, Israel's neighbors - Egypt, Syria, and Jordan - decided - for reasons still not clearly understood today - to go to war and wipe Israel off the map once and for all. During the two-week run-up to the war that ensued (the SixDayWar), Israel suddenly had to gear up for battle.

    I recall hearing Egyptian President Gamal Nasser announce on the radio that he was closing the Suez Canal and the Gulf of Aqaba to Israeli shipping. This was a declaration of war. Two hours later I walked the baby in his stroller down to our little supermarket, went in, and discovered that the shelves had been virtually emptied of flour, sugar, cooking oil, candles, matches, bottled water, etc., in anticipation of what an actual shooting war brings on a community. I will never forget the sight of those empty shelves. The store manager helped me find things he thought I'd need.

    The following day my husband was called up to his army reserve unit (all Israeli men serve in the reserves; that's the basis of the Israeli army). I recall watching him walk from our apartment down the sidewalk to the waiting bus, his knapsack slung over his shoulder. When he returned to say good-bye two days later he arrived with his rifle, a bandolier of rounds, and grenades, which he stashed in a corner of the living room temporarily.

    Because our apartment building sat right on the border with Jordan, friends who lived in central Jerusalem came and brought me and the baby to stay with them while DH was away. In the week left before the war we filled sandbags to surround the entrance and first-floor windows of their building (this was a community effort). We criss-crossed every window with heavy construction tape, against concussion, to prevent flying shattered glass. And the evening before the war erupted (June 5), we filled the bathtub to the rim with water, just in case of an interrupted water supply, although we didn't know then that war would come the next day. None of this was unusual - nearly everyone in border areas like Jerusalem did this.

    BTW, Israel did not have television at this time. So nothing like our cable news to excite and stir up the populace!

    Suffice it to say that the war came, and I and my son and my husband survived - although some of his army buddies were killed. It was a stupid and useless thing that Egypt's Nasser did. In his book, My War With Israel, King Hussein of Jordan wrote that attacking the Jewish state was by far his worst mistake. For me, more than fifty years later, it remains my most vivid memory.

    ******************************

    As for this problem with the coronavirus. So much different than a true war, but with the same aim, to preserve one's health and life. We haven't done any extra shopping. DH keeps us well-stocked with a large supply of paper products, all shelved in the garage, and lots of bottled water, too. He'll probably soon be ordering take-out from his favorite restaurants. I don't cook Mexican, nor very much red meat, either!

  • 6 years ago

    I lived through most all of what has been mentioned above without serious unrest but I must say that was due to my parent's reactions. My father owned a newspaper so our household was very informed about whatever was coming down the pike. I was always vaccinated when necessary but never in a panic mode. My parents asked that I comply with their edicts...such as no attendance to largely populated areas during the polio outbreak, etc...but it wasn't presented as an anxious directive and they calmly explained the reasons for their requests. Although, my mother's contribution to these discussions if questioned beyond the initial family presentation was always presented as "Because your father said so!"

    The long and the short of this...if parents are calm and rational so are the kids. Plus, they're more apt to abide by your requests given an educated explanation.

    Today...now in my 80s...I still have that calm, rational attitude about situations like Corona. I stay well informed and adhere to CDC advisories without the slightest inkling of panic. I live in the country so it's natural for me to keep a well stocked larder and home maintenance supplies that will keep me in good stead for a month or longer. I won't be doing any dancing in the streets as Spring approaches but isolation isn't on my menu either. Caution is. But that's always the case.

    To say that I am amazed at the public's reaction to this latest crisis would be a gross understatement and causes me more concern than the virus itself. Fear is a worse disease than this virus and allowed to continue...it will be our downfall. Not this virus!


  • 6 years ago

    Wow Sable, you truly lived through a crisis not a media generated one. I had friends with family in Israel then and remember how concerned we all were for them.

    I have seen many of these "the world will end because of infection X" scenarios. So far all were duds. Here are a few - swine flu in the 70's, herpes in the 80's, AID's in the 80's to 90's, H1N1 and so on.

    I starting working in hospital and clinic patient care before we knew the cause of AIDs and only wore gloves with Hepatitis non-A, non-B (now known as HepC). I survived and contracted no infections.

  • 6 years ago

    I totally agree on the lack of prudence in adults today. Things have been awful at times in our history but adults kept the panic and worry and fear as far from kids as they could. With the advent of TV news...parents allow kids to absorb all the horrid sights and sounds of adults behaving badly. 911 is my first recollection of this. Parents allowing kids to sit in front of TVs seeing all that horror is un-forgivable!! Is your son a parent. Tell him to pull on his big boy pants be an ADULT and assure his kids all is well!!!

  • 6 years ago

    During difficulties, I am reminded of one of my favorite quotations by Seneca:

    I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent- no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.

    For those who have been fortunate enough to live with plenty, the challenge of today is to make the best of an uncomfortable situation. To constrain ourselves physically and not allow our emotions to run rampant paralyzing us with unnecessary fear and anxiety. We do what we must, social isolation is for the good of all, and we make the most of the new opportunity.

  • 6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    The AIDS crisis was much worse, at least for me. I was living in San Francisco at that time, and many of my close friends died. I don't expect that to happen with this crisis, but time will tell. However, the Desert AIDS Project in Palm Springs is in the process of converting to a Coronavirus crisis center, just as a precaution.

    As a child in the 1950s, I was terrified of the prospect of nuclear war with Russia. The "duck and cover" exercises were especially scary, as were the constant reminders on TV of how to find the nearest Civil Defense shelter. I decided then that I never wanted to have children, just to have them live in a post-apocalyptic world.

    Polio was scary, but I got vaccinated very young, and so then I did not have to worry about it.

  • 6 years ago

    Adults worred about polio when DH and I were kids; we weren't particularly concerned...being kids! After the brilliant Dr. Salk created the vaccine, I'd pretty much forgotten about polio. I still cringe, though, remembering meeting a handsome young man at a club one winter. He was on crutches, and I asked brightly, "Skiing accident?" No. He'd had polio.

    Some day most of us will forget about Covid-19. Others won't.

  • 6 years ago

    To the OP, your son was an adult during 9/11. Ask him what he remembers of those times?

  • 6 years ago

    I think the thing to learn is serenity isn't freedom from the storm, but peace amidst the storm...

    As Michael O. said, this isn't a blizzard that we clear out in a couple of days, but a winter that will last months. So we need to learn to cope with the now for as long as it lasts.

  • 6 years ago

    I hope I didn't give the impression that my son is freaking out in a panic. But he is concerned. He's never experienced a health crisis among the population like this. I remember he was very upset about 9/11. We all were - but we weren't freaking out. In fact, he called back then and asked me the exact same thing about that, had I ever experienced anything like it? I told him as far as the type of fear that comes with terrorism, no. But I did tell him about the tragedies of the JFK assassination and the Challenger explosion and that it was upsetting to the entire nation. All I can do is to remain as calm as I can and assure people who aren't dealing with this very well that it too will end - don't know when but it will. I remember the gas shortages and the bad economy back in the 70's seemed like they were never going to end but they finally did. I have a friend who is always expecting the complete destruction of the earth at any given moment due to whatever is the popular boogie-man at the moment. And she goes on and on about how it's all people's fault and the earth would be better off without people, yada yada. I finally told her that I can't think like that because I've got a son and grandchildren, I can't let myself lose hope in mankind like she has, but then she's never had children and doesn't understand that concept. Then another friend who has no children either just the other day kept goading and begging and pushing for me to join her for free Tai Chi classes at the library. So finally I gave in and registered just to give it a try and shut her up and that very day she begged off because she is afraid to be around people now. I gave her a piece of my mind (laughingly) that here she pushed and pushed and finally I gave in to shut her up and now here she went and wussed out on me at the last minute. I was laughing about it because frankly I didn't care whether I went or not. But I really gave her a hard time about that. She kept saying "I'm sorry, I know, I don't know why I insisted like that and I really was too scared to do it - it's my fault". It was too funny.