declutter hoarder apartment
A Wills
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
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Anglophilia
4 years agochispa
4 years agoRelated Discussions
Hoarders
Comments (19)I do not think you can be clean and be a hoarder. You cannot possibly move all that stuff to get your cleaning done. I've been in homes like that many times. In fact, my sister is a hoarder. When she started out, she had a very cluttered home, but it was still somewhat within a normal range. Her refrigerator was a disaster though, it was crammed full of old food and you couldn't get anything in there. She never, ever cleaned it out. She would also buy anything on sale... one time she bought boxes and boxes of bananas because they were on sale, and that sat in her house and rotted. She installed many rows of shelves in her basement for storing canned and packaged food. Now her house is a complete disaster, my brother said you can't even move in her house and he spent one night and was sick from the stench. She lives in another province, so I haven't been there in years, and I'll never go back because she is the sister who is also a thief. Btw, she has always lived in expensive neighborhoods....See MoreWhat to do? Other family members obstacle to decluttering.
Comments (20)I think you need two different approaches, one for your DD and one for your DH. If the idea of letting something go so that someone else can use it and treasure it isn't working, I'd stop that and move on to something else. In dealing with your DH, first I'd declutter your stuff as much as possible, which it sounds like you are doing. Then I'd tackle joint things. Let's take the 5 corkscrews. Let's assume they are rattling around in a kitchen drawer. And let's assume that no one really needs more than 1 corkscrew. And let's also assume that you are the main cook and bottle washer in the family, and that the kitchen is largely considered your turf. Approach your DH about the corkscrews. This time, give him a goal that you are working toward. "DH, I'm going through all the kitchen drawers. My goal is to clear them out enough so that I can easily reach into a drawer and grab exactly what I need without having to search for it. This will make cooking easier and faster and more pleasant for me." He should be willing to buy into such a goal. Why would he want to make cooking more difficult for you? "Now, DH darling, we have 5 corkscrews. They are all very nice. Can you tell me which one works the best? Which one means the most to you (sentimental value, actual value, whatever)? How would you feel if we kept only those two?" Note that you are letting him choose which ones to keep. If he fusses, let him pick a third one to keep. If he really fusses, "Okay, I can see that you don't want to let any of these go. That's okay. I will continue to work on the kitchen. Maybe I can create enough space so that we can keep all five. If I can't, then we may have to revisit this. Is that okay with you? Can you think of another solution? Would you like to think about it and get back to me?" I've found that if you make it clear that you are honoring the other person's wishes, *sometimes* they will, in a few weeks or months, voluntarily offer to get rid of some the things you were trying to toss. If they don't, then you make that thing theirs. You can do this with the CD set right away. "Okay, you want to keep these CDs because they look nice. I am giving them to you. They are now yours. You will decide whether to keep them or let them go at a future date." "But, I need to warn you. I am decluttering the family room. My goal is to have a neat, organized and easy to clean family room that only takes 10 minutes every night to pick up. In order to do that, it needs to be easy to put everything away, which means that we can't double-shelve the CDs and books anymore." "These CDs will need to fit on the shelves that we have decided will hold the CDs. That may mean that some other CDs will have to go. But we don't have to make that decision right now." What underlies making the contested object his, is that at some point, you will designate space in the house for all his stuff. A study if you have a room to spare. Certain shelves in the family room and garage and basement. His half of the bedroom closet. You also designate a certain amount of shared space for CDs and DVDs and books and so on. He can keep *anything* he wants in his areas. The kicker is that he's not going to be able to keep *everything* he wants. He's going to run out of room. That's when, in addition to the goal argument, you pull out the cost argument. Storage costs money. You need a certain size house to hold your family and the things it needs and wants. You need to buy storage furniture (shelves, cabinets, etc.) to hold all the things. Sure, you can keep adding more shelves, more cabinets, but at some point, the rooms are crowded and don't look attractive, because of all the stuff in them. Your choice is either to declutter or to buy more storage--rent a self-store unit, buy a bigger house. Storage costs money. Present your DH with a goal that costs money, money that could be spent on storage or that could be saved for your goal--a new car, a romantic cruise for two, college for the kids. And then, if all else fails, take the two corkscrews that DH has determined are most important and leave them where they are. Box up the others along with the CDs and store them somewhere out of the way. But not in a self-store unit, because you are saving money for that romantic cruise. And when the basement, attic and garage are so full that no more of DH's boxed-up extras will fit, some of them will probably be damaged enough that he will let you get rid of them....See MoreI think I'm a hoarder or maybe just lazy.
Comments (18)When my mother went to assisted living, she refused to part with anything, & her sister rented a storage building to stuff everything into. The sister called me one day & said that the storage building was being emptied at last; she & my brothers & their wives had gotten everything they wanted... so I could come get what I wanted before the rest of it went into the dumpster. This is my family. so I drove down there & sifted through what was left & took some things & found some really old textbooks that were falling apart. I knew they must have been kept for some reason, so I called this aunt, & she hightailed it back to the storage building & grabbed those books. Her mother had been the first girl in their family to graduate from high school; back then, students had to buy their own books, & if you couldn't buy the books, you couldn't take the class & graduate. These were her mother's school books, not valuable on the antiques market, but family heirlooms. My aunt's son now has them. & the moral of this story is... Do *not* let anyone into that garage with the agreement that they can keep whatever they want until you've put your hands on every object in there. & get a friend or family member to be there with you 1) when you're going through stuff & 2) while you're keeping an eye on the people who are cleaning it out....See MoreMost frugal: opposite of hoarders
Comments (43)Sue VA, Don't like to be disagreeable, but ... ... for most of us, a penny saved is more valuable than a penny earned. In Canada, if a single taxpayer earns under upwards of $10,000. annual income ... a penny earned is equal to a penny saved, as they have no income tax liability. But most of us want to, and do, earn more than that. For us, there's an agency that has a question, and a statement, for almost every one of us, every year. "How much did you earn?". "We want part of it!". If your marginal tax rate (i.e. the rate that you pay on your top dollar earned) is 20%, for each $5.00 block of those earnings, you can't keep them all. You must give $1.00 to the Income Tax people ... which leaves you with $4.00 in pocket. So - 1 penny saved ... is equivalent to 1.25 pennies of increased earnings. _________________________________ With regard to my earlier story - about the rubber boots ... ... my uncle's bequest was upwards of $1,000. for each dollar that the boots cost, not several thousands per. There's some jelly in my brain tonight, I think. ole joyful...See Morechispa
4 years agoHelen
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