I know there is a lot more to the story than you could possibly ever tell us and that sometimes you have to be there to actually understand. I just tried to look at what you were saying and tried to offer help. When I said about them going to court and taking the kids~I meant to also add that they could also just come and get them. Going to court was of course the extreme. It does make the situation a little different when I know they had you take them so they wouldn't totally loose them. Most people in they're situation would be in denial of a problem and keep the kids until the state did step in and even then they're in denial. It is good that they realize to some extent that there is a problem. What happened with your DIL that she is the way she is? Did her mother do the same as she's doing with her kids and that's why she never learned things? Or is it that she had a problem that they didn't accept was there and this is the end result? Most of the examples of things that she couldn't do are simple things that can very easily be learned, as you said. I guess it makes you realize just how lucky we are. We take advantage of being able to every day little tasks that are VERY hard for others. After reading your last reply I have a different out look with your situation. I can see that your son isn't really trying to be selfish. He made a few mistakes (like getting her pregnant this time) but he has to really love her to deal with all of this. I guess from what I read previously I just thought he thought it was easier this way and didn't care if he had the kids or not. Does he call and come see them and does your DIL also? I would think this has to be hard on them, too. Has anyone tried to contact your DIL's parents? Maybe just to ask them what her history was and so on. I thought it sounded like she just disowned them but why? Like if the sexual abuse story was all made up, what was the reasoning behind that? (Just went back and reread and I saw about her mother calling SS when the daughter got outside while the mother was asleep. I can understand why she called SS~the child was in danger. I wish my MIL had the guts to do that to SIL and BIL. The kids about 2 years ago~they were 4 and 2~packed a bag and decided, well Eric decided, to go get Mommy at work. They were outside in t-shirts and diapers and/or underwear in the middle of winter! Meanwhile they're father was in the house sleeping away. They were too cheap to send the kids to a sitter so BIL worked 11-7 and then had to stay up with the kids until his wife got home around 3pm. The kids were forced to nap or stay in they're rooms most of the day while he would sleep! They got out twice! They happened to live across from the school and one of the teachers saw these two and took them inside and called the police. BIL just happened to think he better call the police and report them missing. Later that day they were laughing about the whole thing!!!) Her past may be of great help for you guys now to deal with all this. Did she come from a very loving home? Would all the attention and love and support be something that could help her greatly? I know you said she would make things hard if she came to live with you but would the outcome be better for her and your son and their kids? Would it be any harder than it could be to care for 3 kids until they are adults? I don't know if I am any help. I guess talking about it and getting this out helps a little more than anything. Taking it one day at a time will help also. You can't really worry about what will happen when the baby comes until that day comes. I'm sure you'll do alright no matter what happens. It truly does sound like your grandson is doing much better with you and you're teaching him so much. I hope you're enjoying this time. It also is great to know you took in Caroline because she's not really your biological grandchild and many people are different with step grands. Maybe you can help her out before it's too late, also. Many of the "problems" that you have with her may just be because of her age. It's that pre-teen age and you think you know it all. Also I don't know if you had daughters but some people will say they are harder at this age and if your other children were boys, that will make it harder for you. It's certainly going to be different. Also, she's older and had more influence from her mother and others in her life. It also sounded like she had to take care of herself a lot of the time and maybe she thinks she doesn't need help now? Plus she probably wasn't used to having rules or someone at least making sure she stuck by them. Zachery was pretty small and young when you got him so he's learning most of his stuff from you. YOu and your husband will be in most of his memories as a child and you'll have a great effect on who he becomes. I just greatly admire you for what you have taken on. Good luck with the future!

dcarch - I'm sure my 6 year old grandson would be thrilled if I would make a solar oven, but I'm not sure I'll go to that much bother (maybe another time). Thanks for the input though. lou - thanks for the ideas, those were really cute. katiec - thanks for the playdough recipe--that's a great idea. coconut - I'm trying to decide if I want to deal with painting messes. The ages are 2, 2 1/2, 3, 6 & 7. They would probably love it though. Maybe they could paint at the kids picnic table in the garage. :) grainlady - thanks for the link--looks like a lot of great ideas. Thanks so much everyone--lots of great ideas.

You would still have much empty space behind these doors. That is almost a little creepy to have that much space that sits empty under your roof...like a deserted hotel. Whether your house is big with a lot of out buildings or big with a lot of unused rooms, it adds up to being a lot to maintain and have it empty most of the time. It is almost a little sad and a little creepy. Two empty nesters waiting with a big house for all the kids and grandkids to come..... Realistically, for most people, they are not going to all come that often. They have their own life, careers, friends, other side of the family, etc. Maybe you should save your resources and use them to go and visit the kids and grandkids at their house and maybe have a rented place once or twice a year for a big family vacation. Otherwise, you are going to be two people living in a big empty house. Retire and travel and maybe take a kid or two with you, for experiences with grandma and grandpa. If you have a place that they all are expected to come to every time ,they may get to resent it because maybe they really wanted to go somewhere else or do something else. yet they have that obligation to you because you went and built that big house.......... and they are expected to do that, every holiday. As the grandkids get older they will have other areas of interest outside of the family and other obligations to school programs, sports, camps, etc. And, don't forget that you will be getting older, too. Life will change for you too. You might want to rethink saddling yourself to the commitment of a large piece of property that requires attention as you retire. Instead of anchoring yourself and your family there......go places with them and without them. You might find that the family memories that you create at the rented beach house with all of the cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. may turn out to be richer memories than of everybody dutifully gathering around a 30 pound turkey at the holidays at grandma and grandpas. Plan a vacation at Disney, or take a couple of the older ones on a trip to Spain, or arrange a ski vacation with them...whatever your means allow or your inclinations are. You could, maybe, consider retiring to some place that has some amenities and attraction so that there is something to do when any do come to visit, and maybe you only need a more reasonable sized house for a smaller crowd.

Bbstx, thanks for sharing the make-a fort. So many cool things on the market these days. All I need is some grandkids lol. I thought this looked pretty nifty as well. It seems parents like it for their kids who are spaced out in age as it's easy enough for very young to a bit older. Magnetic building. This would be so much easier on the feet than the small clip together blocks. Anyone remember accidentally stepping on those with your bare feet? https://www.amazon.com/Magna-Tiles-100-Piece-Clear-Colors-Award-Winning/dp/B000CBSNRY/ref=sr_1_60_sspa?crid=1D6JKJ6U5AD42&keywords=make+a+fort&qid=1658489921&sprefix=make+a+fort%2Caps%2C133&sr=8-60-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzTzlDOUk0MkdIWVFKJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMTE1OTc1MzJCNzdXV1cyVklONSZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNDk5NTE0MkEwN0NXSE9QRkhOViZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2J0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=