Sorry to hear your daughter is blackmailing you over this but stick to your guns. If she stops paying you’re screwed and too late in life to easily recover financially, if you recover at all.

If she threatens to move out of state call her bluff and be happy for her. If she’s struggling financially she may just be hoping to pull your strings as it’s not cheap to make such a move. If she is determined to leave there’s not much you can do to stop her, and if you cave in and buy the house she’ll just drag out the same threat next time she wants something else, since it worked before.

I'm so, SO sorry to hear this--How awful for you. Two things to try: First, look for a national or state/provincial Grandparents' Rights group--They'll give you emotional support and advise you of your rights.

Second, fight fire with fire. If you want access to your grandkids, you'll have to toughen up and think like HER instead of the loving parents you are. Refuse to be her victim and think objectively, without emotion. Build a case: It sounds like she might be unreliable as a parent. If she has substance abuse problems or has demonstrated ANY parental fitness issues in the past, document them. It's possible that, worst case scenario, you could sue for visitation or custody. Only you know if your grandsons are safe with her. Pray for peace, but prepare for war.

Finally, if you've been giving her regular cash infusions, realize that you hold the $ cards: She's bluffing. Be strong but realistic: If you must provide loans, document legally, hold title to all items and reposses for non-payment. It's possible to 'train' her to be responsible by demonstrating consequences, but she is who she is and you are who you are; It wouldn't be easy. If you have the funds, a visit to a family counsellor might give you some coping strategies. Above all, don't jeopardize your financial future for her--Until you demonstrate your strength in dealing with her, she won't respect you, and individual feel free to abuse people they don't respect.

Thank you