A policeman waved a lady motorist over to the curb and said, "Madam why have you no red light on the rear of your car?"

"Officer," she answered angrily, "it is not that kind of a car."

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.

"Don't know," the woman said.

He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rear view mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove up to them.

"This is my husband," the old woman said, "H doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either."

Hi schoolhouse,

I'd like to help you find your way to Des Moines as my ex- was born and raised there ...

... but she died something over 13 years ago ...

... several years younger than I, so not that ancient.

ole joyful

We used to have a cat that loved to lie right beside the fire, like really really close as possible without burning her fur. But, for some reason the warmth of the fire gave this cat the noisiest and smelliest gas. She would be sleeping away and we would be laughing at the noises and smells that she was producing.