Me: I'd bring magazines with the corners all folded back of COOL looking objects or expensive furniture/decor to show and discuss. Or bring my computer or camera and show off photos I've taken of wild life. I'm constantly pulling up videos for my husband, who's tired, wants to sit down, to show him. Yesterday I showed him this Porch thief glitter bomb video He loved it! It's visual, not a lot of thought needed to get a smile.

Happy things....things that make YOU smile will be contagious.

Just being present is a comfort.

My mother-in-law, though she has some dementia, can still play, and enjoys games. She has always enjoyed "Upwards", so I sometimes bring it and we play that.

What a good idea, Nicole! I know it can be tough when your mom isn't all there. In her later years/months, my mom didn't read anymore and didn't really pay attention to the tv either. But if we commented on something, she'd watch for a bit.

If she is tired or really out of it, would she be offended if you sat and read, Rob? Just knowing you are there must be sooo nice for her. Did you figure out a permanent placement for her, if you don't mind my asking?

I agree betsy, I'm enjoying her and laughing with her all I can. Occupational therapy came yesterday and it reminded us of how involved in Jazzercise she was. Had a different outfit for every day, went so much the instructors gave her gifts for Christmas. She couldn't believe it when we told her she was on the field for half time at the Tennessee Titans doing Jazzercise in the past. Made her smile from ear to ear. It made me sad she didn't remember it, but it made her happy.

She hates reading and finds it boring?! True!

She's going back home if she can continue what she's doing. There will be home health group that comes at least three times a week. We have her at home a bit longer. We're aiming for midyear next year for the permanent move. If we can.

Maybe take some old photo albums or a box of old photos to reminisce. Sometimes it’s the older memories that are triggered rather than the more recent memories.

I'm OK with sitting quietly. When my aunt is in the hospital, sometimes I'm there alone with her and we just sit together and hold hands. She'll be 100 in February. I did the same with my grandmother and stepfather.

I always felt awkward just sitting with my mother when she was really ill but I remembered that she always hated making small talk and enjoyed her own company so much that I just sat with her, held her hand, rubbed her legs idly, etc. I knew it would stress her if I tried to make her talk and talking was such an effort, I felt like I’d be torturing her. She had Parkinsonism and was pretty out of it most of the time.

make a playlist of her favorite music and play while you are there. bring a radio if she likes 'talk radio', that way you leave it on when u leave and she feels like she has 'company' and might keep her more in tune with the times if its 'news' radio vs. music.

my mom loved her forehead rubbed, so i would sit and just rub her head...

brush her hair, give a hand massage (very comforting), do her nails - even if its just a cut and file. do anything that gives her pleasure and comfort.

Reminiscing about your fondest memories probably would be enjoyable for you both. Bottom line, just holding her hand and being there is all you really have to do.

Would depend on the person but ask her if she wants you sitting there with you. My father was on of those that did not want anyone there when he had his stroke then in recovery. You can bring up things that you always wondered about but thought it was none of your business. It can help fill in the gaps that are sometimes left. It may be as simple as why she had something hung on the wall or why nothing was ever hung. Ask if she remembers her ancestors, grandparents, greats, aunts and uncles. You do not really need to do more than say you do not remember something. Yes hearing the same stories over and over again are tiring but if you want to talk rather than just sitting there. If there is no topic sit there and watch tv with her. For some it is the being there rather than interacting with each other.

Try to watch her face to see if she is becoming tired. I limit my visits with my husband to about twenty minutes because longer than that he fakes falling asleep. When I start seeing his face change I start my goodbyes.

Good ideas all around. ((((Hugs)))) to you and your mom.

Love all these suggestions, they’re so thoughtful. As I read your post, my heart also pained for my Mother who really loved this time of the year and Christmas elfing with all her girls.

Silence doesn’t always have to mean that you’re just waiting for the inevitable. When you’re not feeling 100% isn’t quiet often preferred by most people? And, doesn’t the quiet always seem like a more peaceful quiet when you know a loved one is close by? Your presence is what matters, it sends a caring message and needs no words.

I'm chiming in just to agree with everyone else. Just go and sit with her; let her control the visit. I know you just being there means the world to her. Sitting in silence may be tough but having you by her side makes her stronger.

((((Rob))))

If she is not interested or no longer able to read herself, why not read to her? Even as a perfectly healthy and voracious reader myself, I still enjoy being read to....which is what audiobooks are :-) You just get to supply the 'audio' part! I'd pick something with a very engrossing story line or plot in a genre she'd enjoy and make it a routine of reading however many chapters you think is appropriate at each visit.

Would she enjoy you reading to her? Just being there is a comfort, too.

If you think she'd enjoy it, you could read aloud to her. Your voice would be more appreciated than an audiobook. When my mom was in the nursing home, she wanted my sister and I to sing to her. So we did that a lot. I know she loved that. My DSis and I also talked to each other and I know mom loved that too, not needing to participate but just listening to us. I hope you find some helpful suggestions. (((Rob))) ETA: Gardengal and I crossed posted. Anglo too.

She really hates reading. Sorry, nothing has made her like books in the past and it won't work to read to her.

She basically wants out of the joint, and I can't blame her. She does enjoy talking and my being there. I'll still go, but I just wondered what others do. Thank you for your kind thoughts and suggestions.

Hubby and I spend hours at the hospital, him getting infusions, and of course the last while, together.

I took reading material, sudoku books, bottles of juice for us to drink, munchies. It didn't matter if we spoke much or not. It was important that we were together.

If she is up to it, bring something to eat or a good cup of coffee. Sometimes the food in facilities is not up to par, the patient is not feeling well, and nothing is enticing enough to get them to eat. Of course, follow any medical advice about diet.

And really, just being there counts for more than you will ever know.

Bring snacks, radio, give her a back massage, old photo albums and view them together, a few items from her home, tell her what you've been doing all day, remind her of days gone by when you laughed together, do her nails.

We chat a bit and I take cues from the other person letting them lead if they are so inclined. Often, we end up discussing a topic of concern to the general public. The last person I visited asked me about global warming; Does it exist; What is the evidence. That topic lasted the remainder of my allotted time.

Is there a tv in her room? You could bring her some movies to watch. Maybe a few simple card games you can play together. You could bring her some flowers or a small houseplant for her to enjoy. I know people love flowers in the hospital (preferably something that doesn't require a ton of water so you can water it for her when you visit). Does she have any favorite foods? If yes bring her what she loves...whatever it is. Also the massage and pictures are nice ideas.

I surprised no one has mentioned reading Psalms, singing hymns and singing Christmas carols. I've seen patients that couldn't recognize their family members but still knew every word to every verse of hymns & carols. That was the most comforting time for them.

Raye, I love the music events at my parents' facility. It's amazing to see people who seem totally unresponsive start to sing when prompted by a touch on the hand. Recently my mother, at 94, started to sing along to Proud Mary! Who knew?! Pretty sure she didn't sing along with it back when it was on the radio all the time.

Visiting depends on the person. When I see my dad, even when he was in the hospital and now in rehab and skilled nursing, we talk about the finances, historic events that occurred on that day, family stories (I've learned so much family gossip!). My brother comes and talks about his golf swing and old tournaments. My husband brings a beer, a glass, and peanuts on Bears game days.

Visiting my mom is different. I like to take her for a walk, I wheel her around the facility or the courtyard, or go outside on the grounds. We stop in the lobby for a coffee, or maybe I bring a high-calorie coffee drink or shake from some place along the way for her. They both love it when we bring a little coffee cake to have with coffee, like at home. I help mom with some beauty regimen. I tell her what I made for dinner last night, or I join in with whatever activity is going on. (Which is also a nice way to get to know the other residents. I notice that, now that I can say "Hello, Ernie" or whoever, I get a smile from them just by walking in the room.)

When I was in the hospital years ago, my mom would come and take me for walks around the halls. We'd go gaze at the babies in the nursery (can't do that anymore for security reasons) and a couple of times she brought some table accessories and we brought our meal to a garden area. That was so nice.

I haven't had to visit a friend in the hospital for a long time, thank goodness. That can be a little harder, but I tend to keep visits under 30 minutes. When we were in high school we visited a friend at lunch time and brought hamburgers from the hospital cafeteria (they were really good) and we'd have lunch together, maybe help her with makeup or shave her legs (weird the first time!) or rearrange her room to her liking. She was there for over a month after our car accident, so she got bored fast.

I don't have much to add to all of the wonderful advice you've received. When my MIL was in the hospital, after a few minutes of chatting, she liked us to sit with her and watch her favorite television programs. She was a Game Show Channel fan and we'd watch several episodes of Family Feud and play along.

Best of luck to you and your mom.