Thoughts plz...any reason a 19 yr old boy needs to be out all night?
always1stepbehind
5 years ago
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Texas_Gem
5 years agoalways1stepbehind
5 years agoRelated Discussions
21yrs old + struggling w/ loss of both parents
Comments (6)Heather, I had an experience that was so real. I wanted to share it with you in hopes that it will help you with your loss. I know how hard it is to be here without your mother. My pain is great too but I was comforted by God. Here's what happened: I loved my mother so much. I was an only daughter so she was my mom, my sister, and my best friend. One day she was in the hospital, she had emphysema and I knew that she did not have much longer to live. I remember standing in the shower and saying prayers for her to get well. I live 400 miles away from her and could not be at her side. At the very moment that my prayer ended I received a reply. The response came to me first from my heart and then to my head. It said, "Why all the prayers if you do not go see the person?" At that moment I had greater wisdom then so many in my position. I ran from the shower dripping in a towel and hugged my husband in tears. I told him I have to go, my mom is sick. I have to spend as much time with her as I can. He said go. Be with your mom. I quit my job so I could spend as much time as possible with her. From that point forward I had four wonderful years with her helping to ease her pain and fear before she passed. And my story does not end there.... My mother did finally pass and of course I was devastated and beyond grief. I cried a solid two years. My heart would not heal. At night I would dream of her. She would be sick and I would be there praying for her to make it though it but she didn't and when I awoke, I knew the dream was for real. I had a very, very hard time moving on. I could not stop crying. Hardly for a moment. My face was raw from the salt of my tears. And then again one night I was having another nightmare dream about her. I remember sobbing in the dream. But this time a young man in a suit came a placed his hand on my shoulder. At that moment I felt safe and I just knew that he was an angel. I knew it was okay to go with him and I did. We began to walk and he spoke to me. I will never forget his words, "You have no idea how fortunate you are. You are going to have the opportunity to sit down and meet with God. So many people would love to have this chance that you are going to get. God wants to speak to you about your Mother. You are suppose to share this with others and he knows that you will." Then we reached a room and he said, "This is not how it is, we have created this for your benefit. God will come in and he will look like an ordinary man." In this room was a big desk with a chair in front of it. I felt like I was in a job interview. I sat in the chair and I waited for a moment. A tall dark haired man came into the room. I could not tell you all his features just that he was wearing a very nice suit and tie and he had big loving eyes. He knew my name reached across the desk to shake my hand and said, "Hello Nicole. How are you?" I must have squeaked a hello and a okay. Then I saw his big brown eyes. These eyes gave me a feeling of intense love. They seemed to look into my heart and shoot safe and soothing feelings at me. And he said this to me.... "Nicole, I want you to know your Mom is okay. She's not alone. She's with me and she's happy. It's okay, she's not alone." He seemed to know that a huge part of my grief was that I was separated from her and I didn't want her to be alone without the family. I knew that was a big part of my grief. He kept stressing that she was with him and not alone. Then he said, "She's happy, she's not sick anymore and she can breathe." I was sobbing at this point just sitting in that chair. I could hardly look at him. Then he asked, "Would you like to see her one more time?" "Oh, yes, please, yes, yes, yes!" was my answer. "Okay, we're going to set that up for you." and he called the angel back into the room. He told the angel, "We're going to go ahead and set it up for her to see her mom. Go ahead and take her to the room for her to see her." I was brought to a big room. It was lowly lit with chairs all the way around the room like a reception room at a doctor's office. There was a door across the room and through that door came my mom! She didn't look sick anymore. She looked like she did back in the 1970's. She was so pretty. She ran over to the chair next to mine and hugged and kissed me. I could smell her hair. I hugged her neck and kissed that favorite spot on her temple. I loved her so much. I told her that over and over. She told me she loved me too. The she spoke sharply to me, "Stop worrying about me. I'm okay. I'm not alone. You have a whole life ahead of you and a wonderful husband. Go back and be a good wife to him. Be happy again!" She was kind of mad at me. All I could say was that I knew she was right. Then she said she had to go back and I have to go back. I said okay. She got up and went back through her door and as she did, I turned and went back through my door. As soon as I passed though my door. I could see my body sleeping in the bed. I sped like a bullet to it and as soon as I hit my body I woke up. Then I went back to sleep and the whole dream came back to me the next morning. I hope this will help others with their grief. I have more to share if you think it might help. I don't know why I was chosen for this, I am an ordinary woman and not so perfect and good. I have sins too. But I do seem to have a special connection and I know that I am blessed. Respectfully submitted, Nicole...See MorePlease help my 4 yr old is throwing out of control tantrums
Comments (9)You must be exhausted! First thing I'd do is talk to the preschool and get more information. Please ask them to speak frankly to you and NOT to sugar-coat things -- that you think there's something going on and you need their help. You said he doesn't know his colors and that he's "behind" -- exactly how? Ask about his speech, social skills, coping skills, fine and gross motor skills, ability to follow directions. What activities does he do over and over again? Which ones does he avoid? Are there any activities that are hard for him or that seem to stress him? Take notes and write it all down. Again, if you get the little spiel about how "sweet" your little boy is and how much they love him, thank them politely, but get down to the nitty gritty brass tacks. I'd also ask if it's possible to observe your son while he's there without being observed yourself. Let them know you're having some discipline problems at home, and since they don't seem to be, you'd like to see what's working so well for them. Even if you can't watch, just hearing about some of their techniques will help. Next, Google 'Disorder of Sensory Integration' or DSI. In a nutshell, it describes a set of symptoms where some children can't handle the types of ordinary sensory inputs (sights, sounds, sensations, tastes, smells) that most people can handle with ease. A typical child with DSI can be driven absolutely nuts by the seams on socks or labels on T-shirts, by the sensation of squishy mud or the sound of the vacuum cleaner. Other children with DSI won't be at all bothered by messy diapers, a skunk's smell, extreme temperatures or have minimal sensitivity to pain. Kids with DSI expereince severe discomfort, anxiety and even pain when confronted by the types of ordinary stimuli that surround most of us everyday. It's the kind of situation that can cause extreme and bizarre-seeming behavior in children that can look like ADD or even autism. The types of severe tantrums you're describing could very well be a child 'downloading' the stress of his day at pre-school in an environment he knows is safe. In a sense, he's having to work very hard to 'keep it together' at school and just falls apart when he hits home and can finally relax. The other thing I'd do is have a long talk with your speech path. Does he/she specialize in children? And if so, in children with special needs? (If not, consider switching.) If he/she has a few years experience and sees a lot of kids with developmental disorders, ask her what she thinks. True, she won't be qualified to give you any sort of diagnosis, but she SHOULD be able to give you an idea of what kind of specialist you may want to consult, or better yet, suggest a name or two....See MoreMy 18 yr old son met his father for the 1st time
Comments (10)What would happen if your son said, fine, dad, I'm all in favor of forgiveness & putting the past behind us; let's just get the business part of it out of the way first; you just pay mom what the court says you owe her & I'm your boy, okay? Your situation reminds me of something my old roommate Laurie told me: Her mom, Fran, divorced her dad & didn't take one cent in settlement; Fran had been a homemaker her whole adult life; she didn't have the funds to fight her ex in court, & she knew she couldn't help her daughters financially, so she agreed to waive her rights if Laurie's father would pay for college for both their daughters. Laurie talked to her dad at least once a week, & he knew she was paying for her college with loans & grants, & he never offered to help. There were weeks when she ate ramen noodles, & he never offered to help. Laurie's younger sister was living with their mother, Fran, in their home country, where Fran had returned to take care of her mother & to get a job with a relative. At that time, international phone bills were prohibitively expensive, so Laurie hardly ever got to talk to her mother. When the younger sister graduated from high school, she came to Texas & got in touch with Laurie, & Laurie helped her get a scholarship. About 6 months later, Fran came to Texas to visit her daughters; when she found out that the girls had had *no* help whatsoever, she blew a gasket & called their father. made no difference; The father claimed that he would have helped the girls if they had *needed* it, but that they were doing fine on thier own. so Fran got no settlement, her daughters got no help, & her ex kept all the money....See MoreProblems with my 19 yr old step daughter
Comments (32)Theotherside... can you read? Or do you just actively ignore what is said? SHE HAS REFUSED COUSELING OF ANY SORT! Yes I would be happy to help find a program for her but right now it won't do her any f** good if she refuses to go. And pray tell me when do you CONSIDER HER AN ADULT??? She is an adult as she blurts out all the time.. The law sees her as an adult. You say around 30, good fight the laws to where parents can make decision for their kids until that age. I am not allowed to make decisions for her any longer... So how do I help someone who doesn't want the help. I really grow weary of your ignorance... oh and by the way her drug of choice is METHANPHETAMINE!!! We would not be having this conversation if it was were pot. No if she were 14 and out of control I could send her to freekin rehab! I could do something about it... Oh and you forgot to post your address :) Your thoughts on parental responsibility is ridiculous and absolutely ignorant.... How do you do something about it... (other than disscussing it with her) At 19 she is an ADULT! Let's put it this way say you had a foster child in your home and they had turned 19 and you found out they were using and became a danger to YOUR other children... You're telling me you would still allow them to stay under your roof? If so you are in my opinion as well as that of the law UNFIT... You parental responsibilities is to protect the minor children you are responsible for. It doesn't mean you can't try to help that older child. But you can't allow their habits to harm your other children... But when they refuse help there is NOTHING you can do! Really do you live in the 50's still? where kids are like "Golly gee ma, I'll do anything you say." You act as if after 18 years of age we have power over them... When in other forums you encourage children to not speak to their parents... Well using your theory these people probably weren't 30 yet so they weren't responsible for any affairs or anything else they were doing. Their parents should have been helping them... Quit being a hypocryte it is either one way or another... People are adults at 18 responsible for their own actions and choices/ or they are children for ever and can blame parents for the rest of their lives!!! You can not pick and choose!!! I mean really in you theory a drug addicted man at 25 yrs old murders someone and it is his parents fault??? What cult are you in? I apologize for my anger but your thoughts don't make sense from one forum to the next. You cange your mind like the wind blows... "She's just a kid, He should have known better, they don't deserve forgiveness, They should always be forgiven" So what the heck is it... Make up your mind on where you stand with the issues before you jump on someones..... case. :)...See Moreraee_gw zone 5b-6a Ohio
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