Hope everything is settled before your in-laws arrive. Dealing with the disruption of a major remodel, while hosting long term houseguests, is not an ideal situation. Hope all goes well and that stress is at a minimum, so that you can enjoy that Indian cooking, as well as your new kitchen.

you're very stressed

and she might be also very stressed

but maybe not with you

maybe she just learned that her MIL comes too..on November 1st..

don't put it all on yourself..life is life. overall you'rev pleased with how things go with them..tomorrow will be another day(c)

it also takes time to figure out answers to all your questions. talking to all the guys involved, blahblah. maybe she wants to get back to you with some actual info, you know? and today, for some reason, it takes longer

we also had a week between moving in, after 2 years remodel (year and a half active phase..because our team, they didn't come every week 4 times a week, among other things lol)-and my Mom's arrival

during that week of me frantically unpacking and making it all guests-ready, hanging curtains and whatnot-my cousin from Boston called and asked to come and stay too..)) as she rarely sees my Mom

the only drain they didn't touch during the remodel had a huge leak. So three days went to fixing that. Was finished a day before they flew in. Somehow my cousin decided that to come on the same day my Mom comes is a great idea..

in short I understand

To be totally honest, I would pay the change cost to reschedule your guests flights by 3 weeks. You are creating stress for zero return. And you are leaving no time for the inevitable minor last minute fixes.

please send your mother in law up to boston i'm tired of making my own roti.

I agree with the poster above who suggested rescheduling the flights out for another couple of weeks. A renovation is stressful enough, in laws arriving would put me over the top on stress levels and I don't need that in my life. Having said that, I know from experience that I can't have my MIL in the house for more than a few hours, definitely not 5 months.

Ask the contractor to come by and have a frank conversation about schedule and what is realistic. Then rebook accordingly for the flights. You do want to enjoy the new kitchen and it would be nice to enjoy the process of getting the kitchen too. It sounds like you've found a good contractor and that is worth gold in my opinion. And ideally, have this conversation when your husband isn't around with his "improved timeline spreadsheet". Put hubby in charge of telling his parents that the visit has to be moved out and tell him that NO is not an acceptable answer on that issue.

Ask the office manager what works best for her as far as communicating when you are concerned about things that seem to have gone awry. If she is the bulwark against customer anxiety—and she might have a lot of experience with it—honor her role. Let her be in charge....she might know a thing or two. Maybe you could both agree to touch base once a week or so? Ask whether she prefers in person, in office or Skype.

Sounds like your MIL goofed with the timeline. Could you take her on a scenic trip while the house is finished up? Put her on a plane to visit some other relatives?

Four texts in three hours? "Please , please , please, ??" There you go. That is akin to asking/calling the receptionist at the dermatology office to PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE get back to you regarding the mole on your fanny six times in a single day. Not happening.

Her JOB is to move all projects to completion in a PROFITABLE for her employer method of "no downtime". Her life is a Rubic Cube of who is where, and emergency room triage. She was polite enough NOT to respond to the second text. Even more especially that third one

Oh Charles....................Sophie would have FLATTENED the op: ) The only thing missing here is the phone in the op's HAND.

The permanent "purple" answer ..........: )To this and many other questions

I have a good friend who is a contractor. I heard him say once that among his worst clients were those that ‘rode me like a saddle.’

Thanks for the perspective everyone. I think I'm just going a little cuckoo from the anxiety, which is not the contractor's to manage. Yesterday was also a particularly weird day, with multiple people in and out, a power outage, and a couple of decisions that needed to be made. Part of the problem with contractors that work fast is that when issues come up, they need to be dealt with fast as well. It's good problem to have, but it's still a problem :-)

Just to be clear, I'm not knocking the contractor in any way. She/they are GREAT, and they are trying to get everything done well in time. It looks like my in-laws will be here while painting is still going on, but that's not as big a deal. Their own flat in Delhi took THREE YEARS to complete, so two extra weeks is nothing!

On the bright side, cabinets are coming today, and the bathroom is almost done (needs a door and a showerhead). Whaddaya think?

"Before" pictures · More Info

"Before" pictures · More Info

"Before" pictures · More Info

And if someone could let Sophie know that yes, the cement board is waterproofed under there, I would appreciate it!

i think your in laws must be very slender....

Sophie would applaud you for coming in from the "ledge" . My heavens #hashtagetgetagriponitfortheloveofheaven might be expected.

I'd take the "thank you so much for helping us get to the finish line every day" Milk and cookies, or a day ending ice cold beer: ) It takes what it takes, and frankly, given a Jersey locale? Start counting your blessings rather than days on the calendar, The in laws will manage.....

I hope she has a dear friend logging in to see this stuff and forward to her. I PRAY SHE DOESN'T SEE THAT TOILET. Let us pray....are they REALLY skinny? Call the ambulance now. You could hurt yourself on that. Not kidding...: ( Not to code either!!!

Haha, they're not particularly thin! The shower is 32X60, (standard bathtub size), and they were fine using the bathtub upstairs. It looks off in the picture, but is fairly roomy in real life. I'm pretty sure their tub/shower in India is smaller than this one... (crosses fingers)

For folks looking for Sophie,

https://www.gardenweb.com/discussions/5513253/bring-sophie-back#23104977

@ Jan Moyer. Crap! I just went down and measured... 28 inches! How did that happen? Toilet location and vanity location haven't changed. The toilet was fairly new, so we didn't replace it. It's still 15 inches from center to the wall, so the new vanity must be slightly bigger? The old powder room was tiny, but to code!

I think I'm just going a little cuckoo from the anxiety, which is not the contractor's to manage. Yesterday was also a particularly weird day

NJ Mom, any remodel is stressful. Make sure you're getting enough sleep, take breaks (Houzzz/GW doesn't count lol), go for a walk, have a cup of tea or coffee, do some yoga or meditate.

@ Jan Moyer: thanks for the cartoon. I love it. It would be even better if it were "photoshopped" to put Sophie in the driver's seat of the steam roller.

LOL! I thought the same thing!!

Perfect, Jan!

A Sophie-ism, “If you’re running late, shoulda left earlier.”. Your project should have started at least a month earlier for your needed deadline. All you can do at this point is be thankful that you have good quality workers working. Many are not that fortunate.

Time for a bottle of wine and some chocolate. For you, and for the office manager. An apology for going overboard because of the stress of your in laws impending visit will go a long way to getting you as much priority as can be given, considering the multiple projects and timelines. Everyone understands in laws making you crazy!

Continue to follow up with the occasional sandwich at lunch, or beer after 5 for the crew, and the office manager. And develop some alternate strategies for being without a kitchen. Likely, you already have had to do to get through it so far. But communicate those strategies to the in laws, so they have the right expectations for their visit as well. I think you’ll be surprised at how understanding everyone is about being in the middle, rather than the end, of the project. If it hasn’t happened to them, it will!

I'm trying really hard not to turn this thread into a litany of complaints about family issues. But suffice it to say, there was no "needed deadline" two weeks ago! I was not privy to the discussions about the length of the visit or booking tickets, I've tried and tried and CRIED about trying to change the tickets, and there is no budging on this issue.

But my living room is full of cabinet boxes, and wood floors are going in now, and the last bits of drywall are being spackled, and *sigh*. It is what it is, I guess.

But suffice it to say, there was no "needed deadline" two weeks ago! I was not privy to the discussions about the length of the visit or booking tickets, I've tried and tried and CRIED about trying to change the tickets, and there is no budging on this issue.

Then think how wonderful this visit will be for your inlaws and kids, who likely don't get to see each other much or for long : ) .

This is a cultural issue I believe? Or..could hubby be an engineer as you did say the dreaded spreadsheet word. By way of explanation: It is quite possible in a nice OLD Italian family, you would be the decider of all timetables, and all involved bend to a PLEASE don't mess with Mama Mantra?? "There will be no sauce for a MONTH! " Alas.................aurrggghhhhhhh am I right? : ) on either possibility? Hang in. Hotel and restaurants abound in Jersey.

Yes to both. Husband is a Product manager for an Internet Company You Have Definitely Heard Of, so spreadsheets are his lifeblood. We're an Indian family, so Mother-in-law rules everything. When she comes, my house becomes her house, and my kitchen becomes her kitchen. In fact one of the reasons we undertook such an extensive renovation was to make their long stays much more comfortable. Under normal circumstances, I would not be stressing out about their visit. But a renovation is NOT a normal circumstance, and the timing is just................................

i expected you were Indian from previous posts and relatives visiting for months. my husband (also an engineer) has many Indian colleagues with similar visitations, even tho they may live in 1 bedroom apartments - they give the parents their bedroom and sleep on a pull out couch for months. they look for senior center bridge clubs to amuse their mother in laws... it was really quite amazing to learn about this. but they also bring me interesting foods and spices and cookbooks and good straight ended roti tongs which cannot be found here, so i've been a beneficiary. (no, we are not Indian but I try to cook authentically).

I sympathize with the dominant MIL. It WILL make you crazy. Plan out one spa day per week and another half day of you time for the whole time they are there. Schedule it now! Then all you have to say is that you have a time commitment that you need to honor, and go get that massage.

#bringsophieback

I'm sure Sophie's steamrolling the newbies is highly entertaining for
those who've been here a while, but I've often felt sorry for the
clueless newcomer who has been "flattened" by her acerbic comments.
Small wonder they often abandon their own threads and run for the
hills. Sure the truth hurts ... especially when it's delivered with a punch in
the face. I used to be shocked by her delivery, but after seeing the same thing over and over and over again, I was shocked if she didn't say something shocking. She's certainly not for the faint of heart.

wellllll we needn't worry. The "Where's Sophie' thread is zapped. G.O.N.E

Unfortunately, disappearing threads has become the norm around here.

I used to have a landscaping team that I dearly loved. I asked them if they ever did special projects and they said "Yes, we have a list of special projects. If your name gets to the top of the list and we don't like you then we drop you back to the bottom of the list" Between your husbands spread sheet and your frequent texting you got dropped to the bottom of the list. As others have said, I would send flowers, cookies and a sweet note to get yourself back on the top of the list.

"She's certainly not for the faint of heart."

Nor is the internet. If it were that.......it wouldn't BE the internet. Going outdoors is not for the faint of heart, apparently : ) Unless you have a guard dog, safe room or Mom.

True that.

I vote for your MIL to "help" you pack your childhood mementoes for the move and tell your kids a story about each one of them. This might eat up a few days?

My MIL’s ashes are in our garage. Ideal, really.

My late MIL could turn me into a looney in just an hour or two. Five months, and I’d have been in a straight jacket, drooling on myself. I know it’s a cultural thing. DGS plays squash and we’d often see the Indian grandparents at tournaments all winter, during their annual visits.

She might get stuck between the vanity and the wall, and she'll be on the pot for five months and you get the kitchen to yourself?

NJ Mom:

If I may be blunt, I'm betting your contractor regrets selecting you as a customer.

Latifolia - lol!!!

Jan too! Wicked!

If you feel you're not getting what you need from the office manager, talk to the contractor him/herself. They can tell you a) if you're following their communication protocol, b) what that is (including response time expectations) if you're not, c) and come up with a plan moving forward where you feel you're being heard but working within their system. We have a communications procedure flowchart we give new clients so they know who handles what and how to initiate questions.

As an owner I'd want to know if there was the perception that one of my staff was perceived as being an obstacle to the process. Then it'd be on me to determine if that perception is valid and counsel the employee, or if it's invalid and how we can structure something with the customer so they feel they're being heard.

And I'd wager 100% of contractors and other pros see an engineer coming at them with an unsolicited spreadsheet and immediately wish they had a giant catapult at their disposal. Best of luck with the family visit, my MIL is an easy houseguest and I'm ready for one of us to go by day 4.

I would give my left arm to have gaps of no more than 3-4 days on jobs.

Deep breath, find a nice basket of bath products for MIL and a list of good restaurants to get you all through the final renovation stages.

"Though flowers AND cookies or doughnuts with a nice card of apology sent
to the office might get you back on that "fast with almost no downtime"
schedule."

" ... send the office manager a gift card to a local spa with an
apology. It’s probably overkill but it couldn’t hurt to get back on her
good side."

You mean I've been doing it wrong this entire time I've been in business? I need to stop answering the phone and texts when my customers try to contact me! I could use a spa day and some flowers. Don't forget the cookies.

NJ Mom, definitely fix the toilet/vanity situation (too tight). Take your time and it will all be okay. Sounds like you have a great contractor and crew and it will all come together. Ashwagandha - which I know you might be familiar with.....works wonders for stress! L-Theanine, GABA, Ashwagandha is a great combo! You are one of the fortunate one's to be able to do a beautiful remodel, so enjoy the process. MIL will be here 5 months, so no rush. Doesn't have to be perfect now....