but prof. nice guy didn't ask about staying or leaving... exactly. He said he wanted to meet a woman who was more fun *& that his therapist encouraged him to do so*. which sounds like a lie. In fact, his initial post reads a little like a singles ad ("my sisters-in-law describe me as 'funny & sweet'", "I want to meet a woman who likes to laugh", etc) His request for 'advice' reads a lot like he's fishing for permission/approval/blessing,("it would be nice to keep my marriage but be emtionally close to someone, too") Snort! & his statement that his wife is willing to have sex without emotional involvement but he wants the involvement sounds really really strange, since it's backwards to what usually happens (woman wants emotional closeness, man willing to have sex without it). like he made it up & he's seeing what response it'll get. One of the worst experiences of my life was many years ago, when I was young & inexperienced & a married man caused me a lot of aggravation, but, as a result, my "married man on the prowl" detector still works pretty well:. I had been dating this guy for several weeks when I learned that he was married. only, as he said, since it didn't have anything to do with what went on between us, he didn't think he needed to mention it. He saw nothing wrong with lying to me, lying to his wife, complicating my life, his wife's life, his children's lives, heck, he wasn't worried about complicating *anybody's* life, as long as he could have dinner/clean house/charming children...& dates. It was degrading to be manipulated & lied to like that, it was mortifying to discover that I was the "other woman", & it was humiliating to extricate myself from the situation & answer the questions my friends asked about the "new guy" I had been so happy about. but the guy sort-of mentally shrugged & decided that I was just as crazy/needy/irrational as his wife, *since I was having a good time*... until I found out about this little bit of (irrelevant & superfluous) information. This is a married man on the prowl, looking for approval/justification, & he posted this to see what kind of objections he'd get, so he can refine his approach to the next "woman who likes to laugh" that he runs into in the real world. betcha.

He wants sex but you're never in the mood? If you're looking for a bunch of women to sit here and tell you you're right and he doesn't appreciate what he has, don't read my post. What I will say might make you mad.... but then if you give any attempt at following my advice it will save your relationship. Go pick up a copy of "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura. There are comments after comments from men who were unhappy in their marriages. The comment is there, over and over - "My wife won't sleep with me, I think she doesn't love me." You gave an example of how HE started a fight earlier in the day.... looks to me like YOU started the fight. I'll repost here: "We were walking out of Walmart and he was carrying four 12 packs of soda. I asked if he wanted them in the trunk or the backseat, he said he didn't care. I asked again for him to just pick one, and an argument broke out. I told him all I wanted was for him to answer the question, he said he did, I said I just wanted him to pick one of the choices I gave him. He told me to get over it, and get over myself. Told me it didn't matter, I should just accept his answer, make the decision myself, and get over it. I told him that at the moment I was over him. He said he didn't care." So.... he didn't care if you put some soda in the trunk or the back seat, and you demanded that he give you an answer? What a controlling thing to do. "Just pick one," you said.... wow, that's rude. Why does he have to pick one? Why did you demand he pick one instead of just accepting that he really didn't give a flying woohoo if the pop went in the back seat or trunk? I'll break down the psychology on what happened there. You asked him to pick something. He gave an honest answer - it made no difference to him. You took that as him not caring about you in some way, and you made a power grab. "Just pick one." You were trying to control him. You started the fight because it bothered you that he didn't care. You said, "I just wanted him to pick one of the choices I gave him." Why did he have to do what you wanted him to do? Why were you so demanding? Because you wanted the control. By now, you have either matured a lot and realized you don't need to demand an answer from him or you have split. By now, you have hopefully realized that whether you like it or not, sex, and enjoying sex, is part of your duties in your marriage, just like sleeping in the same bed with you is part of your husband's duty. Now, just so you have some background on me.... I have taken a chunk out of my day to write this to you because I was once in your position. I felt like my husband didn't love me. He also didn't want to hang out with me. After a huge fight, he told me he wasn't happy with me. So I got pissed. I felt abandoned. I didn't feel like sleeping with him so he didn't get any. I also started petty little fights with him all the time. (By the way, I know why you did that, it's because there's so much hurt and resentment lying just under the surface boiling and wanting to come out). I don't know what causes it... but I felt like I had the right to demand that my husband answer stupid questions like "where should I put the pop," too. And all it did was make me miserable. So, here's how I fixed it. I read that stupid book by Dr. Laura (whom I really don't like anyway). I learned about what my husband thought about me. I learned about how he thinks. I learned that when I say "I'm not in the mood" he hears "I don't love you." If you want to keep your man, you'll figure out how to get in the mood. You'll actually eventually enjoy and need it, too. Next, I promised myself I was going to let the little arguments go. I was going to work on being extra nice, even when I didn't think he was being nice to me or I thought he was being rude. Please understand, we used to scream at each other and break up. Neighbors once complained about our fighting. Our kid was involved. It wasn't an easy mess to fix, but I promise it was MY mess to fix. I'm so glad I did. By putting my guard down and just putting love out there toward him (AND SEX), I found my best friend. And he knows how lucky he is to have me, and I can't imagine life without him, even for a minute. I wish you the best of luck in your journey :)

After the bath, a couple shriveled, clearly not liking it. But it's definitely satisfying to see white dots floating in the water. I left them out to dry and started to pick more stubborn bugs from some of my plants. Most of them were motionless, so I assumed the soap bath did the trick. So I left the rest alone. Nuked all the soil of new pots with boiling water, followed by a 4 minute cook off in the microwave. I set them off to dry for a few days, and I tried to pot them up last night. And guess what? The mealies SURVIVE!! Except for those that I had picked on, the rest still had tiny bugs crawling in them. You can call them eggs, larvae whatever, I got fed up. Took out my tub of rubbing Alcohol dunk half a containerful with more dish soap, and yanked everything into the concoction. Rinsed them into another tub of water, and set them off to dry again. This time I inspected every single one. Miraculously, no white stuff or survivors. I'm guessing it worked. The poor remaining plantlets all don't look good. I guess only time will tell if these all can be saved. Will continue to update... Oh, and I also found infestations on my new jades too, thankfully I caught the spread and am now containing it, or at least am trying to..

How I Loooooove these cat stories!! I couldn't help getting a few tears in my eyes but so many more laughs!!! At 73, I can't say I ever remember a time I didn't have at least one weaving in and out of my legs, tail up, meowing either for attention or food. A few even tried to use me as a scratching post !lol My bff in IL takes in rescues, and at the moment has 21 or 22. The 100 yo historic home she bought 9 years ago came with 2 separate garages, one housing the majority of the kitties, the other is used for storage, but she always keeps the big door open a foot at the bottom, and knows *other* critters take part in the 'vittles' also. Sthe has either 4 or 5 in the house, one being a mama cat w/7 kittens, the very start of her rescue 'mission'. She gave away 2 of those kittens(after neutering!),and never stopped regretting it. They have all found a forever home with her. Her vet/food costs are insane, and when I visited in the summer we found worms in one of the litter pans, and in a two day period, took every cat into the vet to be dewormed. That was $400. It's neverending work! Whenever I call she's scooping, feeding, or rocking one of them in the old rocking chair that was moved out to the garage. She also donates to almost every animal organization known to man, even if it's only $5. She's a one-woman rescue shelter, and I wish I were closer to help. We always say we like animals more than people because animals can't help their situatuon, but people usually can.