The metro Nashville children started back to school and my son wasn't one of them. Which was good and bad. We have worked together all summer and I have delighted in it. Just knowing he's a building or two over gives me great joy. He's had a laser focus to do the work he wants his whole life. He finished high school a distinguished scholar, and won a competitive internship studying biomedical informatics at an academic research institution. He's made connections. He's had fun. He's even done hard work. His PI at work is a man whose seen military battles and not just any part, the area where they save lives. LF's work was to figure out how to take video images taken in the back of ambulances and have them fed into a computer which became a heatmap image for those back at the hospital to know what part of the patient's body a medic is working on. That way, they can prepare for the patient. You can't hear in combat, there is little time to convey injuries to the hospital unit, and this is the route his PI has taken to find a way to streamline their time and save even more lives. It's groundbreaking, incredibly important work. My boy gave a presentation on his teensy (only a couple of month's work is all he got to do since it's a summer internship) part of the work the last couple of weeks. He's running more data and getting ready to pass on the coding he did to his boss.

We're down to the last few days before he goes away to university. He's attending in the foothills of the Appalachians and he relishes the thought of riding his bike in the trails and snow skiing over winter break. All I see is the yogurt containers dwindling in the refrigerator. They make me sadder than sad. They're a part of his morning meal (I eat at the hospital for whatever strikes my fancy). Don't get me wrong, I love that he's well prepared for getting his PhD, eager to get beyond undergraduate. He even wants to come back here for that terminal portion. But I will miss him terribly. So much! so much. We've always been close, never had that I hate you mom, I didn't ask to be born moment that teenagers have. He's cut his adult teeth, but never needed to lash out to find his way and it's been all the more precious. He's a kind kind soul. I used to count the containers making sure he'd have enough to last until the next grocery run. I've quit counting because there are exactly 14 left. 2 more weeks and he'll be gone. I'm crying every day now. I can't imagine what it will be like when he's actually gone. Cats aren't very good huggers ;) so they won't fill the absence.

I started therapy last August because, I thought, of the impending departure of my beloved baby. Boy, was I wrong. I am well pleased with my work as a parent (not perfect, but no regrets) and really proud of the person he's become; that he's made of himself! My only difficulty is that I will miss him. I truly feel fulfilled. I was actually having a midlife crisis last August. Go figure, since I was 50 years old. Happened like clockwork (grin). I am now coming to terms with, "I can do anything I want"... but I don't have to be has been added. I went to click on the button to apply for a Master's in Healthcare Law and immediately changed my mind. Loyola and Emory were my go-tos. I realized, it'd be 3-7 years of work..... and why couldn't I finish applying? I had to realize it wasn't even lack of funds (I could likely get a scholarship since it's law and I'm female). It wasn't even a lack of time. I will have loads of that soon. It's that I'm only going to work 15-20 more years, and it wasn't worth the time sink. So I'm coming to terms with there are some things I'm never going to do. I could, but I'm not. It's a new, interesting place for me.

Mom is declining horribly. This time a year ago, she was excited to get her knee surgery. 11 months ago she was released to drive and practically danced out of the doctor's office. 10 months ago, she fell and hit her head. A severe concussion. She suffered months with it. She felt so horrible, and we can only guess that there was a whiplash effect which increased the pain in her neck. She quit eating. She quit taking her medications and her heart was worse for the wear. She can barely walk now, and uses a cane, even with her surgery. Worse, her mind has never returned. It's no fun being free not to take care of a teenager, but spending my "free time" (and taking off work) taking care of the elderly. I want her to be who she was when she was dancing and happy such a short time ago. It aint gonna happen. sigh.

The house has fully been a joy and the garden has gone full steam ahead. It's been a great growing year and I've met so many neighbors who stop by to admire the flowers. I have been collecting seeds and smiling at the other seed collectors-the goldfinches. The hummingbirds dart around all over, but their flowers are few and far between. I have some monarda growing, but it's yet to flower. The zinnas, agastache, and sunflowers make them happy enough. Autumn is my favorite time of year and I'm ready to cool down and snuggle in for the winter soon. I ended up making a blue and raspberry combo all over the yard in spring. Not on purpose, but I like it.