> I'm trying to tell my girls that I need emerald green, the color of pastures and fields. They think I should be "pastel". Pah. What do kids know? That pastel thing does seem to be something we go through and grow out of. I guess it takes a real woman with a certain experience like thee and me to handle strong colours! Do you know, a jewel-like green was what I had originally in mind when I went fabric shopping before I fell for that red.... >> I love the way you did just what you wanted and made your wedding your own. There's aplace for tradition, I suppose, but we should all make our own traditions as we feel comfortable doing. Indeed. And we did follow many traditions. But for us it was important to think about the origins of them --- why they got to be traditions and whose traditions they are. In many cases some things that people think of are long and important "traditions" turn out actually to be pretty recent, at least in the context of how long folks have been getting married! (The white dress thing was started by Queen Victoria, for example. And the couple processing *together* as we did turns out to in fact to be a very old tradition; in fact, even the current official Catholic ritual (don't know about any other denominations) gives several options, NONE of which calls for the groom waiting at the altar while the bride's father "gives" her away. But I LOVED exchanging rings --- the symbolism of eternity in the circle is lovely. And we had a unity candle, a lovely newer Catholic tradition. We wanted a toast (who couldn't use all the good wishes anyone can offer them?) but R. doesn't like champagne that much and a good one was beyond our budget, so we toasted with the local apple cider, available in both alcoholic and non-alcoholic versions. And so on. >> Elery thinks we should write our own vows. I wonder if "you're only second in my heart to my horse" is appropriate. (grin) After all, he IS working on that number one spot..... Hee, hee. Well, I think it is very good to keep him working on it! After all, he who is #2 tries harder. ;-) Vows are one place where we surprised ourselves. I am a professional writer and editor, and assumed that of COURSE we would write our own vows. But as we looked at the standard Catholic version, we found that it said pretty much everything we wanted to say. So we did end up going with "tradition" there, though I have heard some very lovely and meaningful own-written vows, too. We did draft a few words for when we exchanged rings, for which DH's first suggestion was [deep, menacing voice] "I have you now, bwah hah hah hah." I think he was a bit startled when I called his bluff and started to write that down.... ;-) I know you will do things just right for YOU, when the time is right. (Wondering if you can involve the backhoe somehow....?) ;-) Zabby

OK, all, thank you for some great tips from the PROS that you are :) I have since found out she chose the bolder color scheme of hot raspberry pink and lime green with accents of tangerine. Very tropical and vibrant ! I agree with your suggestions about using the tropical "colors" in decorating with locally available plant material, not necessarily the with "tropical" plants. That is a good money saver. I can envision the impatiens in hot pink and orange with cascading sweet potato vine, and the beautiful caladiums in hot pink and cool green and white, and the rich tapestry of coleus in the green/hot pink range. I am getting tired of my 2 patio pots right now, so I may try to recreate some "wedding ideas" now to see how they'd look. That would be fun ! I want to rent fuchsia table linens (would an orange cloth with a fuchsia overlay be too strong ?) I see your point in renting enough chairs and will do that. I guess I need a full # of tables then too. We plan on renting the glassware, dishes, etc. as well. I was in a restaurant and saw a very simple but chic "centerpiece" int he lobby. It was a tall square glass vase with black river stones in the bottom, with a stem of 8-9 orchids in it, submerged 3/4 of the way in the water, so that most of the flowers were underwater. It looked just beautiful, almost sculptural, in it's simplicity. I would like to recreate that on each table with some votives surrounding each vase. That would save some $$ on flower centerpieces, although I love that lush flower look too. Remember, strict budget :) I have to keep telling myself that. They said they DO want a dance floor, so that will have to be incorporated in somewhere too. I don't think the tent will fit the tables and a dance floor, so is it OK to have the dance floor next to the tent, yet uncovered ? We could put potted flowers at each corner to dress it up. I think the signature cocktail will be rum punch, yum :) Should that only be served the first hour, or - since this is a cocktail reception - should we plan to serve it the whole time ? Since the party will be from late afternoon thru early evening, I was going to add white Xmas lites to the trees and the gazebo, and accent the gardens and outer edges of the tent with tiki torches. I am looking into a steel drum duo for the reception, I think that would add a ton of ambiance and get people dancing ! Still up in the air is the catering. The bride's neighbor owns a restaurant, so we may be able to strike a deal there... Since this is both their second wedding, it is going to be more of a celebration of family than a formal shindig. However, the groom's first wedding was at the courthouse and he didn't really have a "wedding" so to speak, so we are doing this mostly for him :) Heck, I'm just happy to be involved !!! Thanks again for being my sounding board to bounce ideas off of, keep your thoughts/advice/ideas coming !!!! Sincerely, Amy

Thanks so much for all the responses! Here's my specific situation: I'm the bride-to-be. Fiance and I live on west coast, immediate family lives on east coast, extended family lives all over the country. In a perfect world, we would have a ceremony immediately followed by a reception with all of our close friends and relatives. The logistics of distance, young children, elderly parents, expense of travel, etc, are going to make this nearly impossible, so we've decided on what's really important to us. Fiance and I are thinking of a very small ceremony on the east coast with my parents, his mother, and our brothers, sisters and children. Maybe 20 people at the most. To us, these are the people we most want to share this occasion with, and it's more practical to have the ceremony take place where everyone else lives than to expect everyone to travel out west to our home. Then within a month or so of the wedding, when we're back home, we'd like to have a party with our close circle of friends, simply to mark the occasion and share our happiness with them. We wouldn't expect our east coast parents, brothers or sisters to attend, although they'd certainly be welcome to. I like the rituals of the reception (toast, dinner, dancing, cake, etc) but feel a little awkward having all the rituals at the west coast party without having had the actual wedding ceremony there. But a big party at our home sounds like fun, with perhaps the only wedding ritual a formal wedding cake baked by a friend who's an expert pastry chef. And perhaps some toasts by friends who have been asked ahead of time. In our case my soon-to-be-hubby & I would be hosting the west coast party. No family (except my teenage sons) would likely be attending, although all east coast relatives would certainly be invited. So it sounds like just throwing a regular party, with the general knowledge that we'd just gotten married, is the way to go. On the one hand I like the idea of having the party invitations omit references to the recent marriage because my preference is for no gifts. On the other hand, I feel it's awkward to throw a big party and include some of the reception rituals (well, the gorgeous cake anyway) without letting people know ahead of time that we're celebrating our wedding. A related question: since the wedding will be very small and won't include extended family, and since the extended family won't be invited to the west coast party (they don't live nearby), is it proper to send out wedding announcements to extended family? Alternatively, is it proper to not send out announcements to anyone not at the ceremony or the party, and assume that extended family will hear of our wedding by word of mouth, annual Christmas letters, etc?

Even though my marriage was over after just under 10 years, I still think we did the wedding just right. We were married at Niagara Falls with just our families. Yes, it was a destination wedding but we weren't requiring anyone to come. We were eloping and if our family wanted to be there they were welcome to be there. We knew it wasn't a financial hardship on anyone except maybe my cheap FIL but my MIL was thrilled because it was the only real 'vacation' she ever had. I don't think she's ever even been to the beach and she is over 60 (and she lives within just a few hours of the beach!) The weather was beautiful and everyone had a good time. We were married outside on the American side of the falls and my parents paid for dinner in a private room at the Red Coach Inn. The kids did the touristy stuff, the adults got to gamble at the casino. My sister was able to bring her dog who is part of our family. It was just a great, fun and relaxing weekend. My cousin had a HUGE fancy wedding and her marriage lasted less than a year. I have never seen so many gifts at a bridal shower. I just feel sad that she wasted that on her first husband since she has a great marriage with her second husband and they didn't do a big thing since, well, it just didn't seem right after the first wedding. Actually I have at least three cousins who had VERY short marriages after big weddings. Our generation just hasn't been very lucky in that respect, no matter how big the wedding was.