I agree with Robo. This is very sad, for all those around. For you, who will now not be able to relax and totally enjoy your home, and for the new neighbors who thought they really lucked out and can't wait to be part of this welcoming group of neighbors.

We used to have a second home on a creek. (Similar in size to a lake, everyone had docks and motorboats.)

For years we had two elderly neighbors. They were quiet and polite and but did not socialize with us. It was terrific. Then both sold and things changed dramatically. One side was an older couple but they had visiting grandkids. My two would play with those on occasion. But it was the other side that became an issue. This house sold to a couple who had three kids. But, the wife's sister and family would come up every weekend as well. There went the peace and quiet. They also did not have boundaries and would walk onto our dock to sit in the sun! Their feeling was that WE were welcome to do the same. As it turned out, our lives changed and we no longer used the house. We wound up selling it to them, for top dollar at an unheard of price only for them to rip it down so they could have more yard space.

I am not going to lie. If this family didn't move in next door, we might have kept the home and rented it out, which we had done in the past. It was no longer the quiet escape that we originally bought into.

My advice is to tread lightly. There is no easy way to be unfriendly.

Awkward. We have had similar issues.

1) Keep the faith. Maybe, just maybe, when they are past the stress of building and get settled they will be more “like-able”.

2) They may not like you either. They may be being overly polite and friendly to keep the peace during their build process. Back at home they may be having conversations about how they can ensure they have privacy.

3) Redecorate: some tall potted plants, a trellis, a moveable bamboo screen make obstacles in any easy pathway to the space. Visually send a message this is my space permission to enter required.

4) Be boring. After polite hellos, turn the conversation to dull dry stuff.

5) End the night early. “Oh hi Tom, Laura how are you doing. We were just going in, big day tomorrow got to be up early.”

I was thinking along the same lines as localeater: good fences, make good neighbours. Would the neighbours that have the deck near theirs be willing to erect a large trellis to block the view and access to the new neighbours deck? That way, they might not be as tempted to join in every time you are all out on your decks.

I hear you have up to now decided the chemistry is just not there...I find it curious that we teach/expect/demand children to always be inclusive, get along with our friends' kids...but WE as adults get to pick and choose. Guess what, life is going to change and either the new people will figure out you aren't their sort either or you will all get along. Change is uncomfortable. Give it time.

Young children are different than adults. At some point children should get to pick and choose too.

I feel for you Dee. That would be horrible. I don’t have an answer either.

arcy, in my classroom I teach that we all have to be polite, kind and respectful to each other, but we don't all have to be best friends.

The OP seems to be trying to achieve exactly this - they don't want to disrespect their neighbours, but they also don't want to be best friends.

Oh boy I can sympathize with you. When we bought our lake house in Maine, we knew no one. My husband happened to meet a man at town hall and became friends. He lived about half a mile away. We both liked him, even though he did all the talking. Long story short, he popped in at some point almost every day we were home be it eight at night or eight in the morning. I told my husband he had to handle it as I plan on sleeping in. He didn't. This went on for 15 years. Like I said we liked him but enough is enough. We were in his house twice. As we got older I would retire to my bedroom or leave in the car as I was fed up. He would call my husband every week at home in Ma. and talk for long periods of time. I would say I have to do a chore but DH would listen. We plan on going up next week and now this fellow has just retired. He has a wife and three kids and grand kids but I bet he'll be over. I have no answers for you, hopefully they may meet other neighbors and slow down.

Yaya makes a good point in her " maybe they will meet other neighbors" comment. Are there other neighbors near? Perhaps you could have a few parties where the new neighbors can be introduced to others. Maybe invite people you think she will have something in common with.

Yaya, I would never tolerate drop-ins. In our old neighborhood, we had a neighbor that would hang out at another neighbor. He had a wife and son, and this neighbor was a couple with two kids. This neighbor, however, had an open door policy and like people around. But, it seemed odd that this man would hang out there so often rather than be home.

In my house now, I am grateful that one neighbor has left the block. I won't go into details but she made my life as well as my oldest DD's life miserable. during her childhood years.

These things tend to have a way of working themselves out organically, so just go on about your socializing as usual.

Thank you all for all the help. Our neighbor friends have already planned a fence and locking gate on that side of the property (They feel less interested in socializing with this couple than us). If I were planning a party or get together, I would definitely invite them. I just don’t like the idea of spending a couple of hours with them every time my neighbors and us hang out. Most of our time is spent lakeside, out in the open. Otherwise, why be there? I also don’t see them making hang out friends in the neighborhood because those who know them feel the same, but who knows? Hopefully, they have friends outside the area who will visit and take up their time.

So, no one in the immediate area is interested in them as well? The plot thickens.

Keep us posted.

While they are perfectly nice, they are also not people any of us enjoy spending time with, for a few reasons.

Out of curiosity, what are those reasons? FWIW, I can think of several reasons why I don’t enjoy spending time with “perfectly nice people,” and the reason is usually that I just don’t feel like I can be myself around them because of differences in: religious/political views; senses of humor; conversation style; drinking/smoking habits, etc. (Also, I do not enjoy being around: “woe is me” people; people who talk about money/spending habits of either themselves or other people; people who do illegal/illicit drugs; name droppers; know it alls; don’t know anything at alls; people without manners, and so on.)

Some people might have a good heart but lack social graces &/or appropriate boundaries...

Most days, eliminate all but 4 chairs on the porch/deck. I also would be prepared with taking them aside and offering a "sorry, we're discussing something private today and can't invite you to join us."

It's an awkward situation, but it's up to you to draw boundaries. It's fine to help others (being inclusive, neighborly, etc) but only to the point that it doesn't hurt you.

Haha Oly, I was thinking the same thing with the four chairs.

I can get along with just about anyone unless they are loudly crude or rude to staff/employees when out.

Following

Olychick and jeri, we have 6 chairs! Lol. Sammy, some of our issues have to do with some of what you listed: disinterest in anything beyond their own life and church, making conversation difficult, no sense of humor, ill manners (the rest of the neighborhood will just have to get used to their often visiting grand dog, who sometimes bites), inability to take subtle hints (inviting self to neighbor’s daughter’s wedding), though we have annoying behaviors as well, and I don’t dwell on others. Frankly, I am just protective of our friendship with this other couple. It has been years and years (maybe never) since my husband and I have had a friend couple. They are our Fred and Ethel, they are the best part off my retirement, and make staying at the lake place so much fun. The husband of our friends really doesn’t like the husband of the couple (who checks the placement of the property pins whenever he visits his property), so I can see him exiting during any casual visit. I hope, like some of you suggest, it ends up not being a problem, or THEY don’t like us (we can get somewhat ribald at times and they are devout churchgoers). I just wanted some plan before they move in.

Aha! I knew it was at least one of the things I mentioned! And now I can clearly see how this new couple would not mesh well with your existing foursome...but I’d fit right in!! ;)

Since they have already seen the 6 chairs, there goes that. Religion can be a real divide, especially if they are the type that want to convert you to their way of thinking. In which case they might be relentless.

Well, the most fun solution will definitely be getting freaky with them so that they get disgusted and move on. I'm trying to think of shows to watch to put you in the mood - maybe a little Arrested Development? Orange is the New Black? Hope it all works out with the least amount of stress and the most amount of fun.

Well then, have a ‘dirty joke night’, stock the side bar with plenty of wine and beer, and tell them to be prepared with their worse dirty jokes and invite them over. See what happens. Just kidding, sort of.

hmm..okay, I see this option --- Perhaps you need to enlist the help of your "friends neighbors? If you two are friends, I don't think it would be so bad to just discuss this predicament and join forces? (my husband and I have different sets of friends. Many of the people I like, he's not fond of and vice versa. Not an issue...the other one makes themselves scarce when one is with their friend(s) ) I think I'd discuss this with them and you and them, working in tandem, make it work. Perhaps let one of you kind of guide them away from the other family, much like a good sheep dog does (okay, laugh, but hey...) As soon as you've "separated" let the family who's 'on duty' would come up with one of those, "Oh, we just forgot" (or have the 'free' neighbor make an "emergency" call for some unknown issue, develop a headache....be creative. But, working with your (friends) neighbors seems to be one of the best ways to ease the people away. If you work it right they can hopefully take a hint where they're not insulted but maybe only suspicious? I know you don't want to hurt their feelings but do you want to ruin your summers by allowing someone to take over your lives? Start very gently and work up gradually. Working with your neighbor will give you the most leverage. Just a thought.

You and other friend could wear pointed witch hats lol. Ask them if they could bring eyes of a newt ?

I agree that upping the ribaldry a bit might just take care of the issue. No need to be pointedly offensive, just being oneself and cheerfully oblivious.

Unless they decide that you need 'saving'...

Put up a privacy hedge or potted plants with dense foliage to block the view and noise from the construction while it is happening. Never take them down. That at least addresses the "we want to have a conversation with you from our deck" issue.

deeinohio After having read your comments in the thread above...I might also add that there is really no problem telling someone, "I don't agree with......" and, "I don't want to talk about it, either. " (especially religion and politics. I love talking those things with anyone who is open-minded, however, more often than not, anyone who opens the door on those things is usually interested in pushing their thoughts on others rather than having a real "discussion" on the subject.) There is also not a thing wrong with (especially when they just pop in) saying, "I'm so sorry, but we're having a private discussion right now about some personal issues. Maybe we can give you a call later on and work out a meeting?" - and if they DO call - make sure it's YOU visiting them, so you can make it brief and business-like.

You may want to consider planning a few get-togethers with them. This may keep things neighborly, give you a chance to get to know them a little better, but give you the opportunity to say, "We have plans with Fred and Ethel tonight, we'll see you next Thursday."

You may also to consider that you are projecting your own feelings about rejection on them. They may accept your decision to maintain boundaries easier than you would.

I will be interested in seeing how this resolves. No matter how you slice it, The newbies will see you socializing and come over.

It's what they are seeing and what they think is done on this street.

The best case scenario is that they will become uncomfortable with your way of thinking/doing things and distance themselves. Hopefully, they will have friends/family to invite and will not be counting on you for socializing/entertainment.

oooh, sorry... two of our chairs broke. So there are now only four on the patio or whatever... (Suddenly, they may bring over their own...)

Be friendly, but one day when they invite themselves over, be REALLY ribald. And when they bring up religion... "sorry, but religion is for us a personal thing/commitment. I'm not comfortable discussing pros and cons. Thank you for the concern, but I'm perfectly happy with my own connection to the divine". (Or words that better suit your own situation and beliefs.)

Or... "Hey, glad you dropped by! Now is not really a good time, how about you come over on X date (which you select because you will have a limited time outdoors with them, like say half an hour.) "

AND if they are bringing over a dog that from your post doesn't seem to be well-behaved... I am sorry, that dog is out on my property. I will be blunt if I need to be. If the dog behaves, I'm copasetic. If he is not, I pick no bones registering my concerns, and that this dog is no longer welcome.

Purchase the deluxe set of Cards Against Humanity and have it ready any time they walk over... make sure you all play the really bad cards!

;-)

You all are very funny. I had a conversation with my friend across the street, and told her I had asked for advice from my invisible friends. They see these people more frequently than we do since they are full- time, and we haven’t moved there for the summer yet. (He checked for the property pin last week!). They are planning a wrought iron fence with a gate, but have a legitimate reason. They currently use an electric dog fence, but the fence has already been broken on that side because of the new house building. They have begun politely waving, and immediately removing themselves from any further conversation. chispa, will have to check out those cards!

Get 4 Whoopie cushions and be sure to laugh even if it’s not funny.

I say get good & drunk & tell all the dirtiest jokes you know, lol! And be LOUD about it!

Cards Against Humanity is hilarious! You will laugh & then think, “OMG, I can’t believe I just laughed at that!” Really awful...they will leave quickly!

I had a similar situation with a woman many years ago. I met her through work, she was nice, but her "friend needs" were way higher than mine. I just didn't want to socialize with her as much as she did with me, due to me just having more things on my plate and we didn't have that much in common. I did socialize with her some, but I had to turn her down A LOT, to the point where I felt I was being really crabby but I just had to be firm on my "nos." Eventually I moved to a town far away, and since I wouldn't be able to get together with her like she wanted, I never bothered to give her my new address and phone number. That was back when you got a new phone number if you moved to a new town!

I think you just have to be firm and consistent in avoiding them. Not to the point of being rude, but if you want to socialize with that other couple, you'll have to find a way to do it in a more private area, at least for the foreseable future. You have a right to privacy, even in close quarters!

Pretend you and your friends are in a “Frankie and Grace” situation and allude to it pretty often in all conversations.

I think you should be grownups. Either include them and be gracious, or tell them kindly that you're having a private get together. Playing games can come back to bite you.

I totally agree with Bunnyfoof. Unless you are direct, you will always be thinking of "games" to keep them away. Don't let them occupy them so much rent-free room in your head.

I think most suggestions are just being humorous and I don't think they really meant to be taken to heart.

I agree with Nanny. I have a habit of ruminating things over and over. Most times the things I thought would happen did not.

Very difficult to avoid people who live right next door.

Although I agree with Linelle, "you should be grownups" at the same time, I admit my first thought was telling some ribald jokes and having a Ouija board in use when they drop in...but I would not change my hang out or routines to avoid them. Be direct. ish. I would invite them over. First. After they move in, "if your not busy next Thursday night how about joining the Smiths and us for some burgers/munchies/drinks (whatever) at 7 PM? If it goes even remotely ok, then at the end of the evening have the Smiths extend a similar invitation for a couple weeks out. In passing in the interim remind them of the date you expect to see them again - "don't forget - see you next Wednesday!" If they prove themselves to be as you believe, then you've been the welcoming committee, done your part, and you are not obligated to entertain people - even neighbors - you don't like. Period. Plan a later in the summer outdoor get together/block party.

Interesting approach, Indigo. Arms length...

Most people understand hints quickly and you may be surprised by how quickly they avoid you. We live on a lake, and have unusual neighbors. I keep to myself, but am always friendly and nice. I am not going to be in any cliques or down talk other neighbors, which a few of them live to do. Hopefully, you can be polite in your snubbery of them. Once snubbed twice shy! Hopefully, you won’t offend them to the point that they decline all further neighborhood bbq invites. I am pleasant and nice to all my neighbors, not because I want to be as some of them have been down right rude to me, but because I really don’t know what the future may bring and I may live next to these people for a very long time.

sabbath7 More good advice. Someone I know once said, "The best neighbors are the ones you never know are there unless one neighbor is in need of help, at which time they all gather around."

I keep coming back to this thread. I hope it works out.

I know that new neighbors ruined our enjoyment and ultimately added to our reason for selling our vacation home.

Terrible neighbors (girl her age as well as the mom) made one DD's life miserable for quite a few years on the street. People can be mean-spirited.

Dee - how far along is their new home? Now that the weather is nice enough to sit on the porch do they come over to visit when they're at the lake checking on the build? Maybe if you're lucky (?) winter will come early and they just won't get in the habit of dropping in this year.

Hi dee. We are up at the lake and I thought of you with your neighbour situation. I hope you are having a great summer and getting just as much peace and quiet as you would like.

Thanks, Daisy. The house is still under construction, so we won’t know until next summer if it becomes a problem. We did (us and the neighbors) start to hang out on the opposite side of their house from the new one, where’s it’s shady and hidden from view. Also, an older (77) couple just moved in down the street, and, though the woman is on oxygen, they seem more in tune with our future neighbors, so we have hopes of a budding friendship there.